Chapter 12 #2
But Clara has no reason to lie to me. Especially about something like this.
I don’t know her that well, besides seeing her at a few of Barrett’s family functions over the years.
Clara and my ex are cousins on his mom’s side, but from what I could tell, there wasn’t much love lost between them.
Something about Barrett being a terror to her when they were growing up.
That should have been another red flag. Like so many other things.
“That was Barrett’s cousin, Clara, on the phone,” I tell the room.
“She wanted me to know that Barrett’s been bragging about having me blackballed in the finance community.
From Calgary to Vancouver and everywhere in between, it seems. He has so many connections, and it turns out he wasn’t afraid to use them. ”
“What?” Tessa jumps up from her chair. “He can’t do that.”
“He can.” I nod. “And it seems like he did.” I keep my eyes off Luke.
All at once, it hits me. I can’t get a job. I’m going to have to move to the other side of the country.
“Lilly?” Tessa’s at my side, her arm around my shoulder. I blink and try to breathe through the panic that’s overtaken my body. “Come on.” Tessa starts to lead me from the room. “The guys can clean up in here. I think you should sit down.”
I want to protest and insist on finishing dinner, but the words won’t come. I feel like I’m underwater or moving through quicksand, and I can’t feel my feet at all as Tessa leads me to the couch and we sit down gently.
“It’s going to be okay.” She takes my hands in hers and squeezes until I look up. I blink a few times, and finally, I focus on my friend.
“But…how? I can’t get a job, and I don’t want to move to the other side of the country. I mean, I could probably find something in a small center, but I really wanted to work with a top firm.”
Tessa’s lips curl into a small smile. “You are working with a top firm,” she reminds me. “My dad is the best at what he does.”
She’s not wrong. He is the best. In the short time I’ve been working for Luke, I can see how talented he is at managing money.
And it really is a talent. It’s more than understanding the market and being able to move on trends.
It’s about just knowing and being able to manage your clients and their expectations just as well.
Luke can do that. He has an impressive track record, and—it doesn’t matter.
I shake my head.
“Hear me out,” Tessa says. “He is the best, and you’re already here.” She talks quickly, not giving me a chance to object. “Besides, he was just saying how good you are and how much you’ve helped him in such a short time.”
“That’s different,” I say quickly. “This is just a temporary thing. We agreed?—”
“Maybe you could agree to something different,” she cuts in softly. “Sometimes life has a way of showing you what you need. And it’s rarely what you planned in the first place.”
She looks so certain, for a moment, I envy her. Tessa does have it all figured out. She’s writing and following her dream, engaged to a man who worships her, with a baby on the way.
But I’m not Tessa.
This thing with Luke isn’t real. It’s not like what she has with Holt. Not even close. Not even if more than once lately, I find myself wishing it were.
Reluctantly, I shake my head. “I wish it were that easy.”
“Think about it.” She gives me a little shrug. “I mean, why rush out of something that’s already working so well?”
It is working well. On so many levels.
Before I can let myself go down that particular train of thought, Tessa speaks up again. “Besides,” she says, a little lighter now, something knowing flashing in her eyes, “it’s not like it’s just about the job, is it?”
My breath catches, and I swear my heart stops beating for a moment.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
She smiles. Not teasing, not pushing, just…watching.
“‘I don’t,” I insist. “I mean…Sure, I like the mountain more than I thought I would, but I don’t think that’s a real reason to stay and?—”
“I’m not talking about the mountain,” she stops me. Her expression shifts, and that’s when I know she knows.
I don’t know what exactly she knows, but I can make a pretty damn good guess.
“I haven’t seen my dad look at anyone the way he looks at you,” she says quietly. “Not even my mom.”
Heat floods my chest, my stomach twisting in a way that has nothing to do with panic anymore and a whole lot more to do with the reality of what that means.
“It doesn’t mean anything,” I say more to convince myself than my friend. “It’s just that we spend so much time together,” I add, quickly. “It’s nothing.”
“Maybe,” she says with a little shrug, glancing back to the kitchen before looking at me again. “Or maybe it is.”
Luke
I have to hold myself back from following Lilly out into the living room and—what? Consoling her? Offering to beat up her ex? Holding her in my arms and telling her it will be okay? Kissing away the concern and distracting her until she’s not upset anymore?
Yes.
Those are all the things I want to do.
But there’s no way I can go out there and show everyone that we’re more than just a boss and assistant. We’re…well, I don’t know what the fuck we are. But I sure as hell know it’s not simple anymore.
So, instead, I force myself to focus on cleaning up the dinner dishes.
Holt doesn't say anything right away. But I hardly notice, I’m so wrapped up in my concern for Lilly.
It’s not until we have a stack of dishes on the counter, the water running into the sink, that he finally says, “You’re not subtle, man.”
I don’t look at him, pushing a plate beneath the spray. “There’s nothing to be subtle about.”
“Right.”
I swipe at the plate with a cloth, continuing to ignore him.
“She could stay, you know,” he says after a beat. “Looks like it’s all working out pretty well. There doesn’t seem to be a reason for her to?—”
“No.”
The word comes out sharper than intended, but I don’t bother to apologize.
“You have a good reason why not?” He asks after a moment.
“Yup.”
“Care to share?”
“For one, this was only ever a temporary arrangement.” I turn and grab another plate off the stack. “We agreed on one month.”
“Fuck agreements.”
“For two,” I continue, ignoring him. “I don’t need an assistant.”
“I think she’s proven that's not true.” Holt’s trying not to laugh, and it’s pissing me off.
“And, for three,” I add, gritting my teeth.
“I don’t want her here.” As soon as the words are out of my mouth, we both know they’re a lie.
“I don’t share my space, Holt. Not with anyone.
I’m not bringing anyone into my life. Not for any reason.
Not again.” I shake my head, reminding myself exactly why I chose all those years ago to lock myself down.
I almost ruined Cheryl with my…well, with the man I’d become.
I won’t do it again. Not for anyone. Not for any reason.
Holt’s voice is calm and even when he responds. “That’s not what this is.”
“That’s exactly what this is,” I snap. “You let someone in, let them get comfortable and start relying on you, and the next thing you know… no.” I take a deep breath, centering myself. “I’m not going to do that to her. I can’t.”
“That was a long time ago, Luke.”
“It doesn’t change anything.”
“It should.”
I shake my head, my jaw tense. “I’m not built for forever. I never have been.”
My old friend is quiet for a moment as he examines me. After a moment, he blows out a breath. “It doesn’t have to be like that, Luke. Not anymore.”
“You’re wrong.”
“Am I?” He moves his hand around the room, as if to encompass everything he has. Everything that’s different from what he ever expected it to be. He studies me for another second and just nods again. “Right, that’s what I thought.”