Chapter 13 Colson
COLSON
TWELVE YEARS OLD
Dear Mom,
I don’t understand what’s going on…when I saw you last week, you acted like things were getting better.
I’m trying, Mom. I’ve been trying…but it hurts that you’re in there because your mind won’t let you be out here with me.
I’m pretty sure Dad is doing something bad with his receptionist…
I try not to be nosy anymore, when spying only makes things worse.
But what am I supposed to do, Mom? When I see you, and you write to me, it doesn’t feel like you’re depressed.
It doesn’t feel like you’ll hurt yourself.
I wish you’d come back for me. I wish I was enough for you. – Love, Cole
Dear Cole,
I love you so much, my sweet boy. Everything will be okay.
You’ll see. I’m getting the help I need, and I’ll be home soon.
Your dad and I are working it out, don’t you worry about it.
How’s my garden doing? Do you talk to the plants, have you named any of them?
I hope you do, talking to plants is therapeutic and can help you process feelings you might not know you’re repressing. Stay strong, sweet boy. – Love, Mom
Nora slept curled against me all night.
After the massage where I worked more than just her muscles, we took a bath together. She’d joked about me taking a shower, but when I went to help her in, I stepped in first and pulled her to me as we lowered into the water.
She had lain in my arms, soaking while watching her show, and it was oddly one of the most tranquil moments of my existence. The image would stay in my memory forever as a reminder of what it was like to hold the woman I was falling in love with.
It was shit timing to discover it, but the more I thought over what Peter had said, the more I realized I had been falling and dodging this for a while. I couldn’t keep pretending like this wasn’t what I wanted. I couldn’t shove her away or push her off…all I could think about was being near her.
Handing her a mug of coffee, I stared at her while I sipped mine. Her back seemed to be doing much better when she got out of bed and as she maneuvered around my house.
“We still have to put your tree in your house.”
Her aqua eyes jumped to mine in surprise. “Someone actually brought it back?”
I nodded. “Davis and Rae tossed it in the back with theirs.”
“Let’s go.” She started toward the front where her boots were.
Walking up behind her, I tugged her to my chest and kissed the side of her neck.
“Just hang on for a second, okay?”
She breathed in deeply. “Okay.”
“What if we make a day of it, have the girls come over and help us decorate it?”
She seemed to consider that, but after a few seconds, she pulled out of my arms.
“I would love that…but I missed two whole days of work. I have to get back to it. Can we connect once I’ve made some headway on my project?”
Feeling the smallest fissure crack open in my chest, I nodded.
“Of course.”
We also needed to talk about what we were to one another…
I knew the whole relationship discussion was a taboo subject, but I didn’t want Nora to have to guess where I was at with things.
Having her in my house and having sex made me realize that I didn’t want to risk losing her.
We were figuring it out, and I wanted the ability and freedom to pursue that.
Peter was right, all I could think of was how easy it would be to give up on the idea of having the company as long as it meant I could keep her. It confused me…I wanted the company more than anything, but after last night…I wasn’t so sure anymore.
Clicking through my emails, I was about to close my laptop when one caught my eye. It had been sent a week ago, but I must have glanced over it or missed it. Hesitating, I hovered my mouse over the subject and then reluctantly opened it.
Dear Cole,
I heard you were coming to Malibu for Christmas; I really want to see you when you’re here. I know the last time I was up in Portland you couldn’t drive and see me…but if you could find time for me, I would be grateful.
I stared at the white space under the email where her name should be, or some sort of sign off and scoffed. Still the same bullshit as ever, her trying not to be who she is to me and trying not to remind me who she is. I hated that she was still doing this.
Aside from her email, and frustrating sign off, I hadn’t confirmed that I would be attending Christmas. Pulling my cell, I dialed my little brother.
He answered on the third ring.
“Heyyy, if it isn’t my long-lost big brother!”
“Nate, why does the family seem to think I’m attending Christmas in California?”
My brother made some sort of chewing sound on his end before replying.
“Dad said you confirmed.”
Rolling my eyes, I tilted the phone as I spun in my office chair.
“Why would you assume I did?”
The silence lasted for a bit longer than I was comfortable and then he said, “Because of Mom…I just assumed you’d come back for—”
Sitting up, trying to regulate my heart rate, I cut him off.
