Chapter 52
“At the end of the day, what helps me survive this job is family. Without my loved ones, I would have nothing to keep me going in the field. I would have nothing to come home to. For a Reaper, family is invaluable.”
Journals of Reaper J. T. Cross
Going home alone felt wrong.
After the helicopter ride, the majority of which she slept, Alexys and Nic were dropped off at a private landing field and quickly ushered into separate vehicles.
They barely managed a swift goodbye before their cars headed off in different directions.
Alexys texted Natalie to be on concussion watch, but her friend was already out on her own evaluation, so they planned hourly check-ins instead.
Walking into her house, the quiet dark was not the homecoming she needed.
It didn’t feel safe, either. It felt like invisible eyes watched her, and she made quick work of turning on the lights, double-locking the front door and windows and closing the curtains.
Alexys retreated to her bedroom, hoping for a chance to sleep despite Cassandra’s orders.
She expected the emotions to come crashing down on her, to be absolutely swallowed whole by the grief and horror of what she’d been through and what she’d done. But instead of crippling anxiety, Alexys felt completely numb.
Empty.
Just like the Hollow Walker.
She felt so disconnected from herself and her body, too much had been taken out of her that she feared there was nothing left.
When her phone lit up with an incoming call from her mom, Alexys considered declining it. She was too exhausted to talk to anyone, and the last thing she needed was to rehash the details of her field trip, but if she didn’t answer, her mom might assume the worst.
“Mama?” Her voice shook like the broken words of a frightened child. She felt tears prick at the corners of her eyes.
“Lexi Lou, what’s wrong?”
Alexys tried to swallow against the tears constricting her throat.
There was something about her mom’s voice that felt like a safe place, even more than her own home, and tore through the numb feeling that had settled over her, freeing an onslaught of emotions.
She managed to croak out, “It was a really hard day.”
“Oh, honey, it’s gonna be okay. There’s nothing you can’t handle.”
Alexys choked on something that could’ve been a laugh or a sob.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
She did, desperately. She wanted to tell her mom all about the monsters and witches and horrors she’d faced. About Elliot and Nic and the impossible choices she’d made. The mistakes, the regrets.
“I knew working at Entity wouldn’t do you any good.” Her mom said the word with such disdain. “It already stole your daddy from us, don’t you let it take you, too.”
Alexys felt a single tear roll down her cheek and quickly brushed it away.
Her mom was coming from a good place, a place of hurt and heartbreak and love.
But she knew she couldn’t really be honest with her about what happened, that maybe no one, other than Nic, would ever really know what she’d been through.
“It’s nothing that serious, Mama, I’m just tired. You know I have trouble sleeping.”
Her mom launched into a lecture on sleep habits and doctors, and Alexys let her. She let her mind wander, back to West Virginia, the woods, the cave, the mine. She wondered what Nic was doing that very second. Was he thinking about her too?
Alexys spent the rest of the night curled up in bed, a dull ache at the base of her skull.
Every creak of the house was the Hollow Walker.
Every cold draft was Silas at the front door.
Between check-ins with Natalie, she slipped in and out of light sleep, the sounds of birds and insects outside her windows disorienting her, and Alexys had to pop her head up every so often to make sure she wasn’t back in the woods.
Finally, after tossing and turning, showering for the third time since leaving the woods, she couldn’t fight it anymore: she needed to see Nic. She sent him a message and he replied straight away with his address.
He only lived a short drive from Alexys, and when she pulled into the driveway, she wasn’t surprised to find that his house was beautiful, and so classically South Carolina.
She wouldn’t have been surprised if it had featured on the cover of some architectural magazine.
White pillars on an open porch, plenty of windows, and a beautifully maintained front garden.
Alexys began to doubt herself as she walked the cobbled path up to the front door, but the image of Nic dying in her arms was still too fresh, she needed to see him. Alexys took a deep breath, mustered all of her remaining courage, and knocked.
Nic answered immediately, anticipating her.
“Alexys,” he said, bleary-eyed, and her breath caught. “Come in, please.” He wore plaid pajama pants and a faded tee, a startling contrast to his usually professional attire. His curls stuck up at odd angles, but his face was flushed, full of color—of life.
He stepped back from the door frame and nodded his head toward the entryway behind him. Her eyes bounced around his face, and she felt her cheeks warm with embarrassment. She hadn’t rehearsed any kind of explanation or excuse for being at his house, and her text had been vague.
Nic frowned and asked, “Is everything alright?”
Alexys became distinctly aware of her too-large sweatpants and faded t-shirt. She crossed her arms over her chest and tried to smile reassuringly.
“Everything’s fine. I just … Nat’s on her evaluation trip, and the medics said we shouldn’t be alone.”
“Yes, well, I’ve got the kettle on.” He shut the door behind her, and she followed him to the back of the house.
The kitchen was spacious. Dark cabinets with chrome finishings and pristine white counter tops.
The appliances all looked brand new, shining silver in the warm yellow light of the fixtures above.
She thought it was all strangely clean compared to the absolute disaster that was his office.
