Chapter 14 #2
A reality where I’m still standing by the sink and Ronan isn’t kissing me. Isn’t touching me. He’s just looking at me with obvious concern, which is understandable given that I just spaced out for however long while I had an erotic fantasy about him.
“Um.” My face goes hot. “I’m fine.”
His brow furrows. “Are you sure?” He touches my cheek. “You’re flushed. Are you feeling ill?” I can see the moment he switches into medic mode. “What are your symptoms? Are you lightheaded? Nauseous? Do you have a headache?”
He loops his arm around my waist and starts to lead me away from the sink.
“You should sit down. Actually, no. You should lie down. Try to get some rest. I’ll grab the thermometer, see if you’re running a fever.
Stress can do a real number on your immune system.
And Haley mentioned that a lot of kids at school are sick.
Maybe she brought something home, and you picked it up. ”
“I’m not sick.” Digging in my heels, I stop us halfway across the room. “I feel fine. Really.”
Ronan looks at me skeptically. “You can tell me if you’re not feeling well.”
“I know I can. But I’m not. Feeling sick, I mean.”
“Then what is it?” Before I can respond, he continues, “Is it Haley? Because she’s okay. Better than okay, really.”
At the mention of Haley, guilt jabs at me. What kind of mother am I, thinking about all the sexy things I want to do with Ronan when my daughter could be in danger?
“Better than okay?” I ask.
“Yes.” Ronan smiles. “I just got off the phone with Alec. That’s why I was coming in here. To tell you. He said everything looks good outside the school. And he just spoke with the school resource officer—Kady Dawson, you know her, right?”
I nod. “Yeah. She’s really nice. The kids all love her.”
“Well, Kady has been sticking close to Haley’s wing of the school. And she’s been checking on Haley’s classroom all morning. She said Haley’s doing great. Apparently, Haley was chosen to be the official caretaker for the classroom pets this week. It’s a big deal, from what I understand.”
Even though I knew Haley was okay, hearing it from Ronan brings a tremendous flood of relief. My legs go a little weak from it, and I reach for the counter to steady myself. “Oh, good.” I release a sigh. “I was worried. I know you said it was fine…”
Regret clouds his features. “But you don’t trust me yet.”
“No.” My heart twinges at his expression. “It’s not that. I do trust you with Haley. You and your teammates. It’s just… sometimes your brain knows something, logically, but it’s still hard to fully believe it.”
Understanding fills his gaze. “Of course. I get it. But I promise you, nothing’s going to happen to Haley.” He looks at me for a second. “Do you want me to go over to the school? I wanted to stay here with you, but if you’d feel better with me there, I can always bring you over to GMG.”
He quickly adds, “Not that I don’t think it’s safe here. It is. But I wouldn’t leave you alone. I don’t care where you are.”
The way he says it so fiercely makes my heart flutter.
It’s more proof that he cares about me.
More proof that he’d do anything to protect me.
And it’s proof that I’m doing the right thing by forgiving him.
“You don’t have to go over there,” I tell him. “I trust Alec and Knox. And Officer Dawson and all the staff at the school.”
“Okay.” Ronan touches my hand. “But if you change your mind…”
“I was thinking about the island,” I blurt.
“The island?” Ronan looks confused. “What island? Do you want to take a trip? Or—” His forehead pinches.
“Do you want me to find an island for us to stay at? I know there are some out in the Finger Lakes. And off the coast of Maine, there are a bunch. I’m pretty sure there are some that we could rent in the Adirondacks—”
I have a moment’s thought of backtracking. But then I think, why? I’m an adult. With desires. Needs. And despite the blip in our relationship, Ronan is my boyfriend. “No, not that kind of island.”
“Okay…” He glances at the kitchen island. “So I’m assuming you mean this one?”
“Yes.”
He eyeballs it. “Is it dirty?”
“No. I cleaned it.” I give the top of the island a pointed look. “I was thinking about things… we could do with it.”
“Do with it?” I can tell the second he realizes. His voice dips. “Oh.”
A flutter of anxiety hits my stomach. “Is it wrong? To think about that? With everything else going on?”
“No.” Ronan takes both my hands in his. His expression softens. “It’s not wrong, cupcake. You’re allowed to think about whatever you want.”
“Cupcake?”
He actually blushes. “I didn’t mean to say it out loud. I just think it sometimes. Since you always smell like—”
“Cupcakes. You think I smell like cupcakes.”
“You do.” Ronan takes a step closer to me. “I can’t walk past a bakery without thinking about you.” He pauses. “If you don’t like it, though, I won’t say it again.”
I turn the nickname over in my head, considering. “I like it. It’s cute.”
