Chapter 23 Sasha #2
“I saw some. In the closet in my room,” Sasha said. That was all she had to say. Aurora could think whatever she wanted.
“Oh,” she said. She dropped her purse on the island.
“And a bottle too.”
Aurora appeared perplexed, disbelieving that her beloved Angeni was secretly storing this contraband.
“She must have been thinking ahead to a situation like this one,” Aurora said. “That makes me feel better, actually.”
Sasha just shrugged.
“But I’m not sure she’ll take a bottle,” Aurora said. She bit her lip.
“I bet I can make it happen,” Sasha said. “Let me try.”
Aurora looked on in wonderment as Freya took the bottle, just as Sasha knew she would. Aurora made Sasha swear that they wouldn’t tell Angeni about the formula. “We’ll just say she gobbled up the whole batch of the paté, okay?” Aurora said. It was so silly, Sasha half expected a pinkie promise.
By nightfall, Erik was still at the hospital with Angeni, and Freya had guzzled two bottles. Matt and Jer brought pizza from town, something they rarely did because of Angeni’s preference for home-cooked meals. They used the same phrase of rationalization as Sasha had—extenuating circumstances.
When Aurora, Matt, and Jer retired to their tiny homes at the back of the property, it was just Sasha and Freya in the house alone.
Sasha was exhausted from the drama of the day, and judging by how Freya fell asleep in her lap, Freya was exhausted too.
Sasha didn’t want to get up from the couch and wake Freya, so she closed her eyes right there, figured she’d make her way to her room the next time Freya stirred.
Sasha woke up just after midnight when Erik came through the front door. When he realized Sasha and Freya were there on the couch, he winced, mouthed I’m sorry. Freya shifted in Sasha’s lap, her face scrunching in discontent. Now was the time to go to her bedroom.
“How is she?” Sasha asked as she stood from the couch, holding Freya against her chest, the baby’s mouth rooting into her neck as it sometimes did.
“She’s okay,” Erik said. “Vomited on the way to the hospital. Concussion. They want to keep her overnight for a couple scans, just to be safe. Has quite a goose egg on her head now.”
He looked exhausted, puffy bags under bloodshot eyes.
“Are you okay?” Sasha asked.
She started walking down the hallway to her room, curious if he would follow her. He did.
“I’m beat,” he said.
She turned into her room, laid Freya on the floor mattress. The baby squirmed for a few seconds and then fell into an instantly deep slumber.
Erik stood in the doorway, lingering, hovering.
“Do you want to talk?” Sasha asked.
She didn’t think he would, not after the day’s events, but he said, “Yeah. Is that okay?”
She nodded.
“Can I get us tea?” he asked.
She nodded again, and he turned to leave.
Sasha sat next to Freya on the mattress, putting her hand on the baby’s tummy.
She watched it rise and fall with each of Freya’s breaths.
She hit the record button on her phone and put it face down on the nightstand.
A few minutes later, Erik returned with two cups of tea and sat cross-legged on the floor next to the mattress.
“How is she?” he asked, eyes on his sleeping daughter.
“Totally fine,” Sasha said.
“Took the formula?”
“Like a champ.”
“We won’t tell Ang,” he said. It was a statement, not a question.
“Okay.”
“I don’t normally condone lying, but . . .”
“I get it,” Sasha said.
They each took sips of their tea, a noticeable awkwardness in the room with them. If Sasha hadn’t been sure before, she was sure now that there was an electricity between them.
Erik set his mug on the floor and lowered his head into his hands, fingers massaging his scalp. When he looked up again, his eyes were red and watery.
“You’re not okay at all,” Sasha said.
She felt more compassion for him than she’d expected to feel. She had come to see him, like she saw Angeni, as human. In other words, flawed and complex.
“I don’t know what’s going on with Angeni,” he said.
Sasha wondered if she should tell him about the ominous letter, the apparent reason for her latest fainting spell. She decided to wait, to see if he’d bring it up. He’d spent the last several hours with Angeni—she would have told him, wouldn’t she? Unless she didn’t want him to know.
“Like, medically?” Sasha asked.
He shook his head. “More like mentally.”
“Mentally,” Sasha echoed.
“She feels very . . . far away. She’s going through something, and she won’t let me in.”
“Has this happened before?”
What were the chances that Sasha had placed herself in the middle of this woman’s nervous breakdown? What were the chances she’d had a part in causing it?
“No,” he said. “I mean, we both had rocky times before we met each other. But I’ve always known her as so . . . together.”
“Rocky times?” Sasha inquired, gently.
He lifted his mug, sipped.
“We each had our demons. We each had our way of trying to escape them,” he said.
Sasha sipped her own tea, waited for more.
