Chapter Twenty-Four
We took the Tube to Leicester Square, and I could tell Darcy still hated it, as he gripped the armrest the entire way, his jaw tense.
He didn’t speak or even look in my direction, and although that broke my heart, I knew it was what I deserved.
I had deceived him since the moment we first met, and I knew that would never be forgiven, but at least I could hopefully get him back to his loved ones and save Pride and Prejudice in the process.
Although how we were going to do that, I still had no idea; Nick had said something about reading Darcy back in but hadn’t given me any other details.
“Fitz!”
Mrs. Atallah bowled across the room, barging past me to throw her arms around Darcy. I’d messaged her, Nick, and Bianca before we got on the Tube, telling them I’d found Darcy and was bringing him to the bookshop.
“I brought you some food before you go,” Mrs. Atallah said, releasing him from her hug. “I’ve got all your favorites: baba ghanoush, kofte, mujadara, and of course, my falafel.”
“Thank you, Mrs. Atallah,” Darcy said, following her to the counter, where she’d lain out a number of Tupperware boxes.
“You’re welcome, habibi. Also, there are some important things I want to tell you, so pay attention.” She lowered her voice, something I’d previously believed her incapable of, and started whispering something to Darcy as he helped himself to her cooking.
“You OK?”
I turned around to see Bianca standing behind me. I was so relieved to see my best friend that, for a moment, I thought I was going to burst into tears.
“Just about holding up,” I managed.
“Shall we go outside? It looks like Mrs. Atallah is going to keep Darcy busy for a few minutes, and Nick is in the back, getting things ready.” Bianca pulled the door open, and I followed her outside.
“I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you about Darcy,” I said as soon as we stepped into the lamplit street. “I was just—”
“Let’s not talk about that now,” she said.
“But you must hate me. We never have secrets from each other, and yet I sat there in the pub and lied to your face.”
“Of course I don’t hate you,” Bianca said. “We can analyze why you didn’t tell me over a bottle of wine another time, but for now all that matters is how you’re feeling.”
I opened my mouth to say I was OK, then felt a crush of grief in my chest. It must have shown on my face, because Bianca put her arm around my shoulders.
“I know Darcy has to go back, but is it awful to say that I really don’t want to lose him?” I whispered, feeling guilty even saying the words out loud.
“It’s not awful at all—but also, you’re not losing him,” Bianca said. “You’ll still have Pride and Prejudice, where he’ll live on forever.”
“I know, but it’s not the same, is it? He won’t be waiting for me at home when I get back from work, and I can’t talk to him when he’s in the book,” I said. “I know it’s stupid to feel so sad about losing a fictional character, but this whole thing has felt so real to me.”
“But it has been real! Your feelings for Darcy aren’t fictional, so you’re allowed to grieve this like the end of any real relationship.”
A real relationship. At those words, I felt the tears I’d been holding back all afternoon start to fall.
“I thought I wanted a romantic relationship with Darcy, but it never felt quite right, so what does that say about me? Am I so broken that even when I have my dream man, I can’t make a relationship work? ”
“Listen to me: You are not broken,” Bianca said, grabbing my shoulders and turning me so I had to look at her.
“There are a million reasons why it might not have felt right with Darcy. Perhaps you weren’t in the headspace for a relationship, or maybe he wasn’t as great in real life as he was in the book.
Or it could be that it never felt right because deep down you knew Darcy couldn’t stay here forever.
But whatever the reason, I promise there’s nothing wrong with you, Zoe. ”
I wanted to believe my best friend, just like I’d wanted to believe Nick earlier, but the evidence of my life seemed to suggest otherwise.
My own dad had chosen to leave rather than stay and look after me when Mum was dying.
Crispin had kept me around while I was helpful but got rid of me the second I was no use to him anymore.
And now even Mr. Darcy—a man I’d seemingly read out of a novel because I needed him so much—was abandoning me too.
The tears fell harder until I could barely see.
“Before Darcy came along, I thought I was doing fine,” I sobbed.
“I thought relationships were too painful, writing was too hard, and all I needed was you and my book boyfriends to make me happy. But this past week with Darcy has given me a glimpse of another life, one that felt full of hope. And now he’s leaving me, and I’ll be back on my own again. ”
“You are not on your own! You have me and my family and Mr. Wickham—plus, I know Mrs. Atallah adores you, even if she has a funny way of showing it,” Bianca said.
“That’s a cat and a handful of people, most of them related to you. That’s hardly a thriving life, is it?”
“OK, maybe not ‘thriving,’ no,” she conceded. “But in that case, hasn’t Darcy done you a favor by making you realize you want more from your life? So perhaps rather than feeling so sad about him leaving, you should try and think of this time you’ve had with him as a gift?”
I stepped back from B, wiping my eyes. This past week had been incredible.
I’d written again for the first time in years and talked about Mum, plus I’d started imagining a life beyond the four walls of my flat.
I thought back to what Nick had said earlier, about his family’s book magic only working if someone had a problem they needed help with.
Is that why Darcy had come here: not because I was lonely or needed him as a romantic partner, but to help me realize I wanted more from my life?
“You know I’m right, don’t you?” Bianca said gently.
“And I understand things might seem hopeless right now, but I bet you that by this time next year, you’ll have written a book and be dating a man who adores you like Wes from Better Than the Movies, makes you laugh like Drew from Tangled, and shags you like Michael from The Kiss Quotient. ”
I let out a snotty bark of laughter. “Yeah, sadly, I’m not sure such a man exists.”