A bar stretched across from the stove with four barstools sat behind it, one of which Nic told her to sit on while he pulled the kettle from the stove and poured the tea.
“Chamomile,” he said as he passed her a steaming mug. “It’ll helps with sleep.”
“I’ve tried it before, doesn’t work for me.” Alexys took a tentative sip all the same and hummed at the warm, earthy flavor. “Thank you.”
Nic smiled at her over the top of his mug. “With how much caffeine you drink, I’m not surprised. It’s tea, not a miracle drug.”
She rolled her eyes, but the ease with which they’d slipped into their usual banter made her chest tighten with sudden warmth.
“I don’t see you sleeping, so it must not be that amazing.
” He arched a brow at her, a smile teasing at the corner of his lips.
“Okay, so maybe that’s my fault.” Alexys took another sip of her tea. “I didn’t wake you up, did I?”
“No,” Nic assured her. “Sleep is virtually impossible after everything we’ve been through, and we’re technically still meant to be observing our concussions for another”—he glanced at the watch on his wrist—“hour or two.”
She nodded. “I should’ve just texted you sooner.”
He set one hand on the counter and began a rhythmic tap of his long fingers. “You could have.”
Tap. Tap-tap. Tap.
While absolutely not staring at his tapping fingers and considering how elegant they looked, Alexys realized the mug he was holding had the Entity logo painted on the side. She glanced down at her hands and found an identical one.
“Did you steal these from the breakroom?”
Nic’s expression barely shifted—the perfect mask of innocence if you didn’t know the clues to look for. The little tick of the corner of his mouth that hid a smile, the spark of mischief in his eyes.
“I’ll have to replace these, you know,” she pretended to scold him. “You thief.”
“I doubt anyone’s noticed they’re missing.”
He was right, of course. No one cared about mugs in the breakroom, and they had an abundance of them in HR storage.
Alexys smiled. “You know, my dad stole a few, too,” she said in a soft voice, mostly to herself. “I loved them as a kid, made me feel like a grownup.”
“Oh!” The excitement in Nic’s voice drew her eyes to his, and Alexys was surprised to find them fixed on her. He jumped to his feet and held his hand out to her. “I have something to show you.”
Alexys took his hand and let him guide her to the living room. His palm was warm, and she enjoyed the growing familiarity of having his hand pressed against hers. It wasn’t necessary given how easy it was to navigate through the house, but she refused to let go.
There was a fireplace on the far wall, complimented by beautiful built-in bookcases.
In the center of the room was a large, L-shaped sofa, thoughtfully decorated with cushions and a few woven blankets.
She hadn’t pegged him for a throw pillow kind of guy, but she had to admit his place was very stylish.
“That’s the biggest couch I’ve ever seen. The pillows and blankets are a nice touch. Enough here to build an entire fort.” Alexys laughed.
“I like comfort, what can I say? You’re welcome to lie down, it’s very soft.”
Alexys shot him a playful look. “Are you propositioning me?”
Nic’s eyes went comically wide. She knew he wasn’t, of course. She couldn’t imagine Nic’s go-to seduction routine involved SleepyTime tea and a couch covered with knitted throws. But seeing him embarrassed was so rare, she couldn’t help herself.
“Nic,” Alexys said, drawing his name out. She liked the way it sounded. “If you wanted me to spend the night, you should’ve just asked.”
Nic groaned in response, but he couldn’t hide the way his ears reddened, color spreading across his cheeks.
“Alright, that’s enough of that.” He tried to look disapproving, but he couldn’t hide his amusement. “Do you want to see what I have for you or not?”
It wasn’t supposed to be an innuendo, but her face still flooded with heat. Images of Nic by the campfire, stretched out and glowing in the firelight, flashed through her mind.
Without a reply, Nic turned to one of the bookcases and pulled down a dusty, leatherbound book. It was worn, and faded, and smaller than most of the other books on the shelves.
Nic held it out to her and said, “It’s one of your father’s journals.”
Her heart nearly stopped beating. Alexys wasn’t breathing. The entire world froze as she stared at that book.
“What?” she barely managed to whisper.
“Entity used to encourage the Wardens and Reapers to keep journals as they worked.” Nic ran a hand along the cover of the journal almost reverently.
“Copies of them are kept in the Archives, but I was able to keep some of the originals for my own collection. I didn’t realize I had your father’s journal until you mentioned he was a Warden, and I put two and two together. It’s only right for you to have it.”
Alexys took the journal with shaking hands and sat heavily on the couch.
She ran her fingertips gently over the leather binding as she carefully opened to the first page.
It had been so long since she’d seen her dad’s handwriting.
The thought of reading his thoughts, of being closer to him than she’d been in years, was the best gift anyone could give her.
“Thank you, Nic,” she said, “I had no idea …” Her voice trailed off. A sweet ache bloomed beneath her ribs—for Nic, for the journal, for all the years without her dad.
“It’s my pleasure,” Nic said, looking down at her affectionately.
Without another word, Alexys sank further into the couch, curled up against the many pillows, and started reading.