Chapter 16
Chapter Sixteen
Holt
The axe comes down clean, splitting the log in half. The crack echoes through the woods.
It’s the only thing that’s helped recently. The only thing I can focus on long enough to push thoughts of Tessa from my head.
Split. Stack. Repeat.
As long as it takes.
The pile along the walls of the woodshed is higher than it’s ever been. Higher than needed, and it’s not even fall yet. I’m not only set for the winter, but probably the one after that, too.
The burn in my muscles and the ache it leaves behind help me forget for a few minutes.
I reset another log and lift the axe again.
Moments before I bring the axe down, I hear the slow roll of tires over gravel announcing a visitor.
For a brief moment, my heart leaps in my chest, hoping it’s Tessa. A hope I quickly push down, because I may be a grumpy asshole, but I’m a realistic grumpy asshole.
I finish my swing, bringing the axe down harder than necessary, before I straighten and turn toward the drive.
Luke’s truck.
I’m not surprised.
I lean the axe against the stump and watch as Luke kills the engine but doesn’t get out of the truck right away. He just sits there for a second, staring straight ahead.
I wipe my forearm across my brow before he finally steps out.
“You plan on ever answering your phone again, man?”
I bend to pick up the wood I just split. “Been busy.”
“Doing what?” He joins me by the woodshed. “Starting a lumber empire?”
I ignore the sarcasm. “You need help with those trees? Just let me know when.”
“I would,” he says. “If you answered your phone.” His voice stays even, but there’s an edge underneath it. “Every call goes to voicemail.”
I stack the logs neatly on top of the pile. “I didn’t think we needed to chat about it,” I say. “Just tell me when. You know I’ll be there.”
Luke huffs out a short breath that might have been a laugh on a different day. He steps closer, his arms crossed tightly over his chest. “What’s going on?”
I stack more wood. “What are you talking about?”
“You’ve got enough wood here to heat three houses this winter, and it’s only May.”
“Just getting ahead of things.”
He watches me for a second longer than necessary before he says, “I got a few of the guys organized. We’re going to fell those dead trees this weekend. You in?”
“Yeah.” I don’t turn and look at him, just pick up more wood.
“Yeah? That’s it?”
I straighten after a moment, slowly this time, resting my hands on my hips. “What do you want from me, Luke?”
He studies my face for a second, and I know he sees something there.
This man knows me better than anyone—almost anyone.
Luke had my back through every dangerous mission overseas.
He knew how to read even the slightest change in my facial expression to know what our next move would be.
I should know better than to think I can hide anything from him.
“You’ve been off.”
“I’ve been busy.”
“With what?”
The silence between us stretches.
With missing your daughter. I swallow back the response that’s on the tip of my tongue.
Instead, I shrug. “Work.”
Luke nods once, but we both know he’s not buying it.
“She called yesterday,” he says casually.
The muscles in my back tighten, and before I can stop myself, I find myself responding. “Is that so?”
“She’s on the coast,” he says. “Says she likes it.”
“Good.” The word comes out rougher than intended.
“Is it?” My friend’s gaze sharpens. “Finishing school would have been good, too.”
“It wasn’t for her.” I bend to grab a few more pieces of wood. “She needed to get out and see the world,” I say without looking up. “Figure things out.”
“Did she?” There’s a warning held just beneath his words, but I don’t heed it.
“She’s not meant to be stuck up here,” I say, my voice low, still not looking at him. “She deserves more than this mountain.”
“Funny,” he says slowly. Again, the warning in his voice sounds louder now. “No one said anything about her staying on the mountain.”
I grunt but don’t turn around.
“Sounds like you’ve given this a lot of thought.” I feel him step up closer behind me. “Like you’ve given Tessa a lot of thought.”
My jaw flexes, and I turn to face my old friend.
“What happened while I was gone, Holt?” The question is quiet and controlled, like he already knows the answer.
“Nothing,” I lie.
Luke doesn’t blink.
He just stands there, watching me the way he used to when he knew I was about to do something reckless. Or like he’s about to push me to it.
I should walk away. End this before it goes too far.
“Sounds like she’s having fun,” he says, watching me carefully when he speaks. “Meeting new people,” he continues, baiting me. “It won’t be long before she meets some surfer kid or bartender who thinks she’s cute. She’ll get swept up in that for a bit before moving on. That’s what she does.”
The image hits before I can stop it. Some coastal asshole with his hands on her, touching her, kissing her—
“No,” I snap before I can stop myself.
“No, what?” Luke chuckles. “That’s what kids do.”
“She’s not a kid,” I growl. “She’s a woman.”
The words hang between us. Luke’s jaw tightens.
“I’m going to ask you one more time, Holt.” His voice is tight and clipped, the words forced out between gritted teeth. “What happened while I was gone?”
The realization that I’ve crossed a line I can never step back over hits hard, and we both know it.
