Chapter 36
Ipicked Luna up from her final sailing practice later that day.
Their regatta was tomorrow, and that marked the end of the summer season.
Clara’s mom and I took the girls to get ice cream.
They bounced back quickly from yesterday’s loss, already talking excitedly about the regatta and their back-to-school plans.
Melting cups of ice cream in hand—mint chip for me, cookie dough for Luna—the four of us sat on a bench facing the harbor, watching the boats dock and leave, and the group of ducks floating in the water right near the edge, hoping for scraps of bread and potato chips from passing children.
Sunlight reflected off the choppy waves in a way that made the surface look like it was covered in sparkling diamonds.
The slight breeze made the August heat more bearable.
It made me nostalgic for my own childhood, sitting on these same benches, eating ice cream with Drew and my parents or grandparents—whoever we’d convinced to take us into town for a frozen dessert.
Sometimes we were in regular clothes, coming down from Mimi’s house before or after dinner, and other times we were still in our damp bathing suits, sand sticking to our feet and legs, coming directly from the beach.
I watched Luna from the corner of my eye, happily licking her cone, swinging her little legs back and forth, chatting with her friend, her dark hair a wild mess only half contained by her ponytail.
Freckles that weren’t there when I met her in May dotted her cheeks.
She had Luke’s same deep brown eyes and enviable eyelashes.
Her smiles were like sunshine in spring, and looking at her, seeing her happy, filled me up.
I wonder if this is how Luke feels all the time.
When we got home, Luna didn’t protest heading right upstairs for a shower.
Then we settled into the air-conditioned living room, me with my book, Luna with an animated movie she liked.
I heard the rumble of a truck pulling into the driveway, but after a few minutes the telltale sound of a car door closing hadn’t come.
Maybe it was just a car going by. I read a few more lines, but my curiosity and uncontained excitement for Luke to be home had my feet carrying me to the window.
His truck was in the driveway, but he stayed in the front seat, arm draped over the steering wheel, head resting on his forearm.
My stomach plunged with fear. Did something bad happen?
“Luna, I’ll be right back.” I didn’t bother to put on shoes before I bolted down the walkway.
I tapped on the window and his head popped up with a start. The car locks clicked. I climbed up into the passenger seat and reached for his forearm.
“What happened?” I asked softly, trying to stop my mind from jumping to horrible conclusions.
He took a deep breath and blew it out. His eyes were glassy and contemplative.
My chest ached before he even said a word.
“I ran into one of Monica’s friends from high school.
Totally random, first time she and her family went on vacation here.
She was with her husband and—and little kid.
” His voice broke, along with my heart. “Fuck.” His hand ran roughly down his face.
He looked at me, his face broken. “That should be her, you know? Vacationing with her husband and kid.” He turned back and stared out the windshield. “It fucking sucks that she’s gone.”
I climbed over the center console and wedged myself into his lap between his chest and the steering wheel.
I wrapped my arms around his neck, and he dropped his head on my shoulder, holding me tight in his arms. He shuddered into me.
It may as well have come from my own body.
Let me take some of it, I begged the universe.
But that wasn’t how life worked. So I held him, running my fingers through the ends of his hair and over his shoulders in a way I hoped was soothing until his breaths steadied.
Fingers still locked behind his head, I pulled back enough to look at his face.
“It’s not fair,” I said. “It should be her. You and your sister, her husband, Luna, your parents—you were all robbed.”
After a minute of holding each other, breathing into each other, I asked, “Wanna go in? I could hug you forever, but I think you need one from the little girl inside right now.”
He swallowed. “I think you’re right.”
Luna was right where I left her. Luke circled the couch and said, “Hey, Luns.”
“Hey, Dad,” she said, not looking away from the screen, where dragons flew through clouds to an inspirational song.
Luke sat down next to her, pulled her into his lap and hugged her, kissing the top of her head.
“Dad!” she squealed at the distraction. When he didn’t let go, she looked at him for the first time since he walked in the door.
Then she squeezed him back, no longer squirming to break away and focus on her movie.
