Chapter 14
Later that night, I was reading in the living room while Mimi watched the news when my phone rang, jolting me. Sometimes I forgot that I wasn’t at risk of incoming calls from partners or clients in the evenings anymore. At least, not for now. My pulse steadied when I saw Max’s name on the screen.
“Hey, Val. How was your day?” I hadn’t seen him since Friday—our boating date. He was just calling to check in?
That’s sweet.
“It was good! I actually got a part-time job.”
“Oh, really? Why?” His tone was hard with skepticism. It took me aback. Why would he ask why instead of asking what it was?
“Oh, um. I…” My stomach flipped over as I realized I never told Max that my sabbatical was actually an anxiety-induced medical leave, and while I probably would go back to my job, I wanted to have the option of not going back.
“It’s kinda complicated. With the leave from work, there’s a chance I might want to…
extend it, in which case I don’t know if it would continue to be paid. And, you know, it’s something to do.”
“Oh, okay. I didn’t realize you were looking for something, since you have your job at Peters & Dowling to go back to.
” His voice was so flat, so unlike the charming lilt he normally had in person.
Neither of us said anything for a moment.
The awkwardness was palpable, even through the phone.
Was he upset I hadn’t explained more on our dates?
“I never fully explained. I’m sorry I didn’t. Maybe we can talk about it more when you’re back?” It was hard not to take his stunted responses personally, but I was partially to blame for not telling him the details of my situation.
“I got back a couple hours ago.”
“Oh, great! How was your weekend? You said the client dinner went well?” I hoped a subject change would cut the tension.
Max seemed happy for the subject change, too, and spoke jovially about the dinner, the fancy food, the intricate drinks, the satisfaction that one of his biggest clients remained happy with their services. I listened and ooh-ed and ahh-ed appropriately, if apathetically.
We hung up after agreeing to go out for drinks on Wednesday.
Lying in bed that night, I replayed our conversation in my head.
I didn’t miss going to those fancy, budget-less client dinners like the one Max described so fondly, or the self-doubt they always inspired: Did I have one too many drinks?
Did I say the right things? Did I come across as sociable and fun but still trustworthy and reliable?
Nope, I did not miss them one bit.
I waited on Luke’s front steps for Luna to get off the school bus.
“Hi, Luna! How was school?” I asked once she got to the walkway.
She shrugged, her backpack lifting up an inch with her shoulders. “It was fine. We finally got our spelling tests back.”
Her brown eyes were bright, so I asked, “And?”
“I got a one hundred.” A smile crept across her tiny face. She had paler skin than Luke, but equally dark hair and eyes. Her brown hair was pulled up in a ponytail, with little wisps flying off in all directions from the humidity. She was adorable.
“That’s amazing! Great job!” I held up my hand for a high five, and she stared at it for a moment, considering, before obliging me.
“Thanks.” She shrugged like it was no big deal. Like she got one hundreds all the time. She probably did.
We went inside and she made her way to the kitchen table. I checked the fridge. “Do you want a snack? Hummus and veggies and crackers again?”
“Yeah!”
I brought her a little plate and a cup of water. She’d already spread open her books on the table. I made myself a small hummus and veggie plate and walked over to the couch. “I’ll be right here reading if you need me.”
Three chapters of my romantasy novel later, a dramatic sigh issued from the dining table. Luna squinted at the paper in front of her, hand poised over it with a pencil.
I tucked my bookmark in my book. “What’s up?”
“I have a math test tomorrow, and I can’t figure out one of the practice questions.”
I walked over to the table and pulled out the chair next to hers. “Can I see?”
She pushed the paper toward me. The question was: If seven students go to the park, and each student brings five tennis balls with them, how many tennis balls will there be to play with?
I explained that the question was really just asking what seven times five was. Luna pondered this for a while and ended up solving it by adding up seven, five times. Oddly enough, I still remembered how hard it was to memorize multiplication tables at her age. And how innate it was for Drew.
