Chapter 16
Chapter Sixteen
The conference room took up the entire northwest corner of the tenth floor, its floor-to-ceiling windows offering an unobstructed view of downtown Billings.
Claire sat in a leather chair that probably cost more than her car payment, her portfolio resting in her lap, and her attention drifting around the room much like the dust motes dancing in the sunlight streaming across the room.
The hiring manager outlined the compensation package in detail, and she yanked her mind back into the conversation, one-sided though it had been so far.
Numbers she’d dreamed about six months ago. Numbers that would let her rebuild what she’d lost when the shop closed. Numbers that represented security and independence and the life she’d planned before Granny Mama’s dizzy spells brought her back to Covenant Creek.
“We’re also offering a signing bonus.” Robert slid a sheet across the polished mahogany table. “Five thousand, paid after your first ninety days.”
Claire picked up the paper, her fingers running across the heavy stock embossed with thick, raised letters on the letterhead. So much importance this paper represented.
It didn’t take much to catalogue everything this represented. From prestige to her much-craved stability, this job locked in the trajectory that made sense on paper and fit the narrative she’d been telling herself for so long she wasn’t sure how to function without it.
“The role itself is what makes this exciting.” Robert leaned forward, his enthusiasm genuine despite the corporate polish.
“You’d be lead consultant for our agricultural division.
We have clients throughout Montana, Wyoming, and the Dakotas.
Ranches, farms, co-ops, equipment manufacturers.
Your expertise with the 4C Ranch project caught our attention.
That kind of innovative thinking is exactly what our clients need. ”
Her throat tightened. She hadn’t done it to impress anyone but to help Luke. She forced a swallow and set the paper down, aligning it with the edge of the table. A tremble rattled through her hands until she locked them underneath her thighs.
Robert hadn’t asked for her input at all, so she kept quiet and tried to listen.
“We’d want you to start June first, which gives you time to wrap up any outstanding commitments.
” He flipped to another page in his folder.
“There’s a relocation allowance if you need it, though I understand you’re already in the area.
That works in our favor, and yours. You know the region, the culture, and the challenges these operations face. ”
The window framed the city skyline. Glass towers reflected the sun, creating a patchwork of light and shadow against the spring sky.
Somewhere below, traffic moved in patterns that followed rules and laws.
People walked purposeful routes between buildings.
Everything stayed organized, predictable, contained.
Safe.
Luke wanted her to stay, but did he need her?
Why did the distinction matter so much she was willing to ignore the fact she loved him and he’d all but said the same when he asked her to stay?
Loving Luke was not safe. It did not check her boxes that verified stability or predictability. Yes, Luke would provide a stable life, but what if he reverted to the man she’d first met?
“I’ve emailed you the full benefits package.” Robert turned his laptop toward her, the screen displaying a detailed spreadsheet. “Take a look, and if you have questions, I’m happy to clarify.”
She stared at the numbers without seeing them.
Her pulse thumped in her throat, each beat a hammering strike that made breathing difficult.
She pressed her hand against her sternum, trying to ease the pressure building there.
It didn’t help, and it caused Robert to study her with a new intensity, forcing her to drop her hand.
Maybe he’d think she found the benefits overwhelming.
This was everything she’d worked for. Everything that made sense.
Except the part where she couldn’t stop thinking about a porch in the dark and a man who’d almost reached for her but pulled back. What about the man whose voice had gone rough when he asked her to stay, whose eyes had held hers with an intensity that made her ribs ache?
“The client list is particularly strong right now.” He reached around the computer and tapped a key, pulling up another document.
“We signed two new cattle operations in eastern Montana, and there’s a grain cooperative in North Dakota that’s been asking for someone with your background.
They read the case study we published on the 4C Ranch restructuring. ”
She hadn’t even known they could do that.
Her fingers curled against her thighs. Luke’s face superimposed itself over the spreadsheet, the way he’d looked at her when he told her to be careful.
Drive safe. The roads get slick.
She’d walked away from him twice. Once at the cabin when he’d asked if she wanted to stay, and once on her porch when he’d been so close to kissing her that she could count his heartbeats.
Telling him she couldn’t because there was no room for halfway felt like a lie. She’d chosen safety over risk and kept building the same walls she’d criticized Luke for.
“Claire?” Robert’s voice pulled her back. “You still with me?”
“Yes. Sorry.” She shifted in the chair, the leather creaking. “Just processing.”
“Of course. This is a big decision.” He closed the laptop and folded his hands on the table.
“I know you have other options. We’ve done our research.
You’re good at what you do, and you could work anywhere.
But I think this firm offers something unique.
We’re growing, we’re innovative, and we need people who understand how we do business. ”
The irony twisted in her stomach. She’d spent months teaching Luke that relationships mattered.
And now she sat in a conference room in Billings being offered a job that would take her away once and for all…except for the occasional visit.
Robert stood and pulled out a leather portfolio embossed with the firm’s logo from a stack on the desk behind him. “This is for you. It’s a lot of information, so take it home and look it over. Think about what you want.”
What did she want?
Six months ago, the answer would have been automatic. A career and independence. She’d wanted safety. Control. A life organized around protecting herself from the kind of loss that had hollowed her out at nineteen.
Now?
Now she wanted Sunday dinners with the Calloways where Graham and Noah argued about fence posts while Wade and Ruth swayed together at the stove.