“Angeni’s mother . . . she had mental issues. Killed herself—think I already told you that. Angeni and Aurora, they saw it happen.”
“Oh my god,” Sasha said.
She’d had no idea. It explained a lot—Erik’s concern about Angeni’s recent episodes, the bond between Angeni and Aurora, Angeni’s dedication to being The Best Mother for her own daughter.
“I just feel like I’m losing her,” he said.
He started crying again.
Sasha pushed herself up from the floor, went to him, put a hand on his back.
“Taking her to the hospital right now, that was like another trauma for her,” he said.
“Trauma?” Sasha asked.
He was looking at the ground in front of him when he said, “Nobody knows this, but she didn’t give birth to Freya at home. She had to be rushed to the hospital. The same hospital she’s at now.”
Sasha suddenly felt like she was on a boat in rough waters. Her vision blurred as the room seemed to spin around her.
“What?” she said.
Sasha tasted the tang of bile in her throat. She removed her hand from his back.
“She lied?” Sasha said.
Erik looked up at her. He appeared confused by her tone, the gravity of it. The Sitka he knew wouldn’t have cared so much how Angeni Luna had delivered her baby.
“She didn’t lie, not outright. She always phrased it as that she labored at home, in the tub.
She just didn’t mention that Freya was born in the hospital,” he said.
He would always come to her defense. That was why Angeni had chosen him, wasn’t it?
“Honestly, I think she’s blocked out the hospital .
. . but being there now, I don’t know what’s going to happen to her mentally. ”
Sasha closed her eyes.
Daphne, are you hearing this? Are you?
When she opened her eyes, the room was no longer spinning around her. She took deep breaths, focused on counting her inhales and exhales. She needed to be alone, to think through this new information. Should she text Jay or wait to tell him in person?
“People think she gave birth in a stupid tub,” Sasha said, unable to control the vitriol in her voice.
Erik furrowed his brow, clearly still confused by how much it mattered to her.
“Do you have any idea how many people have decided to have babies in tubs at home because of her?” Sasha was nearly screaming now.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize this would be so upsetting,” Erik said. He seemed genuinely apologetic, clueless as to how this revelation had rocked Sasha’s world.
“She’s a fake. And she’s dangerous,” Sasha said, words bursting forth before she had a chance to censor them. “You have to tell people the truth.”
He nodded slowly, his eyes locked on hers as if he was trying to assess the extent of this breakdown she was having.
“Isn’t that what you two always preach—the power of the truth?”
She thought of the recording in progress on her phone, how she now had the ability to share the truth with the world.
She could post it on social media. It was sure to go viral, with Angeni Luna’s millions of followers realizing how they had been deceived.
People were vicious—they would never let it go.
They would call her a fraud, a phony. At first, Sasha would feel a rush of satisfaction.
But then what? Sasha knew Angeni Luna well enough to know she would be destroyed by this—emotionally, financially.
She had seen the woman lose consciousness over less.
At some point, whatever satisfaction Sasha felt would turn into remorse.
As she realized this, her anger at Erik’s revelation dissolved, replaced by despair over all that had happened and couldn’t be changed.
She started to cry, big heaving sobs that made her whole body shake.
“Sitka, I’m sorry,” he said.
She chose to think he was sorry for everything—for going along with Angeni’s lies, for Daphne, for little Theodore.
“It’s been such a stressful day for everyone,” he said.
He reached for her hand, clasped it in his. Then he started to cry again too.
“You are right about the truth,” he said, eyes watery. “We all need to be more honest with ourselves.”
She squeezed his hand, a gentle consolation, and then released, but he didn’t let go.
He pushed himself up to his knees and pulled her toward him, wrapped his arms around her body.
He held her so tightly. She could feel the fear in him, the desperation for connection.
She would be lying if she said it didn’t feel good to be held.
He was comforting her in the midst of a despair he didn’t fully understand.
As he pulled away from her body, their faces remained mere inches apart. His eyes scanned hers, shifting back and forth as if reading her like text. Then he leaned forward and pressed his lips against hers.
She wasn’t sure how long they kissed. It felt like hours, but couldn’t have been more than a minute.
Her mouth was immobile at first, a recipient instead of a participant, but then she let her lips move against his.
She couldn’t deny the stirring in her lower belly.
She desired him—that was just one more difficult truth.
Freya gurgled, and they stopped, separating from each other suddenly. It was like a spell had been broken.
“I’m sorry,” Erik said. “I don’t know what I was—”
“It’s okay,” Sasha said. Even though it wasn’t. She knew it wasn’t.
“It’s been such a weird day.”
He got to his feet, a frantic scramble. Sasha did the same. As he turned to leave, Sasha turned too. In the same second, they saw her. Aurora. Standing in the doorway, all the color drained from her face.