Chapter 6 Rustin
rustin
I escape to the shed for the rest of the day. Kara doesn't follow me out and that’s a good thing. I need to think without her presence scrambling my brain. If I’m going to lose myself to her again, it’s going to be my own choice. I don’t want anyone else to blame.
So I take my time outside. I pace. I sit… and then I pace again. I light a fire in the pit beside my shed. But even the crackle of the flames against the white snow does nothing to clear my mind.
Kara has always been that woman for me. The one who lights me up. The one who makes me want to risk everything I’ve built for a single night with her. Hours tick by and my thoughts don’t slow.
The only thing I know for certain is that if I let down the wall between us, there won’t be any going back.
I pace the property line and chop more wood than I could use in an entire season.
It’s freezing, but I keep moving until I can’t feel the cold.
Truth is the generator's fine. The battery's fine.
The windows are fine… It's me that's malfunctioning.
The sun is setting by the time I step back into the cabin. Kara's built up the fire in the hearth on her own and is curled onto the couch with a book. It’s one of mine, a psychological thriller I'd left on the side table.
“Not exactly holiday reading.”
She looks up at me. “Thought you froze to death out there just to avoid me.” Then a smile tugs at the corner of her mouth. “Come on, I made us dinner.”
We move around each other like magnets with matching poles.
To her credit, Kara attempts to give me the space she promised and keeps our conversation surface level.
She’s so quiet I can hear the storm howling outside and I hate every minute of it.
It’s not natural to have her this close and keep my distance.
I set myself up for the conversation bubbling within me. But when dinner is cleaned up, Kara heads toward my bedroom.
"Goodnight Rustin, I’m going to head to bed early.”
Her words land right in the middle of the mess I've been trying to untangle all damn day. The part of me that wants to follow her, climb on top of her, and press her beautiful body into the mattress. But the part that’s terrified wins the day.
So I nod once, unable to speak, and watch her disappear down the hall.
The sound of her footsteps fades. They’re replaced by the storm's relentless hum outside. I stand there, staring at the flames licking up the log in the fireplace and trying to steady my breathing.
I've spent years mastering control over my work, my body, and my damn emotions. But the longer I stand here right now the less control I've got. Every breath feels too shallow. Every thought is too full of her.
It takes me an hour to get out of my own way and walk toward the bedroom. When I do, I hear a soft gasp followed by a low moan and it stops me in my tracks. I’ve heard those sounds before.
Or maybe it’s all in my head and I’ve really fucking lost it now.
I hold my breath and listen intently. My name slips from her lips all breathy and wanting. There’s no mistaking the sounds this time. My dick twitches in response. My hand taps three times on the door before I can stop myself and it opens a crack.
"Kara?"
"I'm fine.” There’s a slight panic in her voice and a flurry of movement beneath the quilt. “I think I was dreaming.”
I bite my lip. "You said my name.” I pause and the breath rushes out of me. "A few times.”
"Did I?" She whispers and a hint of mischief plays in her eyes. “Well maybe you should reconsider sleeping on the couch.”
"Kara." Her name is a groan and I already know I'm done fighting it.
I push open the door with my pulse pounding in my ears. She looks up at me all sleepy and filled with longing. Her cheeks are flushed with heat. Her hair falls loose around her shoulders. I move toward my bed. Kara doesn’t flinch. I reach her in two strides and she raises up to meet me.
“Rustin.” Her eyes shine with a mix of fear and want that hits me like a freight train.
Every last reason I shouldn't do this burns away. Her breath catches when I cup her face. My thumb brushes the corner of her mouth. She's warm and trembling. My heart thuds in my chest and every part of me comes to life again.
Our mouths collide and it’s a blur. Three years of longing and missed moments crackle between us. The regret and wanting crash together in a fit of grabbing and tugging. This isn't gentle. This is desperation and demand.
Kara is all I can see.
Her hands bury themselves in my hair as she pulls me closer.
My body presses hers back onto the bed. She kisses like she's drowning and I'm air.
When her tongue traces my bottom lip, I groan into her mouth, deepening the kiss until we're both gasping.
I devour her like I'm starving and she's sustenance.
"Missed this," she breathes against my mouth. "Missed you so much."
