Chapter Nine
Harlyn
“Harlyn, can I speak with you for a moment,” Janene said Tuesday afternoon. She barely had her head in the door to our conference room office.
“Of course.”
I tried not to show my nerves. This was going to be about one of two things and neither of them were pleasant topics. Mind you the grabbing a hold of her first thing in the morning was a complete accident. As soon as I realized that it was her skin against the back of my fingers, I let go. HR had to see that I had not intentionally stuck my hand down her pants. I cringed at the memory. What the hell was wrong with me. I should have just fallen to the ground it would have been less humiliating.
If by some huge miracle, Janene did not want to talk to me about that incident, I was certain the only other thing she could possibly want to talk to me about was what I’d said to my mom the night before. There was no other reason for her to call me out of the room. I wasn’t working on any of her projects. It had to be that my mom had called her and told her everything. I couldn’t fully blame her, if someone had come to me with gossip about Caitlin, I would have gone to her right after and dished the dirt no matter if I had promised not to. Still, Renee was my mother and she should have a greater loyalty to me than to her high school friend. I gathered the last of my courage and followed Janene to her office.
I had only been in Janene’s office twice in the week since I started working for RedPrint. It was a large space with bookshelves and a couch to one side, and a drawing table to the other. Centered, near the windows, was a modest size desk. I imagined she didn’t have many people in her office because there were papers everywhere. It was probably the most disorganized office I had ever seen. In a moment of weakness, I imagined the papers were scattered everywhere because she and Anabelle had reckless sex in her office the day before but the mess was an organized mess so that probably wasn’t the case.
“Have a seat,” she said, pointing to the chair in front of her desk. She looked nervous and unsure of herself. That only made me more nervous.
I took a seat, careful to keep my posture as casual as possible. The situation we were in was odd. We’d been a large part of each other’s lives at another point in history, yet, we were almost complete strangers because we had never interacted as adults, much less in a work environment.
I tugged at the hem of my skirt, a nervous twitch I allowed myself to indulge in only once. I crossed my legs and set my hands in my lap; my fingers intertwined to steady myself.
“Am I in trouble?” I asked.
Janene laughed. The sound was deep as it echoed through her office. I imagined that it bled through the wall she shared with Armande though I had not heard her once since I had been working with him. I spent so much time agonizing over the depth of her relationship with Anabelle that I had forgotten how loud she laughed. I used to sit around waiting for it when I was a kid. It was always so full of joy and there never seemed to be enough of that in my house. Not when I was growing up anyway. I didn’t realize how much I’d missed that sound.
“No, not at all. I just wanted to do a quick check-in. See how things are going.”
She acted like the events of the morning didn’t exist. I was grateful for that, it had to have been as uncomfortable for her as it was for me, but it still stung a little that she wouldn’t bring it up, make a joke about it, laugh it off. I could still see her standing inches away from me, a shocked expression on her face, her hands in the air as if to say, what the fuck are you doing. That look of horror had bruised my ego. All the flirting she did around the office. The inappropriate exchanges and she didn’t say a word, she didn’t even try to help me. It was like she couldn’t stand to touch me long enough to keep me from falling over.
“Things are good,” I said.
“Just good? Is Armande treating you well? If not let me know, I can always fire him.”
There was a tiny glint of humor that revealed the Janene I’d come to expect and then it quickly vanished. I chuckled at her joke anyway. She was my boss after all, no matter that I thought her line was probably the corniest thing she could have said. The way her expression faded made me feel like she realized that a joke like that was meant for any other person, Blondie for example, but not me.
That thought combined with her reaction that morning made me wonder if she thought I was uptight. I had intentionally distanced myself from her but not because I couldn’t take a joke or have fun at work, because—well, because it annoyed me to watch Anabelle throw herself at Janene and Janene didn’t discourage it. They’d spent the entire previous day locked up in her office. Alone. I cringed at my own words; at the way I must be coming across. It was no wonder she didn’t want to help me. She probably worried I’d cry harassment if she touched me.
Was this who I had become? Some tightly wound, washed up prude? I’d done my fair share of innocent flirting over the years. Never with my boss, but with coworkers and fellow students. Maybe Caitlin was right, I needed to get laid.
“He’s been great,” I continued. “And so far, I have yet to screw anything up. The way you do things here is very different from what I’m used to, but it’s fine. I’m very flexible.”
Janene raised an eyebrow and the air caught in my throat. It wasn’t the first time I’d ever turned a simple phrase into a suggestive one, it was actually something I did all the time, but it was the first time I’d ever done it in front of her. There was a tiny moment of panic, like when you’re a kid and you cuss in front of one of your parents, but then I realized this was Janene, not my mom.
Adult Janene, flirty Janene, not watching what she says around the kid Janene, should have no problem with my superpower. The look she was giving me, the eyebrow lift that said everything without saying anything at all. That was the reaction of someone who appreciated a double entendre.
“What I mean is, I’m good at adapting to new situations,” I added. “That doesn’t mean I’m not flexible, because I definitely am.” I paused for effect. “But that’s neither here nor there in this situation.”
The last part I threw in because Janene was starting to look uncomfortable and there was something about throwing flirtatious Janene off her game that was fun.
I watched and waited for her reaction. I was expecting a chuckle at the very least but she just stared at me like a deer in headlights. I never liked that expression, everyone in Texas used it, but it was fitting. She sat frozen for several moments. I started to second guess my forwardness. Maybe she wasn’t ready to meet grown up Harlyn. Maybe her eyebrow raise was not out of understanding but instead out of disapproval for my word choice.