“Stop.”
I wasn’t prepared to talk about her…not like this, so suddenly.
My younger brother’s voice was soft as he cautiously pushed on. “Well, if not for her, then would you just come for us? We miss you…fuck Dad, and everyone else. Come visit your little brothers. We haven’t seen you in forever.”
He was right, it had been well over a year since I had seen them, and our talks were getting sparse.
I had promised that I would go back more often.
Fuck it.
“Fine, I’ll come.”
“Yesss, you better be ready to surf. Trevor thinks he’s the best of us, and I need you to knock him on his ass.”
Chuckling, I agreed and then caught up with him about his life before ending the call.
Christmas in Malibu.
Shit.
Snapping my laptop shut, I stood and grabbed my keys.
I’d given Nora the entire day to work. It was time for dinner, and to discuss what we were to one another or maybe we could let things progress naturally without any conversations…
I headed to the market first, grabbing soup, fresh rolls, and a bouquet of bright yellow flowers with specks of gold and red inside. I had no idea what they were called, but they reminded me of her.
Parking in my driveway, I grabbed all the goods and headed across the small gap between the low fence that separated our properties.
Nora’s house had a nice tendril of smoke coming from the top of her chimney, and several of her lights were on inside.
My stomach somersaulted the way it did the first time I realized she’d moved in next to me a few months back.
I remembered how I would come home, see her car in the driveway, and imagine what it would be like to walk over, knock on her door and lean in and kiss her.
I used to wonder what she would do if I showed her how many times I left Post-it notes for her in the work trailer, only to have her assume it was one of the other guys who worked there.
She’d been in my head for a lot longer than she would ever realize. My heart was finally processing that it could expel that fucking thorn that had been wedged there for a year and it felt refreshing as fuck.
Before I even knocked, the door swung open, and Nora stood smiling at me.
“Hey!”
I smiled, walking inside. “Hey.”
She shut the door, and I took a second to take in her wild curls, the black-rimmed glasses perched on her nose, the slim white tank top, baggy sweats, and thick socks.
I had rubbed every inch of her back the night before, and yet seeing her with those tiny straps holding up her full breasts made me want to drag them down her arms.
“What are you—” she started to ask, but I stepped up and pressed my lips to hers, cutting her off.
Our mouths moved slow, sensual and hungry.
I may have had my dick inside of her last night, but kissing her and feeling those delicate fingers wrap up around my neck and push through my hair was better than anything I could ask for.
“Sorry,” I pulled away and then kissed her jaw before heading to the kitchen.
She followed after me, rubbing her arms.
“Wow, you brought dinner and flowers?” She moved to the flowers, gently touching each petal. “These are beautiful.”
I set the pint of soup out and turned to grab a bowl from her cupboard.
“Thank you, this was all so thoughtful.”
A few minutes later, we both sat on opposite ends of the couch, eating our soup while the news played on the television. I couldn’t get over how normal it felt, and unhurried. How ending every day should look like this.
“Can you believe how much snow Portland got this year? It’s not even Christmas…they’re totally buried.” Nora shook her head, watching the screen.
For some reason my stomach tilted with the words I wanted to say to her, but I had no idea where to start…or for that matter, what to say. All I knew was that I liked her, and I really fucking wanted to keep kissing her.
“How was your day, did you get everything done?” I asked, glancing briefly at the bare tree sitting in the corner of her living room. I’d brought it in for her earlier but honored her request not to decorate it until she had a chance to catch up on work.
“I got a lot done, not everything…actually not even close to everything. I ended up having a bad spasm hit my back that had me down for a while. I had my laptop, but I couldn’t draw the way I needed to.”
“Shit, I wish you would have said something.” I sipped my water and set my empty bowl on the table.
“It’s okay, I took a muscle relaxer, and it was fine after a while.”
She folded her legs underneath her, and watched me spin the cup on my kneecap.
I had no idea how to start this.
Nora cleared her throat and said, “Actually, so I…” She faltered a little bit, making my eyes jump up. “I wanted to talk to you about something.”
I moved so I was facing her.
Taking a deep breath, she set her seltzer on the table and brought her hands together.