Chapter Seven #4
She giggled. “Of course not,” she said. “But you certainly do not plan to remain here forever. I was just wondering where you were going when you departed.”
He shrugged, his gaze returning to the heavens. “Back to London. Back to what the king has planned for me.”
He didn’t sound too enthused. Lysabel looked at him, cocking her head so she could see his face more clearly. “You do not sound as if you want to go,” she said. “I thought you liked serving the king.”
“I do,” he said. “But… well, it has been a very long time since I have been at Wellesbourne. It reminds me of better days. Happier days.”
“Are you so unhappy?”
“Not necessarily. But it does remind me of days when I had less burdens and less sorrows.”
“Like your father?”
He looked at her then. “Why would you say that?”
She lifted her shoulders. “I am not certain. I suppose it was the way you said it.”
His gaze lingered on her. “Then you are astute,” he said. “Aye, I worry over my father. And other things.”
And other things. Lysabel wasn’t sure what he meant by that, but she could feel something radiating from his eyes when he looked at her.
Could it be… warmth? Certainly, it was the warmth of an old friend, his natural concern towards her, but as she looked at him, she swore that there was something more to it.
And that realization shocked her.
Is it actually possible? She thought. Would Trenton ever look at me as more than someone he once knew in his youth? It had been a very long time since a man looked at her with such interest and she’d forgotten what it had felt like. It made her heart flutter and she could feel her cheeks grow warm.
God, she was ashamed to even think that a man as powerful and important as Trenton de Russe could ever look at her in such a manner.
Her life was in turmoil, she was newly widowed, and she had two small children in tow.
Something like that would be most unappealing to a potential husband.
Moreover, she was damaged goods, and the reality of the situation was that a man like Trenton didn’t want damaged goods.
It was a hugely disappointing thought.
“I am sorry for your burdens,” she said, averting her gaze because her entire body was beginning to quiver with the way he was looking at her.
“You have a great deal that you are responsible for and I do apologize if escorting my children and me to Wellesbourne added to them. I suppose I should not have asked you, but I knew we would be safe with you. If that was inconvenient, then I am sorry.”
“Inconvenient?” he repeated. “If I thought so, I would not have done it. I enjoyed it.”
“But you spent good money on two ponies.”
“It was the best money I have ever spent.”
“You know my children will never forget you. Any man who would buy them ponies is their friend for life.”
He lifted an eyebrow. “Never forget me? Now you are making it sound as if I will never see any of you again.”
She smiled. “I did not mean to,” she said.
“But I am equally sure we will not see you frequently in the future. You are a very busy man. But it would be nice… for the girls… if you could see them when it is convenient. You have been a great friend to them and other than my father, they’ve not had kind men in their lives. ”
Trenton was coming to think that the conversation was taking a fortuitous turn.
He could either agree with her full statement, or he could contest parts of it.
Especially the part about not seeing them frequently in the future.
The more he looked at her, the more he knew that, against his better judgment, he was going to say something he probably shouldn’t.
He should simply keep his mouth shut.
But he couldn’t.
“I would like to see Cinny and Cissy often, if you will permit it,” he said. “And I should also like to see you.”
She looked at him, her features registering surprise. “Me? But you needn’t worry about me. I will be fine. Papa will make sure of it, so you needn’t trouble yourself.”
“It is no trouble,” he said, sensing that she didn’t get his hint. “And I would not return to see how you are faring. I know you are well and safe. I would return simply for the joy of seeing you.”
Lysabel’s expression was one of confusion. “But… why?”
He sighed sharply and stood up from the bench.
“Lysabel, you are making this most difficult,” he said, sounding like he was scolding her again.
“I want to come back to see you because… well, I want to see you. I want to talk to you, and laugh with you, and see you smile. Do you not understand my meaning?”
Now, she did, and she averted her gaze in shock. All of those thoughts she’d just had about a man like Trenton de Russe and the type of women he would want came flooding back on her, stronger than before. She understood him; aye, she did. Plainly. But it simply wasn’t possible.
… was it?
“Trenton, you cannot,” she whispered. “You must not say such things.”
“Why not?”
Now, it was her turn to grow agitated. Standing up, she began to wring her hands.
“Because… because you cannot,” she said.
“Please do not misunderstand… you are a magnificent man and if I could… if there was any chance… I would be most honored and delighted. But I am newly widowed. In fact, men do not even know that Benoit is dead. It would reflect terribly upon you should you show any attention towards me.”
Trenton understood her point of view and he agreed with it, but something inside of him simply couldn’t let it go. He should, and he knew he should, but he couldn’t.
“Then you reject me on moral grounds,” he said. “Not because you do not find me… appealing.”
She looked at him, sharply. In spite of the shocking conversation, a smile flickered on her lips.
“I remember thinking when I first saw you how handsome you had become,” she said.
“And I lied to you about dreaming of Dane when I was a girl. It was really you I dreamt of, though I did not want you to know it.”
He flashed a smile, his teeth gleaming. “I knew it,” he hissed. “There is no world in which my brother outshines me.”
It was a moment of levity in an otherwise serious conversation. They both giggled, a nervous and giddy gesture. It was Lysabel who sobered first.
“Nay,” she murmured. “He does not outshine you. In my eyes, he never has. And what you have said to me… Trenton, I shall live on it for the rest of my life. But I am not suitable for you. I am damaged, as you know. It is a shameful thing.”
His smile quickly faded. “God’s Bones, woman,” he muttered.
“You are the most perfect creature I have ever seen, inside and out. There is such strength and dignity in you. Even that night… that night I took Benoit away, I remember thinking how very strong you were in the face of everything. That is something remarkable, Lysabel. You are the most worthy woman I have ever known.”
As Trenton watched, tears filled her eyes.
He could see it in the moonlight. “That is the kindest thing anyone has ever said to me,” she whispered.
“You cannot know what it means to me to hear you say that. Even so, I have much healing to do, Trenton. I am in no position, mentally or physically, to entertain a man’s attention, not even from someone as wonderful as you. ”
“Then let me help you,” he said. He was uncomfortable with saying such things to her, but he couldn’t help himself.
“Let me come to visit you. Let me sit and talk to you as if there are no troubles on this earth. I cannot tell you what the past few days have meant to me. My world is filled with death and destruction, but the day I returned to Stretford, I was met with a world I’d never seen before.
Little girls who want ponies, who see the world with such innocence…
I have never known anything like that before and I do not want to lose sight of it. ”
Lysabel was overwhelmed with the conversation. She was thrilled and crushed all at the same time.
“If this had been any other circumstance,” she said softly.
“If Benoit had been dead a year, and everyone knew it, or if you had said this to me years ago before I knew Benoit, then I would be the most fortunate lady in all of England to have your attention. I would bask in it. But what you are suggesting… I am so afraid it would go badly for both of us.”
She was right, but he wasn’t going to admit it. He wasn’t going to give up. With a faint sigh, he closed the gap between them, watching her recoil from him slightly, wary of his very close proximity. Reaching out, he gently took her hand and lifted it to his lips, kissing it tenderly.
“I understand your fears,” he murmured. “I have no right to press my attentions. I know that. But know that I would never do anything to bring you shame or harm you, at least not maliciously. All I ask is that you let me show you how a man can be kind to you. Nothing more, nothing less. I promise I shall be discreet in every way, but you deserve to be showered with affection and kindness, Lysabel. Please do not deny me that great honor. Please let me show my affection for you.”