Chapter 18
eighteen
Kate
Be. Cool.
I repeat the words like a mantra as I walk the halls of the Wells Fargo Center with Dani and Tyler, trying to will my nerves into submission. We probably should have talked about this—how we were going to handle things in front of everyone else—instead of having sex all morning.
Are we telling people? Do the guys already know? Am I going to walk into the greenroom tonight and be bombarded with questions? Are Ty and Dani going to be pissed that we spent the evening together getting ready and I didn’t say a word?
And what is this, exactly? Was it a one-time thing? Okay, more like a seven-time thing—but still. Are we casual? Exclusive? Does he have feelings for me or is it just sex?
Of course he doesn’t have feelings for you, I say to myself. He was very clear about the fact that he doesn’t do feelings. Or relationships.
But the way he was looking at me…
No. There are no feelings. That’s just the thing about guys like Josh. They have the power to make you feel like you’re the only one in the world, even when you aren’t.
“Party tonight at the hotel!” Josh says as soon as we walk in. “We’ll need provisions.”
Dani slides her phone out of her back pocket and starts making a list while Tyler looks over Max’s shoulder to check out the new photos of his son that his wife sent. Me? I am standing in the corner of the room trying not to look as panicked as I feel. Begging my shaking hands to calm themselves.
I take a second to look over at Josh, my heart leaping in my chest when I find that he’s already watching me from across the room.
He looks…terrifyingly sexy tonight. His hair is streaked with black paint and tied back in a low bun, his upper body is painted solid black and the same blood red color he mixed up a few weeks ago is poured over his back and chest.
I bite my lip, suddenly realizing that I want him to fuck me while he’s still in that paint.
No, stop thinking about…that. Focus. Act normal.
Be. Cool.
He smiles and I feel like everyone is watching. Waiting to pick up on the signs that something happened between us.
“Hey,” he says, stopping a completely normal and non-suspicious distance away from me.
“Hey,” I squeak. I clear my throat and try again. “Hey.” I wince when the second attempt comes out about three octaves too low.
Josh raises a brow.
“Why are you being weird?”
“What? I’m not…” I lower my voice to a whisper. “I’m not being weird, am I?”
“A little,” he whispers back. “You came in here and bolted for the corner and it took you almost three full minutes to look at me.”
“Shit, sorry. Do you think anyone noticed?”
He laughs.
“Kate, look around. No one is paying attention to us,” he gestures around the room, and I look up, realizing he’s right. The only person in this entire room that’s looking at me right now is Josh, and suddenly, the idea of being forgotten by everyone in a greenroom doesn’t seem so bad.
“I’m sorry,” I say. “We just…we didn’t talk about how we were going to handle this,” I gesture between us. “With them.”
“You’re right, we should have. That’s on me,” he says. He reaches out a hand like he wants to touch me, but at the last minute, runs it through his hair instead and we both laugh awkwardly.
I take one more look around before lowering my voice.
“I’m sorry to be that girl but…can we talk about it?” I ask. As hard as I’m trying to be a more care-free version of myself, this is way too far out of my comfort zone to just brush aside. Especially considering we still have to navigate through four months of touring.
Josh straightens, his usual cocky ease melting away into something softer. “First of all, don’t ever apologize for being honest about what you need, understand?” I nod and he smiles. “Good girl.” I groan, hating how those two simple words have completely altered my brain chemistry.
He nods toward the door, and I follow him out of the greenroom and down the hall. We make a few turns before we find an empty room and step inside.
“Even though no one was paying attention, I didn’t want to have this conversation in there,” he says, turning to face me.
“I just need to know…” I take a breath before forcing the words out. “Was what happened just a one-time thing? Is it one of those, what happens in Philly stays in—”
Josh doesn’t hesitate, crossing the distance between us and taking my face in his hands. He locks his eyes onto mine as he says, “Fuck no.”
“Alright. I…” I stop, unsure how to phrase what I want to say. “I don’t think we should tell anyone.”
Josh’s brow furrows. “Why not?”