She wanted Agnes Pruitt’s sharp observations and Granny Mama’s knowing looks and Rachael Bennett’s quiet guidance.
She wanted to coordinate community dinners and deliver meals to new mothers and sit on porches in the dark with rejected calves sleeping in the barn and a man who was learning to be brave.
She wanted Luke.
“I know the commute from Covenant Creek isn’t ideal.” Robert sat again, his expression sympathetic. “We do have some flexibility for remote work, but this role requires client meetings, site visits, and face time with the team.”
She’d be leaving Granny Mama. Not abandoning her, but not able to be in the same house if a dizzy spell hit or a medication needed adjusting.
She’d be leaving Luke.
And she hadn’t even had the courage to tell him she loved him.
“We’d need an answer by Friday.” His pen tapped again, a metronomic rhythm that matched her pulse. “I know that’s soon, but we have other candidates, and the position needs to be filled. I’m hoping you’re the one, but I understand if you need time to think.”
Three days to decide between the life that made sense and the life she wanted.
Except that framing was wrong, wasn’t it? It assumed those were different things.
But what if they were the same?
What if the sensible choice was the one that fed her soul instead of just her bank account? What if security wasn’t about salary and benefits packages but about being known and loved and needed by people who’d woven her into their lives?
Control was an illusion. That the only thing worth managing was whether she loved people well in the time she had them.
Her parents’ death had taught her that love was temporary and loss was inevitable.
She used that as an excuse to hold her heart hostage from love.
It squeezed in a burst of sympathy that stole her breath.
Luke had been trying to show her that faith meant loving anyway.
Granny Mama all but told her flat out that the cost of refusing to love was lonelier than the cost of loving and losing.
Robert kept talking about quarterly reviews and professional development opportunities. The words washed over her, floating in one ear and out the other as the epiphany lodged deep and took root.
All she could see was Luke’s face on her porch.
She’d been waiting for Luke to give her a reason. Some grand gesture or confession that would make the decision feel safe. She’d been waiting for him to promise her certainty before she risked her heart.
But that was her own control issue. Her own fear.
Luke had already given her a reason. He’d given her a dozen reasons with every change he made to bring the ranch back using her program.
He’d been showing her what it looked like to be faithful, to trust, and to love.
What did it say about her that she’d been so busy waiting for him to say the words that she’d missed him living them?
“Claire?”
She blinked and focused. “I’m sorry. Could you repeat that?”
“I asked if you had any questions about the role. Anything that would help you make your decision.”
Decision.
The word echoed in the space between her ribs where her heart had been trying to tell her something for weeks.
This wasn’t what she wanted.
Robert’s brow furrowed. “Are you okay?”
“I—” She stopped. The shaking uncertainty fell away. “I can’t take this job.”
He blinked. “I’m sorry?”
“I can’t take this job.” She said it again, and this time the certainty spread through her chest, loosening the pressure that had been building since she walked into the building. “I’m sorry. I know I’ve wasted your time, and I apologize for that. But I already know where I belong.”
Robert leaned forward. “If this is about the salary, we have some flexibility.”
“It’s not the salary.” She stood, gathering her portfolio and the leather folder he’d given her. She handed it back to him. “The offer is generous. More than generous. This is a wonderful opportunity, and whoever you hire will be lucky to work here.”
“Then what is it?” He stood too; his hands spread in question.
How did she explain it?
“I thought I wanted this.” She set the leather folder on the table when he didn’t take it. “I was wrong. What I want is in Covenant Creek. It has been the whole time. I just wasn’t brave enough to choose it.”
He studied her for a long moment, then his expression softened, professional disappointment giving way to something like understanding. “The rancher.”
“What?” She squeaked out the word, her voice threatening to go high and shrill.
“The Calloway case study. The way you wrote it.” He picked up the folder and tapped it against his palm. “It wasn’t just exceptional work. It was personal. I wondered if there was more to the story.”
Heat flooded her face. “I didn’t do that intentionally.”
“It’s okay.” Robert smiled, the first genuinely warm expression she’d seen from him. “I’ve been doing this long enough to recognize when someone’s heart is somewhere else. I just hoped I was wrong.”
“I’m sorry.” She meant it, even though it came out in a hurried rush. “I should have figured this out before I came here.”
“Maybe.” He walked her to the door. “Or maybe you needed to see it to know for sure. Either way, I hope it works out. For both of you.”
She shook his hand and walked out of the conference room, through the polished lobby with its modern art and expensive furniture, and into the elevator that carried her down ten floors to street level.
Excitement weakened her knees. The cautious, terrifying, wonderful kind of excitement that came from letting her heart choose and understanding that letting go didn’t have to be frightening.
The parking garage was cool and dim and exactly what she needed to gather herself. She climbed into her car and sat behind the wheel, keys in her hand, and let the magnitude of what she’d done flow through her.
She’d turned down a senior consultant position, a salary that would have changed her life, with security, prestige, and everything else she’d told herself she needed.
For what?
For Covenant Creek, her grandmother, her church family, and the community she’d fallen in love with without meaning to.
For Luke.
Her hands steadied with her deep inhale. Time to go home and try to tell Luke she’d made a decision. She started the engine and pulled out of the parking garage, already rehearsing how she’d tell him she was sorry for making this difficult.