9. Chapter 9 #2
Tears spill over her lower lashes and I ease her out from where she’s pinned then into my arms. Both bind securely around her at the same time her head meets my shoulder as she sobs. Showing me the tormented girl she keeps locked behind bullet proof glass.
“Talk to me, Sunshine.” I murmur then comb my fingers through her hair.
Her trembles, and breath broken cries, have me wanting to punish myself rather than her. Unraveling an arm, I reach between my seat and the door to hit the control switch, easing my seat back to give her room. Instead of filling the extra space like I thought she needed, she clings to me.
Thank God traffic begins to move again. I need to get her home, but from the looks of it, she’s not letting me go—this is dangerous as hell, keeping her like this, but I can make it work.
“Gonna put the truck in drive. Be good for me and don’t move, okay?” At her nod, I shift the truck into gear to get us rolling.
It takes a bit to get to her apartment, then into the underground garage for residents—I swiped her garage pass months ago and put it in my truck. It’s not like she drives or has gone looking for it.
Squeezing the Denali into a compact parking space, I turn everything off and listen to the soft way her sniffles fill the cramped gap. Breaks me in two, feeling her so snug against me I don’t know where I end and she begins.
“I’ll listen when you’re ready, Sunshine. We’ll get through it together, like we always do.”
Five, ten, fifteen minutes pass before she finally gives me her deceptively calm voice.
“I—I’m sorry.”
I already know what for, unfortunately we still have to talk about it; she needs to know that what she let the others do was wrong.
Conceptualizing and understanding what they did has put her name and picture in front of people who won’t care she’s not always herself.
That anything she does, between now and the end of this shit, will be a deciding factor if she stays with me or they put her behind bars.
“No need to apologize, but I do need you to explain what happened and why. Sorries are for people who got hurt, not for those who will be with you through the fallout.”
Silence greets me—typically I accept it, but not today. I can’t begin damage control if she doesn’t speak.
“Was in class. Chelsea was being a bitch like usual.” She takes a slow breath.
I don’t dare interrupt. Instead, I keep her close as she explains what the hell prompted Kate into beating her school rival into a bloody pulp.
“My meds, I keep them in my backpack. But when I went hunting for them, I couldn’t find them and was already losing control. She didn’t stop bullying me until I was showing her how it felt to be in my head for sixty seconds.”
I believe her, there’s no doubt about that.
She’d mentioned this girl a while back and has kept her head down since.
So, I know the attack wasn’t unprovoked.
However, something’s buzzing in the back of my skull, telling me she’s keeping things to herself.
And though she’s not a mission or an OP, no sound decisions can be made based on missing information.
“What did she say? You’ve been doing so well; her bullying you isn’t all that happened, is it?”
Sadie doesn’t tense, shift, or change her breathing pattern. All the years of practicing how to behave have paid off—except I’m not buying it.
“Sadie…”
“She called you a groomer. Asked if I needed a pacifier because groomers like watching their girls suck on one while getting fucked. I thought she meant the professor, but then Liz told me Chelsea was talking about you.”
W…what the hell do you say to that?
Of all the things I thought were going to come out of her mouth, that wasn’t it.
“Groomer? Why would she say shit like that?”
“I don’t know! I stay away from everyone at school, don’t go anywhere when I’m off campus unless it’s to an appointment or my parents.”
“So, you’re telling me she took a wild shot in the dark, and it hit so close to home you beat the fuck out of her?”
“I didn’t want to!” She suddenly jerks away, trying to escape my hold, but I’m not letting her go anywhere. “Let me go, Elias!”
“No. You’re going to explain why you thought it was appropriate to put a girl in the hospital because she said some nasty words to you.”
“Because you’re the only person who gives a fuck about me and she compared you to a rapist! Anyone who looks at you, knowing you met me when I was sixteen, will think the same thing and that’s not fucking fair.”
“It’s not your job to defend me, you go to school and finish your education. Not beat people half to death. You try your hardest to be normal!”
The words cut deep. I know they do, because she stops struggling, looking as devastated as I know she feels.
“When you look at me, do you see a groomer? Did I ever come within five feet of you without your parents around, make you uncomfortable, touch you?”
“N…no.”
“Have you ever felt unsafe around me, or think I was coercing your behavior for favors like groomers do?”
“No.”
“Yes, I met you when you were sixteen, but that was years ago, and nothing happened. You have only ever been my colleague's daughter until the past year. I’ve seen the woman you’ve become—one who fights for independence, studies her ass off, and takes charge of her health.
I didn’t plan for this, it wasn’t part of a briefing, and I sure as hell didn’t choose it, but I fell for you anyway.
That doesn’t make me a groomer, Sunshine. ”
Cupping Sadie’s face with one hand, I keep her gaze on me as I finish. Of everyone on Earth, she’s the only person to get me to say more than ten words at a time. I’m about to swallow my own pride and teeth cause I’m sure what I’m about to say next will hurt me more than it will ever hurt her.
“If I ever make you feel like I’m taking advantage of you, call the police.”
A long pause wades the tense waters between us as her pretty blue eyes study my tired face.
“They won’t believe me.”
“I will.”
Brushing my thumb against her cheek, she cracks a little more, and so do I.
“I will always believe you, Sunshine. Even if you don’t believe yourself.”
That crack splits into a tectonic fissure through her emotions and bleeds. She crumbles in my arms, crying harder than she had earlier. So much so, her whole body jolts for gasps as if each one is the first time she’s experienced the breath of life.
Words fail me; what can you say or do when the woman you’d kill for, is falling apart?
She hates herself, loathes everything from being medicated to self–isolation and learning how to act by watching other people.
All she wants is to be normal and I think the idea of never being normal is what will destroy her the most.