Chapter 19 Colson
COLSON
SIXTEEN YEARS OLD
Dear Mom,
This feels stupid…but my therapist said it was a good idea.
Feels fucking lame, though. Because I’m not reading it to anyone, no matter what that guy suggests, and you’ll never see it.
So, what’s the point?
I don’t even know what to tell you…maybe that I’m graduating early. But don’t be proud of that. I’m graduating so I can get away from Dad, and his new family. Don’t worry, the boys have fallen in famously with them. They’re one big happy family, I’m the one with the issues.
I’m the one who remembers my dead mother.
I’m the one who keeps yelling and screaming at everyone because I feel like no one else does.
I blame him. I can’t not blame him, Mom, and I know you’d tell me not to. I know you’d tell me to let it go and focus on something else, but I don’t want to.
And I don’t want their family. Not Sherrie. Not her...
I don’t want any of it.
So, I hope you’re in heaven, loving your garden. Maybe one day I’ll find someone who makes me feel sunshine the way you always did. Maybe one day I’ll find another garden to nurture with someone who wants me like this. Broken and bruised.
I’ll dream about tomorrow, Mom.
Love, Cole
The nearest airport was two hours away, so Nora and I had to get on the road soon, but I had to make a pit stop at the office first. Peter apparently had an emergency.
Like fuck did I believe he actually had a crisis, but by going in, I could finally put to rest all the shit I knew he wanted to say about what Nora had said the other night.
The office parking lot was empty, save for Peter’s truck, and considering Christmas Eve was tomorrow, all our projects were on hold.
Snow still covered the sidewalks, the top of the building, and all the empty spaces.
The sky was dark and graying, but at least the forecast was clear, so Nora and I could leave for Portland on clear roads.
I parked next to him, hopped out, and hustled inside.
Peter was at his desk, like last time, but now there were no pictures of his wife or Nora on his desk, nothing on his walls. The desk was completely empty, which made me think we could have met somewhere else, or even talked about this on the phone.
“Peter.” I greeted my boss.
His graying hair seemed even lighter, and his eyes seemed darker as they focused on me from behind his glasses.
“Colson. Thank you for making the time to come before your flight.”
Settling into the seat across from him, I asked, “Don’t you have a cruise to catch?”
He brought his hands together in front of him and inhaled a sharp breath.
“No, actually. After our conversation with Nora the other night, we realized that we needed to stay here for Christmas. For her.”
Well, here the fuck we went.
Rubbing at my jaw, I tried to keep the “fuck off” vibe out of my tone as I said, “Well, Nora is coming to California with me.”
Peter stood, shoving his chair behind him.
“What part of me not wanting you two to be romantically involved do you not understand?”
I slowly got to my feet because like fuck was I going to allow anyone to yell down at me.
“Sir, with all due respect, Nora didn’t realize you’d be here, so I offered for her to accompany me as my guest.”
Peter’s eyes narrowed. “And is that all she is to you? A guest?”
I waited, unsure if I wanted to do this…but after closing my eyes and taking a deep breath, I ripped it off like a Band-Aid.
“No. She’ll be introduced as my girlfriend.”
“You prick.” Peter seethed.
I ground my molars together, not wanting to fight with him, but needing to stand my ground.
“I love her, Peter. I’m in love with her…you know this, fuck, you knew it the day I met her.”
“And I told you this can’t happen.”
I shook my head incredulously. “And I listened to you and almost ruined everything with her. I stayed away from her for a year, Peter.”
“You stabbed me in the back…took an assignment and twisted it to fit your own agenda.”
Gripping the back of the chair, I dipped my head and laughed.
“My agenda? Are you fucking serious? I wanted this company, Peter. I worked my ass off, I wanted to be the first in line to buy it from you. That was my agenda. That and falling for my next-door neighbor—”
“She won’t be your neighbor for long,” Peter said, like he knew a secret that I didn’t.
I decided to ruin that for him too.
“You’re right, I plan on asking her to move in with me around the new year.”
“Why did you want this company, Colson?” He tilted his head as though he were truly curious. But Peter had heard about my family…he knew about my father.
“I want something that’s just mine…something I can build, leave to my family if I ever have one. Something that isn’t tied to my father in any way.”
“And you’re willing to give all that up for a twenty-three-year-old girl who can’t even decide what her favorite flavor of ice cream is?”
She seemed to like mint…didn’t she?
“I wouldn’t have to choose, Peter, if you’d accept the fact that I’m with her.”
He shuddered like I’d slapped him.
“You said it yourself, the Hanes name is poison. I don’t want her near it.”
I spread my hands. “I don’t speak to my family but a few times a year…she won’t be affected by them. I promise you that. Still, at the end of the day, this is her life and she needs to live it.”
Peter slammed his hands down on his desk. “You can’t do this. She’ll change her mind. She needs wings, not someone who comes home every day with concrete on his clothes.”
“Why is it okay as her father to have this job, but not the man who wants to settle down with her?”
My boss scoffed. “You’d understand if you were a father.
Any parent wants their kid to have better.
I want her to be taken care of, swept away.
I want her to see the world. If she marries you, you’ll put a kid in her right away and she’ll be stuck here.
You’ll work some construction job, and she’ll resent you for the life you kept her from. ”
Done with hearing any more, I shoved off from the chair and backed up.
“If you do this…if you choose to take her with you for Christmas, you’re pulling your name from the bid officially, and, Colson, something tells me you’re going to want to have your name on that list after you realize who else has put theirs on it.”
Dipping my brows, I turned back toward him. “What does that mean?”
“I’m not showing all my cards, but I am telling you, once you realize what’s at stake, you’ll be calling me.”
I gave him one last look before walking out of his office.
Nora was ready to go when I got to her house, her two small suitcases were in her entryway as she ensured all her plants were well watered, her shades were shut, and her cupboard doors opened under the sink and in the bathroom, in case we had another bad freeze.
“All set?”
She beamed at me excitedly, wearing dark skinny jeans, a teal shirt that matched her eyes, and a pair of high heels.
“Yeah, just let me make sure my truck is locked up.”
As she grabbed her key fob, I gripped the handle to one of her suitcases, ready to haul it out, but guilt got the best of me.
“I just saw your dad…” I waited for her to turn toward me, see my expression, and realize something was wrong.
But she didn’t speak up or interrupt me.
“He mentioned that they decided to stay home for Christmas…to be with you.”
She grabbed her coat from the hook by the door and shoved her arms through.
“Huh… well, they never said anything to me.”
Shifting on my feet uncomfortably, I asked the one thing I didn’t want the answer to…because if she turned me down and I didn’t get to have her for Christmas, it would kill me.
“Well, I don’t feel right taking you from them if they—”
She stepped up to me, smoothing her hands along my jaw.
“Colson, my parents wanted to show me what it was like not to have them…I hope they have a great Christmas, but I’m going with you…that is, if you still want me.”
Breathing a little easier, I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her tight.
“Of course, I want you.”
“Good, then let’s catch our flight.” She smiled and dipped to grab one of her suitcases.
On the plane, I checked my phone before switching it to Airplane Mode, and realized I had another email.
Dear Cole,
I heard you’re bringing someone with you this year…I guess I don’t know how to feel about that. Maybe excited…but please understand that I need to talk to you when you get here. It’s really important. More important than pissing him off.
Again, I hated that she didn’t sign it.
It always made me feel like she was trying to remind me of who I had made her out to be in my life.
No one.
Nora’s hand closed over mine. I rested my head against the seat and closed my eyes.
This was probably going to be a shitshow, but at least for the first time in my life, I didn’t have to face it alone.