“Nice work!” I said when she finished. “Let’s do the next one.”
For the next two hours, I didn’t get up from the table except to refill our water glasses.
We completed all the practice questions in her packet and practiced multiplication tables with flashcards.
I felt bad that I didn’t know any tricks to teach her, so I was more or less just providing moral support, working questions out alongside her and holding up the cards, telling her whether she got it right or not.
When she finally decided to take a break, she queued up How to Train Your Dragon on the TV. I smirked to myself because the book I was reading also had dragons.
I joined her on the couch. “You’ve seen this one?” I had no idea what was appropriate for an eight-year-old to watch. When Luke and I went over everything two days ago we discussed bus schedules and food allergies and homework, but not TV rules.
“Yeah! It’s my favorite.”
Perfect. “Throw it on!”
Half an hour later headlights flashed into the living room. In all honesty, I was thoroughly engrossed in this movie and somewhat disappointed Luke was home to relieve me.
“Hey!” Luke called as he opened the front door.
“Hi, Dad! We’re watching How to Train Your Dragon.”
“I can see that.” His mouth curved as he spoke. He seemed amused to find us watching an animated movie.
I lifted my palms and smiled sheepishly.
Luna paused the movie and turned around.
“You finish your homework?” he asked. Luke leaned his elbows over the back of the couch, wearing a ball cap and a polo shirt with a Karas Construction logo embroidered on it.
“Yes, Val helped me study for my math test.”
“Did she?” His mouth formed a thank you in my direction before tipping up into a grin.
This man had a nice smile.
Luna nodded before turning her attention back to the television and resuming her movie.
I joined Luke in the kitchen.
“Did it go okay?” he asked.
“I think she’s still a little nervous about her math test tomorrow. But we did all the practice questions multiple times, and lots of flashcards. I think she has it down.”
He stared at me with a slightly awed expression.
I almost asked him what? but he said, “I’ll go over it with her again after dinner, and give her a pep talk.
I think it’s awesome she’s so motivated, but sometimes I wish she didn’t put pressure on herself as a second grader.
It feels too early. I didn’t start taking my grades seriously until college, and even then, probably not seriously enough. ” He shrugged.
I chuckled at his admission. “I was more like her.” I glanced over to where she sat on the couch.
“I remember caring about my grades even in elementary school.” Probably too much, too.
“I agree going through it with her one more time will increase her confidence. And throw in that you’re proud of her no matter what grades she gets.
I used to like it when my parents would say things like that sometimes.
” As the unsolicited tip exited my lips, I had half a second to consider that Luke might not appreciate my parenting advice. I wasn’t a parent, after all.
But I did remember what it felt like to be an oddly ambitious elementary schooler.
One look at his face told me my concern was unwarranted. His expression was open, and he was nodding. I was about to apologize anyway when he said, “Thank you. That’s a great idea. I mean, I tell her I’m proud of her all the time, but I like how you put it.”
I shrugged. “Just a thought from a former stressed-out student.”
“Well keep ’em coming.” He grinned. I stared at his perfect, straight white teeth and found myself wondering if he had dimples under that beard. “Do you want to stay for dinner? I’m grilling burgers, easy to make another.”
“Oh, thank you, but…” I checked the time on my phone. “I actually have to get going.”
“You have a date or something?” His eyes glittered, and I could tell he meant it in jest, but my own eyes flew open wide.
Before I could say anything, Luke said, “Oh! You actually do. Sorry. I mean, why wouldn’t you? That…makes sense,” he stammered. He seemed flustered all of a sudden.
“It’s new.” Why am I telling him that?
He swallowed. “Okay. Great. Good.”
I raised my eyebrows and opened my mouth, but then I closed it again. I had no idea what to say next, so I figured it was time to go. “But thank you for the invite! I’d love to, another time.” I held his gaze, willing him to see my sincerity.