That beautiful, intuitive little human. Another quick squeeze and he plopped her back on the couch.
“How about pizza for dinner?” he asked her.
“Yay!” was her only response. A smile broke through on Luke’s face. I chuckled internally. Ice cream and pizza, what a day for an eight-year-old.
He needed her today. And she was going to need him on lots of days, for the rest of her life, not least of all once the magnitude of what she lost when she was young sinks in. Maybe someday, when she was older, they’d be able to talk about it more.
But today it seemed like having each other was enough.
All day Sunday I bounced around Mimi’s house and yard, cleaning, gardening, cooking, checking the clock. When would Luke get home from dropping Luna off with his parents at their agreed meeting point in Connecticut? I wished I’d asked.
I’d offered to go with them, but he insisted I stay back to get some writing done and spend some time with Mimi before he got home. When he said it, he gave me a knowing look that sent heat through my body.
I could call him to ask, but I didn’t want to seem so eager to spend an entire week alone with him. Even though I absolutely was.
When my cell rang just after 6:00 p.m., I lunged for it like a nineties teenager lunging for the landline. After telling me the drive went well, he asked, “Is it weird if I ask you to be there when I get home?”
“No.” I laughed.
“Why is that funny?”
“Because I’ve been thinking about how badly I want to see you when you get back, but I was worried you might be too tired.”
“I’ve never had more energy,” he deadpanned. I smiled giddily at my phone.
My skin buzzed with anticipation as I all but ran down the hall to shower.
I drove to Luke’s house an hour later, and when his headlights flashed into his living room through the front-facing picture window, I abandoned my wine and book on the coffee table to meet him at the door.
I opened it when he reached the bottom step.
“Hi!” I said, heart thundering.
He looked at me as his feet carried him up the front steps two at a time, eyes blazing.
He didn’t say a thing. His hands grabbed my face and brought my lips to his in an urgent kiss, greeting me with his mouth instead of his words.
It might have been the hottest thing I’d ever experienced.
My body lit up with a rush of excitement.
The kiss deepened and got sloppier as I backed us into the house, closing the front door behind him.
His lips pressed into my neck, leaving goose bumps.
His hands turned me around by my waist and nudged me up the stairs, no detour to the living room.
He kicked off his shoes aggressively and followed me, a hasty, calloused hand pushing me up each step.
I giggled, looking over my shoulder. The heat in his gaze only got more intense.
We barreled into his room in a tangle of limbs. He walked me back until I was sitting on the end of his bed. He kissed me firmly, but then stepped back, held up his pointer finger, and strode to the en suite bathroom.
The faucet turned on and I walked over, my bare feet soundless on the plush bedroom carpet.
I watched as he scrubbed his hands with soap in the sink.
Leaning on the doorframe, I smiled at him.
He looked up at me, smirking as that piece of unruly dark hair fell in front of his forehead.
So freaking adorable. I couldn’t explain why I loved it so much when that happened.
He dried his hands and walked toward me. “Hi, baby,” he said finally, voice a mix of lust and levity.
“Hi.” I beamed. One hand found my waist, the other wrapped behind my neck, and we picked up where we left off.
Shirts were removed and discarded on the floor, then my bra. He dropped his head immediately to pull my nipple into his mouth, licking and sucking gently.
“Luke, oh my god,” I moaned. My underwear would be soaked through by the time we removed any more clothing.
Our bodies moved toward his bed once more, unclear if it was me pulling him or him pushing me. Both.
My knees bent, my half naked body sitting down, legs parted, waiting for him to fill them.
Luke stood in front of me in nothing but shorts.
I pulled my lip under my teeth as my eyes roamed.
His did the same. My hands reached for his belt.
I wanted as little as possible between us when he finally pressed me back down on his bed.
His bed.
I’d spent almost no time here—in his room. When I came up here to do laundry that time, I felt like an interloper, peering into a private part of his life. We barely knew each other, but I already felt at ease in his presence. I wanted to share things with him, do things for him, even then.