“Okay.” He smiles. “Good.” As he keeps looking at me, his gaze heats. “So. The island?”
“Are you sure it’s not bad to be thinking about this?” I press. “It’s not that I’m not worrying. Or thinking about all the other stuff. It just popped into my head. And… maybe I’ve thought about it before, too.”
“Angel.” Ronan kisses me gently on the lips. “It is absolutely not bad. We all do it. We need to. Otherwise, the worries would overwhelm us. And.” He kisses me again. “You don’t have anything to worry about. So there’s that.”
“I don’t?”
“No. You don’t. Haley is better than fine.
And in less than four hours, she’ll be home, so you can see for yourself.
My team is investigating. Sage and Patrick are on it.
And until this all gets cleared up, which it will, you’re safe.
” His lips tip up at one corner. “Tonight, we’ll order pizza and play a game with Haley and after she goes to bed, we can watch TV and I’ll give you a massage to help you relax.
So it’s all fine. And you can think about whatever you want. ”
Oh.
After spending the last five years worrying about everything on my own, I’m not used to someone supporting me through it. But it’s nice.
Better than nice.
“I was thinking about what you might do to me on the island,” I admit.
His gaze heats. “What would I do to you?”
“Um.” Having the fantasy in my head is one thing. But putting voice to it…
“You can tell me.” Ronan’s voice goes low and rough. “I’d like to know. And if you tell me, I could do it for real.” Uncertainty flickers in his eyes. “Unless you’d rather not. That’s okay, too.”
But I do want it. I want to bring my fantasy to life. I want to feel something other than fear and worry for a change.
“First,” I start, “you kissed me. Right by the sink.”
Ronan pulls me into his arms and leads me over to the sink. “How did I kiss you?”
The desire in his eyes makes my breath catch.
“Not gentle,” I tell him. “You kissed me like you…”
He bends his head towards mine. “Like I was what?”
“Like you were starving,” I blurt. “And I was the only thing that could satisfy you.”
“Ah.” His lips come within a whisper of mine. “I can understand the feeling.” Then his mouth descends on mine.
And it’s better than in my fantasy.
The desire surging through me isn’t just a fire, but an inferno.
Ronan makes love to my mouth.
His fingers tunnel through my hair as he tips my head back and kisses me harder.
He kisses me as if he’s ravenous. As if he’s desperate to get more of me.
“Then what?” he murmurs when he finally breaks the kiss. “What did I do next?”
“You brought me over to the island. And you set me on top of it.”
His gaze burns into mine. “Okay.” Holding me close, he backs me up to the island. Then he lifts me like I weigh nothing and sets me on top of it. “And then?”
My chest squeezes. “You spread my legs and moved between them. Then you laid me back—”
I gasp as his hands come to my upper thighs. The heat of them sears through my jeans. My stomach quivers. Once he’s between my legs, he carefully pushes me back, in an almost perfect replica of my fantasy.
His hand rests low on my stomach as he looks down at me. From this angle, Ronan looks even taller than usual. Broader. More powerful. I feel tiny in comparison, and I like it. It makes me feel protected.
“Now what?” he asks.
“You put your hand here.” I place my hand between my breasts. “And then you moved it down…”
“Like this?” My heart almost leaps out of my chest when he touches it. My nipples are so hard they’re clearly visible through my shirt. My core is aching, convulsing around nothing. And he’s barely even touched me yet.
“Yes,” I whisper.
“And then…” He drags his hand down my torso until it reaches the apex of my thighs. “Did I do this?”
I nod. “Yes.”
A quick glance below his waist shows his erection straining at his jeans. “What did I do next?” he asks.
“I… don’t know. That’s when you said my name and asked if I was okay.”
“I see.” Ronan’s gaze rakes across my body. His eyes flare with appreciation. “You look so fucking gorgeous. Laid out like this—” He lifts the hem of my shirt enough to reveal a few inches of stomach. “Fuck. You’re so damn gorgeous.”
My stomach muscles quiver beneath his hand. “You look really handsome, too.”
He stares at me for a second. “Do you want to tell me what to do next? Or would you like me to choose?”
“You,” I say breathlessly. “I want to know what you want.”
“What I want?” His voice dips to a low growl. “Oh, cupcake. I want lots of things with you. But.”
His hands come to my waistband. “I’m going to take these off,” he says. “Is that okay?”
As if I could say no when my body is desperate for him? As if I want to? “Yes. It’s okay.”
“Good.” He quickly unfastens my jeans and strips them off, leaving me in only a pair of plain black panties that are already damp from excitement. “Is this because of me?” Ronan asks. His finger comes to the edge of my panties and moves them aside.
I nod. “Yes.”