A small part of me wished I didn’t have somewhere to be tonight, so I could stay for dinner with them. I hope this doesn’t stop him from asking me ever again.
“Sounds good.” His expression returned to relaxed and warm. He walked me to the door and held it open. “See you tomorrow, Val.”
My enthusiasm for this date with Max was somewhat diminished by the pit of anxiety that had lodged itself in my stomach.
Our conversations had never been strained before that phone call on Monday.
But, in his defense, I hadn’t told him the real story, and calling my leave of absence a sabbatical probably didn’t help.
It will be fine, I told myself. I would tell him the full story this time.
It’d only been a few dates, but he seemed like a great guy. He’ll understand.
Or at least, I hoped he’d understand.
He insisted on picking me up again. When I stepped out the front door, he stared at me. “Hey, beautiful.”
“Hi!” The bubbly feeling spurred by his compliment cut through my nerves.
Once we were seated in rocking chairs on the deck of the Harbor View Hotel, cocktails in our hands, a light breeze blowing through our hair, I decided to address the elephant in the room.
Spinning my drink around on the armrest, looking at that instead of him, I said, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I was looking for a part-time job.
I also probably shouldn’t have called it a sabbatical.
It’s a leave of absence.” I glanced at him to gauge his reaction.
He nodded, contemplative. “Val, I get it. This is only what, our third date? You don’t have to tell me everything.
I was just surprised because you already have this great job to go back to, that’s all.
Sabbatical, leave of absence, whatever you call it, everyone deserves a break now and then.
I think all companies should have them.”
I nodded and forced the corner of my mouth up. “I agree.” I wasn’t sure what else to say. I was both surprised and relieved that he didn’t ask what prompted the leave of absence in my specific case. At least he didn’t seem to judge me for taking one.
“When is the leave up?”
“July 15th.” I had the date memorized.
“Oh, that’s so far away. You have plenty of time. You’ll figure it out.” He flicked his wrist.
“Right. Plenty of time.” I swallowed and looked out at the view: Edgartown Lighthouse, its white facade and black door, window, and roof.
It stood out against the deep blue background of the water beyond.
Despite the serenity of my surroundings and the strength of the drink in my glass, I felt nervous.
It didn’t feel like there was plenty of time between now and July 15th.
Especially when I wasn’t sure what I was going to do and hadn’t spent enough time thinking about it.
The freedom provided by having some money coming in now only contributed to my indecisiveness.
I needed to talk to my therapist about it on Monday.
Maybe she could tell me what I should do.
Max reached out, dragging his fingers lightly over my thigh, right above my knee. His hand was warm on my bare leg. It brought me back from my racing thoughts. “Still with me?” he asked, smile on his face, glint in his eye.
I nodded. “Yeah. I just…” Feel super anxious and don’t know what I’m doing, I thought. But I didn’t want to kill the vibe so instead I said, “I love this view. I used to go to this beach all the time when I was little.”
“I’ve never actually walked down there.”
“Really?”
Max chuckled. “Really. There’s some beachfront at my parents’ house so we didn’t go to other beaches very often.” I’d had a feeling the Phelps’s house must be waterfront. “Let’s walk down there after we eat.”
“Sounds great.”
Max left his hand on my leg until he got up to get us more drinks and order some food.
I liked it. It was forward but somehow grounding.
Before he stood, he said, “It’s a gorgeous night, I’m in the company of a gorgeous woman, life is good.
Let’s get another drink and pretend tomorrow is far, far away, okay? ”
That actually sounded…great. I turned to him, tilting my head and pressing my lips together to hold in my flattered smile. “Deal.”
I watched him walk toward the doors into the restaurant. He was such a flirt. Handsome and confident. What was it about me that had drawn the attention of a man like him?
It’d been ages since I’d been showered with so many compliments. If anything, my time with Max was a fun distraction from my inner turmoil about what to do with my life. I didn’t even want to drag down our conversations with all my fears and anxieties.
That was when I decided I’d be going home with him tonight.