“I told you,” I say, my voice not as steady as it should be. “Nothing.”
Luke’s eyes narrow. “You’ve never lied to me before.”
I shake my head once and double down. “I’m not lying.”
“You can’t even look at me, you son of a bitch.”
I drag a hand through my hair and finally meet his eyes. “Don’t look for something that isn’t there, Luke. You don’t want to do that.”
“What I want is the truth.”
“No.” I shake my head. “You don’t.”
“Look me in the eyes and tell me the truth, Holt.”
“I did.”
“Do it again,” he says simply. His voice doesn’t rise. It gets quieter.
That’s worse. I know him too well.
“Look me in the eyes and tell me there was nothing between you and my daughter.”
The air shifts.
For a second, I consider maintaining my lie. Telling him what he wants to hear until he believes it, because we both know he doesn’t want the truth. No matter how much he thinks he does, he doesn’t.
But I can’t get the image of some asshole surfer kid with his hand on my girl out of my head.
The idea of her letting some boy touch her after what we shared, only because I let her think I didn’t want her. That I wouldn’t fight for her. Or choose her over everything else.
Fuck that.
My jaw tightens. Luke sees it immediately.
“Did you touch her?”
I don’t answer fast enough. The truth must flash across my face, because fuck did I ever touch her.
His hand fists in my shirt before I can react, and he’s shoving me back against the stack of wood. I don’t raise my hands in defense.
“Did you touch my daughter, you piece of shit?”
“Yes.”
The word leaves my mouth before I can reconsider, because it doesn’t matter anymore.
His fist connects with my jaw hard enough to snap my head sideways. I taste blood immediately, but I still don’t raise my hands.
I don’t swing back.
I deserve this. And more.
“You son of—” he lands another punch. “I trusted you. You were supposed to be her safe place.”
“I was,” I fire back, spitting blood from my mouth. “You think I don’t know that?”
“You think sleeping with her is safe? Taking advantage of—”
“No. I—” I stop, breathing hard. “It wasn’t like that.”
“Then what was it like?” he demands, rage lining his features. But he’s not just angry. He’s hurt. And that cuts deeper than the punches did.
I wipe blood from the corner of my mouth and step toward him.
“I tried not to,” I say, my voice low. “You think I didn’t? I know what she means to you. I knew what it would mean.”
“Answer the question, Holt.”
“You really think I didn’t fight it?”
He shakes his head. “I don’t give a fuck. She’s just a—”
“I love her.”
The words settle between us. Luke doesn’t move. I don’t breathe.
“You don’t get to say that,” he says after a moment.
I look him straight in the eye. “I love her,” I say again. “I didn’t ask for it. Hell, I tried to fight it every step of the way. But there was no help for it. She calms me. I steady her. Together, we’re…” I shake my head. “It doesn’t matter.”
His expression shifts, anger mixing with something else. “You let her leave.”
“I forced her to,” I say. “She’s got her whole life ahead of her. I wasn’t going to stand in the way of what she wants just because having her here with me makes it easier to breathe. I wasn’t going to be the reason she gave up on her dreams. No matter what it costs me.”
Luke studies me for a long time, but I don’t look away. If he hates me forever now, I’ll deserve it. But the pain of losing my brother won’t come close to the hell I’m already in.
“You really love her?” he asks finally.
“Yes.” I nod. “With everything I have.”
He exhales slowly, looking past me toward the cabin and then back to me. “She hasn’t stopped talking about you,” he confesses. “Not once.”
My chest tightens.
“She even asked about you when she called the other day.”
I swallow hard. “She did?”
Luke doesn’t answer. Instead, he asks, “You think traveling was the right choice for her?”
“I thought so.”
“And now?”
I don’t hesitate. “Now I think I can’t breathe without her. Every day that passes without her feels like I’m suffocating. She brought me back to life. And if she feels even a fraction of what I’m feeling…”
The woods go quiet again.
“I was wrong,” I say, steady now. “I was wrong not to tell her how I feel. I was wrong not to give her the choice. I thought I was protecting her.”
Luke studies me for a long time.
“You don’t get to decide what’s best for her,” he says quietly, stepping closer. “That’s her call.”
I nod.
“You’re really going to stand here and tell me you love my daughter?”
Again, I nod. “I love her with everything I’ve got, and I won’t apologize for it.”
He blows out a breath, accepting it. “Then you better be man enough to go say it to her face.”
The words settle. For a moment, neither of us moves.
Then Luke claps me on my shoulder. It’s not hostile. But not entirely friendly either. “You break her heart,” he says with a shake of his head, “and I’ll finish what I started.”
A ghost of something, almost like a smile, touches his mouth. “And for fuck’s sake, Holt,” he says, stepping back toward his truck. “Stop chopping fucking wood and go fight for her already.”