Chapter 12
Chapter Twelve
Tessa
“The roads are clear.”
Holt says it casually, trying to keep his voice light, but I can see the tension in the way he holds his shoulders.
“Mmm.” I pop another apple slice in my mouth and hop up to sit on the counter, swinging my legs.
He looks over his shoulder at me. “That’s it?”
“What would you like me to say?” I pause with an apple halfway to my lips. “Is this a good thing?”
He looks at me carefully but frustratingly doesn’t answer the question.
For the last few days, we’ve fallen into a rhythm together. It’s been…easy. And nice. Lazy mornings tangled in the sheets. Afternoons with Holt in his shop, me curled up on the couch writing. My journaling slowly giving way to my own thoughts and feelings, becoming a story of sorts.
It’s been years since I wrote anything for myself, not beyond the journal entries that kept me sane. Too many years of papers and projects at college dulled my love for writing. But being here in this cabin with Holt was inspiring in a way I never could have expected.
Our evenings were spent cooking together. Or more specifically, Holt cooked while I distracted him in the best possible ways. More often than not, dinner grew cold—or burnt—while we lost ourselves in each other. It was a hunger I was quickly learning would not be easily satisfied.
I hadn’t given much thought to the roads opening, my dad coming home, or what was going to happen next.
None of that seemed important.
Not compared to the way Holt’s mouth curves into a small smile when he thinks I’m not looking. The way he reaches for me in his sleep without even waking up.
In the short time I’ve known him, I feel like I’ve seen a complete transformation in him. The tension he used to carry in his shoulders has melted away. The permanent scowl on his face has softened, too.
But it’s not just him.
This man. This cabin. This mountain. It’s making me feel more like myself than I have in years. Maybe ever.
“You talked to him today?” Holt asks lightly, pulling me back into the moment and out of my thoughts.
“My dad?”
He nods.
“This morning.” I smile a little and reach for another apple slice. “This satellite phone system you guys have up here is pretty solid.”
Holt nods. “Thanks to your dad.”
Right. My dad and the work that always took priority for him. So much so that he installed a state-of-the-art communication system on a remote mountain in the middle of nowhere.
Never mind the fact that his work meant I barely saw him growing up. Maybe it’s a wound that should have long since healed, but it still stings.
Noticing the slightest dip in my mood, Holt slips his hand onto my thigh and squeezes just enough for me to look up at him. He winks, and I smile.
“He’s probably on his way back then?” he asks after a moment.
I nod. “He said tomorrow afternoon.”
Holt’s eyes close briefly before he moves to grab plates from the cupboard.
I slide off the counter and follow behind him, leaning my hip against the wall. “You nervous?”
He glances over at me. “About what?”
I can’t help it; I laugh a little. “Oh, I don’t know.” I gesture vaguely between us. “This. Us. You know…”
“Right.” His jaw tightens for a second before relaxing again. “Luke’s my best friend.”
“I know that.”
“He trusts me.”
“I know that, too.”
The words hang between us, but neither of us says what that actually means. My dad trusted him…with me. And now…
“We’re not telling him,” I say after a moment, turning to grab another apple slice just to give me something to do so I don’t have to look at him when he inevitably agrees.
“No.” He doesn’t hesitate, and I flinch at the word. Not that I expected anything different.
Not really.
Still, I hoped maybe…
I school my features and turn around with what I hope is a teasing smile on my face. “You ashamed of me or something?”
“No.” He doesn’t crack a smile. “But it would…it would complicate things,” he finishes.
That’s one way to put it, I think, but don’t say.
“I just don’t think Luke needs to know everything.”
“He’d lose his mind.”
Holt nods in agreement. For a moment, we both picture it. It would destroy Dad. And his friendship with Holt. And for what?
This thing between us, it’s not—
I blow out a breath.
It’s not anything.
At least not anything either of us is brave enough to name.
Holt steps close enough that I can feel the heat of him at my back. His hands settle on my hips automatically, just the way they always do now. Like they belong there.
Like I belong here with him.
“It doesn’t change what this is,” he says quietly.
I swallow, almost afraid to ask. Almost. “And what’s that?”
His grip tightens a little on my hips, but just for a moment. “It’s good,” he says simply. “It’s been good.”
Been.
The word shouldn’t sting, but it does.
I turn so I’m facing him and give him a small smile. “Yeah,” I say. “It has.”
He stares into my eyes, holding my gaze. “Luke doesn’t need to know,” he repeats as if it’s the most important part of all this.
Not the connection between the two of us.
Not the way I feel safe and protected with him.
Not that he enjoyed having me here.
Not that maybe he could choose me.
Just that it would complicate things.
That’s the part that’s important to him.
I nod because it’s the only thing I trust myself to do.
He kisses me slowly, and I have to blink back the sting of tears before I kiss him back.
Because for now, maybe forever, no matter how badly I might have wanted more, this is what we have.