Chapter 22 Nora
NORA
Colson wasn’t in our room when I went up.
As badly as I wanted to make sure he was okay, I knew he needed space.
So, I showered, washing away all signs of our time together from earlier, then I pulled back the sheets and crawled into bed. I stared at the ceiling, trying to process everything I had heard tonight.
Poor Colson, to have your mother ripped away from you like that and then to have to call the person somewhat responsible for it your stepmom, would be so difficult.
While I had no idea what he’d gone through, or who Haley really was…she didn’t seem like she deserved to be treated the way he had treated her.
I desperately wanted to call Rae and ask for her advice on how to handle this, or what to say. I had never seen Colson angry like that. It reminded me of how earlier he’d mentioned that he became an asshole when his mom was brought up…and how I told him I wouldn’t be scared off if he was.
Pulling my cell out, I brought up his number and shot him a text.
Please just tell me you’re safe…
The text bubbles moved like he was going to respond, then they stopped…until a few seconds later.
I’m safe
I hesitated, not wanting to push him, but needing him to know that I was here.
Are you close?
Colson: …
I smirked at the airdrop location of the house that he sent through.
Where?
Colson: The guest room of propriety…reserved to keep your honor intact.
I smiled at the phone.
My honor was ruined a long time ago
Colson: Ouch…please don’t make this night any worse by talking about your exes.
None of them ever put my honor in question, you’re the only one I let do dirty things to me.
Colson: …
Did you shower?
Yes
Colson: …
Are you mad at me?
Colson: Please don’t ever question that. I’m not mad at you, Nora. I could never be mad at you. I’m ashamed of myself. I hate that you had to see that tonight. It’s fucking embarrassing.
Come here. Please.
Colson: I think I should be alone for a while.
I made you a promise earlier…you can’t scare me away.
Colson: Not even if I treat you like I did earlier tonight?
Not even then…also I liked it earlier, so please repeat it again sometime. Just not tonight, I already showered.
Colson: …
I watched his dots appear and stop, only to reappear again, until finally I heard the door open. In the darkness, I heard him lock the latch and then move to the edge of the bed.
“I don’t deserve you.”
Leaning up on my elbows, I tried to make out his features.
“Does anyone really deserve anyone? We’re all a mess.”
He moved, pulling his shirt off, pushing his slacks down, and then crawled in next to me. The second I felt his arms come around me, my heart seemed to settle.
His breathing hitched as he tucked me under his chin, and I ran my fingers over his rib cage.
“I know you have questions,” he whispered, running his hands up and down the length of my back.
I considered that, unsure of which one was burning in my head at the moment.
“Why are you so mean to your sister? She seems to really care about you.”
Twirling a lock of hair around his finger, he exhaled heavily.
“I can’t seem to get past what she represents in my life…
Sherrie had been my dad’s secretary for a long time, all of us can remember back when she was just out of college, perky, young and eager to help her boss.
Mom was having a few challenges then…she had Nate and Brock so close together that her postpartum depression is where everything started.
She had pills at first, but Dad realized she needed more acute help. ”
I hated that I didn’t know this about him. I’d been walking around in the dark with Colson leading the way, only to finally have him flick the lights and show me how much carnage he had in his life.
“So, she admitted herself?”
Colson nodded against my head. “I found out when I was older that if she checked herself in, then she could check herself out. But if she had an incident where the hospital had to be involved with any lifesaving maneuvers, then she wouldn’t be released back to us until they believed she wouldn’t be a harm to herself or others… Her first attempt was pills.”
I held my breath, trying not to crumble as he explained. I had never dealt with anything remotely close to this…it made me feel ill-equipped and young.
“That was when she needed longer visits. I used to write to her all the time. Our maid would go back and forth, exchanging our notes…and in every one she would talk about her garden…that place used to be our spot. We’d go in it every time she felt sad. We’d even sleep out there sometimes.”
“So, she must have gotten better for a while, right, because there’s Trevor…and he’s what, seventeen?”
“Yeah, she did. She was better for a while. She’d only go in sometimes for a week, then home for a few months.
When she got pregnant with Trevor, she’d already had so many visits.
Sherrie had been around at that time so when she got pregnant, we were all happy for her.
We even met her baby…we just always assumed she had a boyfriend or a husband.
We never realized it was our dad, or that the baby was our sister. ”
That would have been so hard to adjust to losing a mother and then having to accept that you have a new sibling and stepparent.
“How old was Haley when she was finally introduced as your sister?”
“She was six. Trevor had just turned three.”
“For six years, your dad kept her from you guys?” My voice was high, my tone incredulous because… how unfair.
“Dad said he tried to do the right thing, knowing if he told us, then we’d tell Mom, and he knew Mom couldn’t handle it. The longer my mom stayed in there, the more I agreed with him. I even told him he could file for divorce papers, as long as he didn’t explain about Sherrie or Haley.”
“But he didn’t.” I guessed.
“It was like he suddenly had the key to hurt me. I was only fourteen years old at the time, and we’d been arguing a lot.
He wanted me to go to some school in Europe, I didn’t want to.
I begged him not to tell her, but he did it anyway.
The next thing I knew, we were being told she had found a way to—”
His voice broke, and I didn’t want to hear any more.
I turned in his arms, wrapping my arms around him as he pushed his face into the crook of my neck.
“He took the only thing that was just mine.”
Connecting the dots, I finally understood.
“Which is why you left and moved to Macon.”
“I moved back to Macon…” he said, voice cracking and breaking.
“It was our winter home, but I moved to Macon and attended high school there after Mom passed. Dad allowed it, as long as I kept my grades up, but it only lasted two years. Then he had me back in California. Which I guess was still better than Europe, except California reminded me of Mom.”
“This was her home.” I guessed out loud. Colson nodded against my head.
“It made me want to reject the one thing he wanted me to accept…”
Kissing his brow, I answered. “Haley?”
He nodded, kissing my shoulder.
“I know it’s not her fault. She just represents them…and I hate them.”
I’d tackle that issue tomorrow, but in the darkness of the room I let myself break with the man I’d fallen in love with, not even realizing all this time he had a darkness ebbing at the fringes of his life, and it made me want to dig into his heart deeper, find some place that I could thrive.
Because darkness or not, Colson Hanes was mine now, and I wasn’t letting him go.