Chapter 10 Colson
COLSON
ELEVEN YEARS OLD
Dear Mom,
I’m in detention writing to you. I hit Danner again, but in my defense he’s a douchebag.
I miss our smaller notes that we used to be able to pass back and forth between Martina going to see you every day.
Dad has been working a ton, and his secretary is over at the house a lot now.
I don’t like it. She even sleeps over. I hate that you’re back in there again, after a summer of being home.
Why are you back in there? I hate this. – Love, Cole
Dear Cole,
I’m sorry, honey. I am trying my best to get better for you, but my body is taking a bit longer to get the message.
Why are you fighting in school, sweetie?
That doesn’t make me happy, I want you to be respectful and kind.
I want you happy, my son. Surrounded by life.
I know your dad works a lot, but try not to forget about the sunshine inside your soul.
It was there the day you were born, and you let it out every time you smile and you think of others.
I want you to remember that. Thank you for the beautiful flowers you had delivered.
I have no idea how you knew I needed to see those today, but it meant a lot.
Please check on my garden, it will bring you joy and comfort on those hard days. – Love, Mom
Being inside Peter’s office felt wrong.
I’d stood inside it hundreds of times over the past year, but this morning, with unwelcome emotions clogging my chest, I didn’t want to be here. He’d called me early and asked if I could pop in for a few minutes before I headed to meet Davis.
Peter was busy digging through a few files, before turning toward me with a tired expression, his hair looked lighter too, as if retiring had done the opposite for him, causing more stress.
With a singular window that faced the parking lot, and a modest-sized desk in the middle of the room, it was as sparse as ever, considering we were usually working out of our on-site trailers during projects.
“Thank you for coming in, I know you have the day off, so I appreciate it.”
I gave him a firm nod.
Sorting a few papers, he looked up and addressed me. “I wanted to thank you for picking up Nora yesterday…it was lucky timing that you were on your way home, but still, I appreciate you taking care of her.”
The way my insides wanted to rearrange themselves at the notion that I’d picked her up for him was fucking horrific. He’d called, but he never asked me to take her home with me, and he sure as fuck didn’t tell me to touch her.
The only thing I had done for him was hurt his daughter by acting like last night meant nothing to me.
“It was no trouble.”
Peter grabbed for his shoulder bag, stuffing folders inside, and pawing through a few documents. He was a fucking mess. Call me an asshole, but the way I resented him right now was too grand for me not to take advantage.
“Nora mentioned you offered her your house.”
My boss’s eyes bounced up, widening the smallest bit.
I never got personal with his daughter, at least that’s what he thought.
“You two talking now?” he chided, putting his eyes back on the various piles around his desk. He needed an assistant, but the dude had too many control issues to hire one.
“Why shouldn’t we talk?” I challenged, leaning against the wall and kicking my boot out. I was so fucking exhausted of this game he had me playing, all the goddamn hoops he constantly wanted me to jump through, it was bullshit.
Peter froze, standing from hovering over his work and pinned me with an icy glare.
“You know exactly why you shouldn’t, Colson…we discussed this last year.”
Pushing off the wall, I tipped my chin. “Refresh my memory, boss…I walked into your office, interviewed, and your daughter came in to see you.”
Peter’s jaw ticked hard as he glared.
I continued, “I hadn’t even met her yet, I hadn’t said a single word and you—”
“You didn’t have to say anything,” Peter rushed out, his eyes narrowing and a vein protruding in his forehead.
His words stopped me, I was trying to push him into explaining why he was so fucking set on keeping me from Nora, but truth be told, I had never challenged him on it.
I wanted this place; I needed a fresh start.
Leaving my life in Malibu and my family behind, I wanted to carve out a place that molded to my life.
So, when Peter said that no one who worked for him would ever be involved with his daughter, I went with it, whittling away at my newfound freedom. But now…I was curious.
“What do you mean I didn’t have to say anything?”
Peter rapped his knuckles against his desk, shaking his head in frustration.
“The reason I hired you was because I could see in your eyes that you wanted this. You came to me with an MBA, and truthfully, I had no use for someone like you. You’d never built a house, even framed a chicken coop as far as you told me…
but I recognized hunger in your eyes. A desire to create something of your own, and make it thrive.
So, I hired you and before long, you made it obvious that I’d be an idiot not to make you my number two.
You’re a natural born leader, Colson, and obviously a savvy businessman.
But the way you looked at Nora that day…
it was like you’d be willing to accept this job, but for her… you’d leave it just as fast.”
Creasing my brow, I tried to make sense of what that meant.
“So because it looked like I would leave for her…you sabotaged any fu—”
He cut me off with a slash of his hand. “It wasn’t that you would leave for her…it was that you looked at her like there was nothing but her …you looked at her like she was it for you. No job, no person or thing on this planet would ever be enough in comparison.”
I had no idea what he was talking about, and yet…
Anger and hurt tangled in my chest like messy patchwork.
Why did he get to decide that about me? For all I remembered, I looked at Nora like a normal person.
I mean, sure she was gorgeous, and she stopped our conversation when she’d walked in…
but how did Peter gather all that extra shit from that one interaction? I didn’t buy it.
“I think you saw what you wanted to see, Peter. Nora didn’t have the sort of impact you’re implying.”
Exhaling and finally taking his eyes off me, he expanded. “I take it you haven’t ever been in love…or maybe you haven’t realized you were, but I have and I know what love looks like and what’s better, I know what devotion looks like and you practically tripped into both when you met her.”
“Then… why keep her from me? If all that you’re saying is true, then why wouldn’t you want her to be with me?”
He leveled me with a firm stare, unwavering as he waited…for what, I had no idea but finally after a few tense, silent moments he cleared his throat.
“Because she’s too young for you, Colson.
She hasn’t lived yet. That look you gave her would only shackle her.
I asked you to watch out for her because you’re her neighbor, and you’re my right-hand man.
I can trust you, but Macon is too small for her.
She’s going to spread her wings and if all goes according to plan, you’ll be here running this company. ”
“But what if she wants Macon? I mean, her best friend is here, why wouldn’t she settle down here?”
Peter’s sigh was loud and heavy as he explained, “She was away from Rae for four years during college. And even after that, Nora wasn’t even going to move back here. She did it for us. She has plans, dreams…and anyone who cared for her in any real capacity wouldn’t entice her with a cage.”
I wanted to tell him he was wrong, explain that he didn’t know her the way I did, but the truth was, I didn’t know her either and fuck if that didn’t hurt to admit. And after last night, she probably wouldn’t give me the chance to ask.
Peter walked past me, heading out of his office.
“She’s going to need someone to look out for her for now. I hope that person is you, but if not, I’ll understand that you’re wanting to pull your name out of the running. I have other offers coming in. I plan on making a decision before Christmas.”
Without another comment, he walked away, and I continued staring at nothing until my eyes began to burn.