Chapter 10
“How have things been going this week? Have you been able to work out, cook…read…and write?” Wendy tapped her pen on her notebook for each activity. Clearly, she took diligent notes during our session last week.
A smile spread on my lips, as if on its own. “Great, I’m still doing those things every day.”
“When you go back to your firm, do you think you’d be able to set some boundaries so you could continue doing these things you enjoy?”
She seemed stumped for a moment before she continued.
“Well, stick with them for now while you’re off, and then perhaps in our next few sessions we can brainstorm some ways that you could prioritize maintaining these activities—at least the ones that are most important to you—after you go back to work. ”
I nodded in agreement, but the churning in my gut told me no amount of brainstorming would help me maintain a workout and cooking routine for more than a week or two at a time once I got back, let alone reading or writing.
It wasn’t as if I hadn’t tried in the past. Once my average hours of sleep per night dipped below six—and they would—it became too hard for me to justify spending my free time on anything else.
“What’s your return-to-work date again?” Natalie asked, glancing up from her cutting board to her phone camera.
I sighed. She was cooking dinner, but I was already in my PJs, sitting cross-legged on my bed. “July 15th.”
“Sorry to bring it up! You still have”—she paused to count—“eight weeks, though. That’s a long time.”
“I know.” I forced a smile as my stomach roiled. I was just starting to feel whole, and I was just getting really into the writing. The last thing I wanted to think about was going back to Peters & Dowling. Eight weeks felt impossibly short.
“Do you even want to go back?” Natalie asked the question my therapist hadn’t yet broached during our first three sessions.
I rolled my lips between my teeth as I considered telling my best friend the truth.
“No,” I whispered.
Natalie stopped chopping. Her eyebrows rose, but a small smile emerged on her lips.
“I know I need to, but every time I think about it, I feel a sense of dread,” I added. “But if I don’t go back, then my paychecks will stop. I have savings, but not a ton because it took so long to pay off my law school loans.”
“You could extend it a bit, right?”
“Yeah I probably could. But not much longer, I don’t think. And it might not be paid.”
Natalie tapped her pointer finger on her lips. “You could do something else, get a different job.”
“You mean like go in-house?”
“Yeah, or something totally different. Work at a store or a restaurant or freelance. You won’t make as much, but enough to defray your costs. Your expenses are low, aren’t they?”
“For the most part. Mimi isn’t charging me rent or anything. Car payment, groceries, other necessities. And eventually, health insurance.”
Natalie nodded. “Couldn’t you even find something on the Vineyard in the interim? There must be tons of summer jobs.”
“I don’t know why I didn’t think of that.”
“Could be fun, even.”
I smiled. “That’s a great idea. It would be really nice to feel like I have the freedom to not go back…” My shoulders relaxed. Even though I probably will go back at the end of the day.
I leaned against my pillows, content with this new idea and ready for a subject change. “Tell me about what’s going on with you. Any interesting dates lately?”
“Oh, you will not believe what happened on my last one.”
I made myself comfortable while Natalie told me all about the handsome but totally aloof grad student she went out with last weekend, how they got lost several times, and he’d made a reservation at the wrong restaurant.
A smile stretched on my face as she gesticulated wildly, in full storytelling mode.
Natalie found it all endearing, and said she’d go out with him again, but she would do the planning. He was a lucky man.
Over the next couple of days I meandered through town and looked online for job openings. My top choice would have been the bookstore, but they told me they already had their summer schedule covered.
I texted Natalie.
Val
Struggling to find a part-time retail job. And they’re all pretty low-paying.
Natalie
What else can you do? Did you have any other jobs before law school?
Val
Not really. Babysitting.
Natalie
That’s perfect! I bet tons of people on the island need help with their kids over the summer. And that would pay more than retail for sure.
Val
You’re brilliant, Nat.