"Kara," I growl. My hands map her curves through my shirt. I’m lost in relearning, remembering, and reclaiming what’s mine. "You have no idea what you do to me."
She rolls her hips against mine. When she feels how hard I am, she makes a sound of pure satisfaction. "I know exactly what I’m doing to you.”
I pull back to look at her, breathing hard and Kara puts a hand on my chest. I lean back and take her with me. When I lift her, her breath breaks against my neck. She fits perfectly against me. When she has to tilt her head back to meet my eyes something primal in me loves it.
My fingers find her waist, sliding beneath the hem of her shirt, memorizing the heat of her skin. She inhales sharply, her lips parting when I drag my hand higher.
"Rustin..." she breathes, and my name on her tongue nearly undoes me.
I press my forehead to hers, trying to ground myself before I lose every ounce of control. "Tell me to stop," I whisper.
She shakes her head. "Don't you dare."
My shirt comes off her in a single motion and falls to the floor like kindling. My hands are calloused and too rough for something so soft. But I memorize her curves with my palms anyway.
Firelight dances across her waist, her hips, and the sweet dip of her cleavage. When my thumb grazes her nipple, she arches into me. There’s no air left in the room now, it’s all thick electricity.
I run my fingers along her thighs, spreading them apart. Then I kneel between them and drag my tongue up, stopping just shy of where she needs me most. Her breath hitches. Kara wants more, but I take my time and worship her body.
"Please," she whispers.
I answer with my mouth.
Her taste floods my senses. She’s sweet and addictive.
I trace her folds with my tongue and teasing her open until her hips start to move in time with me.
When I slide a finger inside, she moans and the sound rips through me.
It’s raw and unfiltered. She almost comes undone right there.
Then I add another and curl them until she trembles.
"Rustin, I need you inside me."
"Say it again," I demand, my voice dark and commanding.
"I need you inside me. I've needed you for three years."
"Fuck, baby. You're going to ruin me."
"Good," she breathes.
The word hits me like a hammer to the chest.
I rise over her, my body already straining and desperate for more.
My tip slides through her slick heat, finding her entrance.
I push inside in one deep, claiming thrust. Then I swallow her gasp with another kiss as her walls stretch around me tight and perfect.
I move with her, finding a rhythm that feels both new and inevitable.
The heat between us builds until I can't tell where I end and she begins.
"Mine," I growl against her ear. "Do you understand? You've always been mine. I’m the only man you’re going to think about next time you’re alone in bed."
"Yes," she gasps, nails digging into my shoulders. "Yours. I’m only yours."
"No one else gets to see you like this. No one else gets to hear these sounds you make."
"So perfect," I breathe against her skin. "You take all of me like you were made for me."
Her lips curve into a slow, wicked smile. “Then fuck me.”
That’s all it takes. I lose myself in time and slam into Kara. Each thrust deep threatens to undo me as she arches her hips up in time with mine. We stay there as the storm outside fades into nothing but white noise.
Kara’s body meets mine. It’s hard and fast. Her nails scrape down my back, and I swear the whole cabin could come down around us and I wouldn’t stop.
I slip a hand between us and circle her clit with my thumb until she cries out my name.
The sound unravels me. I thrust harder, faster, until we’re both falling apart.
She’s getting close. Her breath catches. Her muscles tense. It takes everything in me to hold on. Her body racks with tremors and even then, I don’t slow down.
When she finally clenches around me, crying out my name, I lose it completely. I fall over the edge with a guttural sound and bury my face against her neck. I fill her until I have nothing left to give and she milks me to the last drop.
For a long moment, neither of us moves. It’s just the crackle of the fire, the soft patter of snow against the windows and the sound of our uneven breathing.
I roll to my side and pull her against me. Her head tucks beneath my chin. My hand finds the small of her back, tracing lazy circles until her breathing evens out. I watch her sleep and know that I’m never going to be able to go back to a life without her in it.
Two hours pass before her eyelids flutter open and I take her all over again.
When Kara asks me if she can stay forever, I don’t answer with words.
Instead I roll us so she's beneath me and look down at her in the white moonlight.
I cage her in with my arms and show her with my mouth until she's gasping my name into the ceiling.