“Oh, I don’t know about that,” B said, smiling. “I have a feeling you might have already—”
“I’m so sorry to interrupt…” a voice said behind us, and I turned around to see Nick silhouetted in the doorway of the shop. “We have to start; Darcy’s other hand has begun to fade.”
I felt my stomach tighten. “Where is he?”
“Waiting out the back. Come on.”
The room looked the same as before, only Nick had moved the desk to one side so there was a bit more space. Darcy was in there with Mrs. Atallah, although he didn’t look up when I walked in.
“Are you OK, Darcy?” I asked.
He nodded, still staring at the floor. “Mrs. Atallah has informed me of the major events in the rest of season five of Love Island, so at least I shall return to Netherfield knowing of Tommy and Molly-Mae’s happy ending.”
I smiled at the older lady, but she wouldn’t look me in the eye, either, and I could tell she was fighting back tears.
The poor woman—she was going to miss Darcy as much as I was.
I made a mental note that once the dust had settled from all this, I’d make more of an effort to spend time with her, as opposed to running past her door whenever I went in or out.
“Mrs. Atallah, have you got the copy of Pride and Prejudice?” Nick said.
“Yes, I brought it from Zoe’s flat, like you asked.” She reached into her bag and pulled out Nick’s mum’s copy of the book, handing it to him. Nick looked at me.
“OK, Zoe. All you need to do is read out loud the same passage of Pride and Prejudice as you did on the bus, but this time, rather than wishing Darcy was real, you have to picture the scene in the story and focus all your attention on wishing him back into it.”
“I’ve tried that before and it didn’t work,” I said.
“But did you really mean it? You have to wish for Darcy to go back with all your heart; no part of you can want him to stay.”
I swallowed. “Can’t you do it?”
“I’m sorry, but I definitely don’t have the ability,” Nick said. “And even if I did, because it was you who read Darcy out, I think for the magic to work, it has to be you who reads him back in.”
“You’re so confident I can do this, but what if you’re wrong?” I said, voicing the question that had been nagging in the back of my brain all afternoon.
Nick moved across the room to stand next to me. “Look, I know I told you earlier that I don’t know how this happened, but what I do know is that you’ve channeled the magic before, either on your own or because of Mum’s book, which means you can do it again.”
Nick was looking at me with such conviction that I found myself nodding.
“OK, I’ll try,” I said, hoping I sounded more confident than I felt.
“I believe you can do this too,” Bianca said, and when I glanced at her, she gave me an encouraging smile.
My eyes moved to Darcy, who was the only person in the room not looking at me.
There were so many things I wanted to say to him: how sorry I was for lying, how much he’d helped me while he was here, and how grateful I was for all the wonderful memories he’d given me with my mum, but I knew there wasn’t time.
So in the end, all I said was, “Thank you for everything, Mr. Darcy.”
His eyes flicked to me and I saw his head nod in the tiniest bow. Then he looked back to the floor.
I exhaled slowly, trying to calm my pounding heart. As crazy as this felt, if Nick was right and I was the only person who could get Darcy back into Pride and Prejudice and save the book, I had to give it my best shot. No pressure, then.
“Please be careful,” Nick said gently, coming to stand beside me as he handed me the book. “Don’t allow your thoughts to get distracted by anything except your desire to send Darcy back. Just concentrate on the image in your head and forget everything else exists.”
I opened the book, my hands shaking as I turned to the end of chapter ten. The room was completely silent as I took a deep breath and started to read the same passage I’d read on the bus.
“‘Do not you feel a great inclination, Miss Bennet, to seize such an opportunity of dancing a reel?’
“She smiled, but made no answer. He repeated the question, with some surprise at her silence.”
As I said the words out loud, I pictured the scene in Netherfield: the opulent drawing room with the characters all assembled, Miss Bingley playing the piano and her sister accompanying her, Elizabeth leafing through some music books while Darcy watched her.
Please go back to Pride and Prejudice, Darcy, I mentally begged.
Return to Netherfield and your flirting with Elizabeth Bennet. That’s where you belong.
“‘Oh!’ said she. ‘I heard you before; but I could not immediately determine what to say in reply. You wanted me, I know, to say “Yes,” that you might have the pleasure of despising my taste, but I always delight in overthrowing those kind of schemes, and cheating a person of their premeditated contempt.’ ”
I didn’t dare look up, but I could tell everyone in the room was focused on my words.
I couldn’t let them down. Come on, Mr. Darcy, I willed.
Leave us and get back to Pride and Prejudice.
Georgiana needs you. Elizabeth needs you, even if she doesn’t realize it yet.
You can’t stay here with me, and although I wish I could come and visit you in Netherfield, I know I have to say goodbye to you now.
“Elizabeth, having rather expected to affront him, was amazed at his gallantry.” As I said these words, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach. Did that mean it was working?
“But there was a mixture of sweetness and archness in her manner which made it difficult for her to affront anyone…” The sharp pain continued, and now I felt dizzy. The letters on the page in front of me had gone blurry, and I was struggling to read them.
“And Darcy had never been so bewitched by any woman as he was by her,” I just managed to mutter before I felt myself sway.
“Zoe?”
That was Nick’s voice, but it sounded far away, as if I were underwater.
I glanced up to see him looking at me with panic in his eyes.
Then I felt the pain in my stomach again, like someone had stabbed a knife into me and was yanking out my large intestine.
I let out a cry, the book slipping from my fingers as I tumbled forward.
I reached out and felt Nick grasp my hand.
“Zoe, no!” I heard him shout, his fingers tightening around my own. But I couldn’t keep hold of him, the force from my stomach too strong, and then suddenly the ground was rushing up to meet me and I screamed as the world went black.