Prologue
Haley
Istared at the silver flecks clinging to my fingers.
Mom warned me that the glitter would get everywhere, and as I clung to the edge of the kitchen table, I realized she was right.
It was everywhere—all over the shimmery tablecloth, gleaming on the edges of the wooden chairs, and yep, there was even a little on the carpet.
Mom was going to kill me. That was, of course, if she didn’t first disown me for being a total loser.
My party started at two. It was already half past and not a single friend had shown up.
I knew Pricilla James was having a party this weekend too, but hers was supposed to be tomorrow.
Mine wasn’t even going to be a big event…
we were going to play in the pool, watch a scary movie in the theater room, and stuff our faces with junk food.
Tillie helped me plan out everything and was the brains behind the glitter covering the table. She said glitter was in…that it would be cute and make my party pop.
The three-tier cake had edible glitter frosting, with thirteen tall candles already placed strategically along the surface, so as not to interrupt the large Happy Birthday wax piece that was covered in glitzy paint.
My mother hardly approved, and I knew the only reason she wasn’t saying anything now was because she was expecting an audience.
I didn’t want her to come in here and see me sitting alone, but there was nowhere to go.
I was frozen to my seat, staring at the clock, hoping my friends were all just running late.
The sound of my mother’s expensive shoes echoed along the hardwood.
She sauntered in with her hair in a low twist, her lips painted red, and a tight black blouse.
Her mouth turned down, angrily as she walked closer, and all I could ever remember of her in this house was that expression.
She hated this house, always had, probably because it belonged to my dad’s first wife.
Dad had once fought with my mother over moving, saying he needed a familiar place for his sons.
He never mentioned what I might need. He never really looked at me much, unless it was to discuss a trip, lessons, or something business related.
Once in a while I could get him to hug me, but it was just never for very long.
Never too many hugs, no compliments of any kind, and never too much attention.
Especially if one of my brothers were around.
“Haley, where are your guests?” Mother trilled from the arch of the hallway.
My palms were sweaty, and my stomach tied itself into knots as I glanced at the clock once more. Thirty after…and not a single friend had shown.
“Let me text Tillie and see,” I mumbled, but my mother clicked her tongue loud enough to stop me.
“Tillie’s mother already called and said she was going out of town this weekend.”
My stomach dropped.
No, she wouldn’t do that. Furrowing my brows, I dug my cell out of my back pocket and pulled up Snapchat, about ready to message her when her most recent story caught my attention.
Pressing my thumb onto the image, a video played, showing my three best friends dancing together at a birthday celebration. Pricilla had moved her party, and no one told me.
A sickening feeling began to expand in my stomach as tears rushed to my eyes. I didn’t like to cry in front of my mother; she would always chide me and tell me to grow a backbone. It always hurt, but I knew it would devastate me if she said it right now.
Pressing my fingers to the screen, I pulled up my group text with the girls and saw there were no new messages. Then went to my private messages with Tillie.
Nothing.
No warning, no apology…absolutely no explanation as to why my three best friends had blown me off.
“What about the other kids in your school?” Mother asked, impatiently.
She assumed because I was a Hanes that I was popular.
I wasn’t.
I had three friends, and every single one of them had just bailed on me without saying a word, which meant I never really had them at all.
I wasn’t even sure what to say to get her off my back, or how to fix this.
No one was coming, but if I told her, she’d throw a fit.
She’d cry, go find a drink, and mix it with happy pills, all because her daughter isn’t the popular girl in school.
It would be one more thing she could blame me for.
It wasn’t enough that I ruined her life by existing, or that I ruined my brother’s lives by moving in.
My oldest brother, Colson, hated me more than the others.
My other siblings, Brock, Nathan, and Trevor treated me more like a houseplant that could occasionally pop in Bagel Bites if they were hungry.
But not Colson. He wouldn’t even acknowledge my existence after my dad broke the news that I wasn’t just his secretary’s daughter, but also his daughter… his dirty secret.
I was an unwanted reality that haunted them by walking these hallways and breathing the same air as them.
No one in the family tried to hide it. My mother used me as a weapon to hurt my father or brothers.
My father ignored me, mostly, and my brothers…
their hatred was as tangible as the waves crashing below our house.
I looked up to say something to my mom, but she was already gone, striding back into the kitchen.