I took a deep breath. No harm done, I thought. It was a phrase I could easily attribute to my physical fitness and yoga. Out of pure nerves, I uncrossed and recrossed my legs and I saw her take a quick glance in their direction. That was unexpected. I could chalk this whole conversation up to nervous banter. She was still, after all, my boss, but the intense way she continued to watch me made my stomach flutter.
Janene cleared her throat. “We’re putting together a bid for a huge contract down in Colorado Springs. It’s a brand-new hospital off I-25. This is probably one of the largest projects we have ever attempted to win. They want state-of-the-art, functional, and eco-friendly. Madeline wants me to bring two of you onboard to help with the proposal. What do you think?”
So, we were moving right along. I pushed the entire awkward situation out of my head because it seemed dumb now that I thought Janene would see me as an adult.
“I would love to be part of that team, but I imagine you didn’t bring me in here to tell me that.”
“Why would you say that?”
“Look, I know Renee asked you to get me this job, so I don’t expect that you’ll trust me the way you trust Tweedledee and Tweedledum out there.”
I slapped my hand over my mouth. What the hell was wrong with my brain today? Those were the names I had given Anabelle and Colby while I talked to Caitlin the night before. I was never supposed to say them out loud to my boss.
“I’m so sorry,” I said, hand still in front of my mouth.
A grin spread across Janene’s face. “Tweedledee and Tweedledum? Are you even old enough to know who they are?”
“Who doesn’t know Alice in Wonderland?”
“True. I forgot who I was talking to. Wasn’t that one of your favorite movies as a kid?”
“Still is. Caitlin and I watch it at least twice a year.”
“Caitlin? Is that your girlfriend?”
It was a little unsettling to think that Janene, my boss, knew that I was a lesbian because I wasn’t usually one to talk about my private life at work. Not because I was hiding but because I held to the idea that it was no one’s business unless I wanted it to be. Coworkers never made a big deal about the girl in accounting who was straight, so why should I allow them the opportunity to make a big deal about my life.
Up to this point, I hadn’t allowed myself to think about the things my mother likely told Janene during their dinners. But now I wondered if my name ever came up since Janene didn’t know that Caitlin was my best friend and not my girlfriend. With that realization was a touch of relief that most likely my boss also didn’t know about my break up with Dani.
“Sorry, that’s none of my business.” Janene looked down at her hands like she was embarrassed to have been caught asking me a personal question.
“It’s fine,” I said trying to get her to look at me again. “Caitlin is my best friend.”
The corners of Janene’s mouth lifted as she nodded. That bright smile, the one that made her eyes shine was back. There was so much about Janene that seemed new and interesting and there were things that were just as I remembered them. Like the tilt to her head when she was being genuine. I remembered that because it always made me feel safe, especially right after my parents split up. I liked having that little bit of insight about her, but I also felt like I was meeting a new, very interesting woman, that was even sexy. I had never seen Janene as sexy but she was. I could see why she never had a problem with the women. Her problems, more likely, were deciding which one to take home.
Janene leaned forward on her desk. “For the record, you did not get the job because your mom is my friend. If you’ll recall, I had nothing to do with your interview or offering you the job. Madeline chose you and I know Madeline very well. She wouldn’t have hired you if she didn’t think you deserved that spot.”
“Thanks,” I said.
“If you want in on this project we’d love to have you. If you don’t, if working with me is weird because of our personal connection, I understand. I also get it if you’re just trying to keep a low profile until you get all your hours in. Your mom hasn’t said as much but I get the feeling you’re not looking to set up permanent residence here. Believe it or not, I was young once too.”
“You’re not that old. You’re talking as if you’re ancient.”
“Harlyn, I’m old enough to be your mother.”
The thought made us both laugh. “I guess you are, but you don’t act at all like my mother. She would not be caught dead openly flirting with someone half her age.”
I continued to laugh but Janene’s face went still. “Harlyn, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”
I laughed even harder. “I wasn’t talking about me. I meant with Anabelle.”
Janene still didn’t rejoin my laughter. “Anabelle?”
“Oh, come on, I’ve seen the way she looks at you and the way you always give in to her lunch invites.”
Janene finally chuckled, “Ouch, give me some credit.” She leaned in closer and brought her voice to a low whisper. “If I’m flirting, you’ll know I’m flirting.”
She winked at me and it made my stomach flip. Maybe her flirting wasn’t as harmless as I thought because holy shit there was something about the combination of that smile and that wink that made me want to leap over her desk. How the hell was that even possible?
“So,” she said sitting back again, “What are your thoughts? You want in on this project? Madeline will take the lead. I’ll sit in to consult from time to time and Colby will be the final team member.”
I liked the idea that Madeline was going to be in charge. I wouldn’t have to worry with whatever this was that my body was doing when Janene looked at me.
“That sounds great.”
“Good. Madeline is taking a field trip out to the property on Friday to get a good look at the built-environment. She’s old school and likes to walk the property, it’s a pre-google-maps thing that I don’t expect you to understand. And before you say it, yes, she is not that old, but her father was her teacher and he was a hell of an architect in his day.” She smiled again. “I believe the property has a pretty awesome view of Pike’s Peak, maybe even Garden of the Gods. You’ll check it out and decide what we need to take into consideration when we start drafting ideas. Do you think you’re up for the road trip?”
“I look forward to it.”