I exhale, looking away. “Because I’m not ready to be the punchline of every backstage joke.
” He stays quiet, but I can feel him watching me.
I meet his gaze again, trying to keep my voice steady.
“I don’t want to be a walking cliché, Josh.
The assistant who sleeps with her boss? People eat that shit up. I’m just…I’m not ready.”
A beat of silence follows before he nods slowly.
“Alright,” he says. “If that’s what you want, then we’ll keep it quiet, but I want you to know that I’m not sleeping with anyone else.”
“You can, you know. I don’t want what happened between us to keep you from living your best rockstar life.”
“That’s not really my style anymore. Despite what the tabloids say, it’s been a long time since I’ve hooked up with someone while on the road.”
“Alright, well,” I say, looking down and toeing the floor with my shoe. “I’m not with anyone else either.”
“Good,” he says, pulling my chin up and directing my gaze to his. Brushing his lips against mine he adds, “Because I don’t share.” He kisses me in that possessive way that makes me melt, and all the fear and doubt and stress I was feeling vanishes like smoke.
“So, party tonight?” I ask, stepping out of his arms, desperate to put some distance between us and shift our focus before we end up doing the thing I don’t want people to know we’re doing.
“Please tell me you’re coming.”
“I will if you want me to.”
“Kate, I already told you, I will never say no to hanging out with you. What happened last night—and again this morning,” he adds with a grin, “changes nothing.”
Funny, I think. I feel like it changed everything.
I skip the second half of the show to go with Dani and Tyler to get the drinks.
Eric offered up his suite, so once we’re inside, we get started setting up, placing the bottles of soda, tequila, gin, and vodka on the bar and tucking the cases of beer in the fridge before unfolding one of the smaller tables the road crew gave us to use for beer pong and placing it in the main area.
I’m dumping a bag of ice into a large bowl we found in the cupboard when my phone vibrates in my back pocket, and I slide it out to see a text from Josh.
Josh: In an Uber on the way back.
Josh: Also, it was weird not seeing you when I got off the stage.
I smile at my screen before sending my reply.
Kate: Was weird not being there.
Josh: Come down to the room. I need to see you alone before the party.
Kate: Any chance you’re still wearing your paint?
Josh: No, I wiped most of it off in the greenroom. Why?
Kate: No reason. See you soon.
“They’re on their way back,” I say. “I’m going to go to my room and change into something more comfortable.”
Dani decides to do the same, so she follows me into the hall and heads left to the elevators while I continue straight down the other end of the hall to our rooms.
I’m a nervous ball of energy as I change, removing my jeans and pulling on a pair of leggings just as Josh leans against the doorway that separates our rooms.
“How was the second half of the show?” I ask.
“Listen to this,” he says, laughing. “The platform that I come out of at the beginning opened at some point, and I fell down into the hole in the middle of the bridge of ‘Black’.”
“Oh my god,” I say, covering my mouth to keep from laughing. “Are you alright?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. It wasn’t all the way down, so I dropped maybe two feet? But Jesus Christ it was funny. I crawled out and laid on the stage and laughed for about five minutes. I’m sure there are already videos all over the internet.”
Stepping toward him, my fingers grip the zipper of his hoodie. I glance up at him as I slowly tug it down, letting it part inch by inch until it comes free at the bottom.
“You sure?” I ask, turning my attention to his muscled torso.
“I could give you a once-over.” My hands glide up his stomach and his chest before slipping beneath the fabric to push the hoodie off his shoulders.
“You know, to check for any bruising or other signs of internal bleeding.” I look up at him and wink, and the low sound he makes in his throat sends a little shiver down my spine.
I reach for his belt and he grips my wrist.
“You’re sure you still want to do this?” he asks, his eyes burning into mine.
“Am I still yours?”
He grabs my chin, forcing my gaze to stay locked with his. His mouth is inches from mine, breath hot against my skin.
“Yes, Kate. You’re mine. Every fucking inch of you.”
“Then take what’s yours.”