Now was my chance to bail before she caught me.
I was about to scoot back and dismiss myself from the table, in hopes of sneaking back to my room and forgetting all about turning thirteen, when there was a soft commotion coming from the back patio.
Colson was coming in. His golden hair was all shoved to the side and wet, so he had probably been out surfing.
He was eight years older than me and away at college, he was rarely ever home.
But when he was, I always tried to get his attention, even if it did hurt to have it.
It was like wanting the sun even knowing it would cause a burn.
I sat as still as a stone as my heart pinged in my chest. He had a friend with him, and they were muttering and laughing as they walked through the house.
I knew if he was ever going to see me, now would be it. I was finally a teenager. Maybe he’d finally realize I wasn’t just a baby anymore. I was a person. I was his sister.
My party decor was all over the dining room, so there was no chance he’d walk past without seeing it. Or me.
But as he ventured closer to the gaping arch that led into the dining area, I heard his friend ask, “Who’s that?”
Colson lifted his head and stared right at me, no emotion…nothing.
“No one.”
The words echoed in my head as loud as thunder, sharper than the sting of lightning.
A single tear slid down my face as he jogged up the stairs and left me behind.
For some stupid reason, my heart had lifted the smallest bit when I saw him, thinking maybe my brother would take pity on me and call in our other siblings, and we’d all sit and eat cake.
We’d say forget them to everyone who bailed, and we’d have our own fun.
Part of me hoped, and that’s where I went wrong.
Hope was the gleam of sunlight, which most people thought was good, but caught in a magnifying glass it would catch shit on fire, and that’s exactly what it did to me on a regular basis.
A sob caught in my throat as loneliness tore my heart open with sharp talons then curled into a tight little ball, right there in my chest.
Mom was always talking about how I needed a backbone. Maybe she was right. Maybe I needed to toughen up, shove all the pain out. Get away from it.
Right as I thought it, Blaire, our house manager, hustled out of the kitchen.
“You’re still here?”
I hiccupped as the sob finally broke free from my chest.
“Oh, child. Come on.” She grabbed my hand and hurried me out of house, grabbing the top tier of the cake on her way.
Tears streamed so thick, I couldn’t see where she was leading me. It wasn’t until I smelled the lilac bushes that I realized we were in the garden. I wasn’t allowed in here. I didn’t know why, I just knew I wasn’t permitted to step foot in it, according to Colson and Dad.
“Hush now. It’s your birthday. You will make a wish and you will smile.”
Blaire dug in her apron and pulled a small box of matches free.
My knees pressed into the dirt as stalks of corn towered behind me on one side and purple flowers surrounded me on every other side. I could hear the waves crashing against the cliff below. The sky was crystal clear, a blue so bright that it made my eyes hurt.
“Here. Wish.”
Blaire gently cradled my jaw and directed my gaze down toward the candles now flickering against the sea breeze.
I shook my head as more tears rushed forward.
“It’s ruined.”
She hushed me. “No such thing.”
“Everyone forgot.” I choked on another sob.
She sat back, her knees bent like mine, both of us just resting in the soft dirt of this sacred garden.
“Did I?”
No, Blaire hadn’t. None of the staff had forgotten. A few of them had even slipped me a few gifts and smiles.
“Make a wish, my girl, and if I were you, I’d wish for patience.”
“Why?” I shifted in the dirt, running my finger up the stalk of a lilac bush.
Blaire smiled sweetly, her southern accent still heavy on her tongue as she clicked it.
“Because you’re a knife, my girl. Born to shape, divide, and prune.
You’re a gift to this family, and while you can’t see it, one day they’ll need you.
He will need you.” She shifted her gaze around the garden, her face softening.
This was Colson’s special place, so I assumed she was talking about him.
“How do I wait for them to want me?” I swiped at my eyes, slicking away the mascara that had run from my lashes.
“Make a list, every single day, of all the good things you can think of. You make those lists until you feel your heart grow strong enough to love in the midst of pain. One day you’ll have your own family, and you’ll show them how powerful your love can be.
Some of them will need your love, and others will need your honesty.
You keep your eyes open, Haley Hanes. Watch and see.
You’ll hold all the power soon enough, and never forget—in all this wealth, the most powerful asset you will ever have is the power to forgive. ”
I closed my eyes, letting her words sink in, and blew out my candles.