Chapter 7
CHAPTER SEVEN
ASTRID
I walked out of my bedroom and everyone was gone.
I’d just spent the last half hour making the bed, unpacking some clothes and putting things away in the bathroom.
I could have done it later, but I was a coward.
I had wanted to give Chase the opportunity to leave without making it a big deal if he’d changed his mind about talking.
Not sure how I felt not seeing him still here, I heard a noise like boxes being shifted followed by mumbled cursing. Chase. He was still here.
Turning the corner of the hallway, I found him off the kitchen where the pantry was located.
I’d always wanted one with a door and had made sure the house design I chose had a large one.
“Hey, you don’t have to do that. Come on and sit down.
I think the boxes on the couch aren’t that heavy. I’ll clear it off and--”
“Astrid, I don’t want to be treated like some damn invalid. Just because I’m no longer on active duty doesn’t mean I can’t do other things. Like lift boxes or carry you into that bedroom where I’ll show you my injury won’t keep me from making you--"
“Whoa. Don’t you think that’s pretty optimistic?
” I couldn’t let him finish the rest of his bold declaration.
At least not yet. “Now that we’re alone, why don’t you start with why you came back?
Here. To Pineville.” Way to state the obvious, Astrid.
Stupid nerves. Why does he have to be so irresistible when he’s all riled up?
“Why now?” I added. “Are you looking for redemption or just another quick lay? Because I’m not interested in either.” Liar, liar, pants on fire, Astrid.
His gaze turned hard, briefly, before morphing into something wild. Something beyond sexy that caused my mouth to dry up before reverting to controlled and calm.
“Redemption isn’t what drives me, sweetheart. And as far as repeating our one time together, well now, if you agree, I can guarantee that there’ll be nothing quick about it.”
Shit, did he just switch into a southern drawl? His cadence, all slow and seductive. It nearly kept me spellbound. But the wild beating of my heart, and the memory of that long ago hurt cleared it out. I had to hold strong.
Because allowing myself to succumb to the sensual connection that I could no longer deny was happening would not happen. I’d promised myself years ago after my divorce that I deserved more. I deserved it all. Not just great sex, but love and friendship. And most of all, respect.
If he couldn’t prove that he wanted all of those things, there was no way I was letting him back into my life. No matter how many times he flexed his damn muscles or smiled at me as if I was the only woman he wanted in his bed.
“Why should I give you a second chance? Like my ex, you stomped all over my heart. And you left without a word. No goodbye. No letter. At least with my ex, I came out on the other side with Josh. What is it you think you can offer me that any other man can’t?”
“Shit, you don’t pull any punches, do you?” Chase ran a hand through his hair, messing it up, and damn, it made him even sexier.
“No, I don’t. I can’t afford to. We’ve both had a lot happen in our lives since high school.
My ex cheated, got the woman pregnant, decided he wanted her and the baby, then cut off contact with me and Josh for years.
It’s only through a lot of counseling that Josh became willing to give his dad another chance. ”
“But not you, huh? What did it do to you?” His voice sounded tight, filled with regret even as he tried to soften his tone.
I couldn’t answer that, and if I’d hoped to scare him away, it didn’t work.
He just stood there, hands on hips, wearing that mulish expression I wished I didn’t remember so well.
Determination and, damn it, empathy shone from his dark brown eyes.
“I think it’s time for that bottle of wine, don’t you? ”
How did he do that? One minute I was ready to throw him out and tell him not to bother, and the next he made me feel as if this moment had been inevitable. That he was still the friend I’d relied on during that last turbulent year of school, and who’d incredibly confessed to wanting more.
We both needed the truth to come out. I had no time to unpack the boxes lining the kitchen counter, but I think I knew where the glasses were.
The rain had lulled a bit, and we could sit on the back deck, which I’d been wanting to do all day.
The view was my favorite part of the land I’d spent years saving for.
Glasses and wine opener secured. I asked, “White or red? I’ll meet you on the deck.” Unable to meet his gaze, I turned toward the refrigerator.
“Whichever you prefer works. You sure you want to go out there? That storm is just in a lull.”
“Oh, so now you’re a weatherman? Is that one of your secrets, Chase?” I sent him a quick glance over my shoulder.
“There she is.” Chase grinned.
“What are you talking about?” Choosing a white, I paused and finally looked at him. What was he up to?
“I missed your sarcasm and how you were the only one who didn’t hold back from calling me out.
And there were other things I missed more, but we’ll begin there.
Here, let me grab the glasses.” Chase didn’t wait for me to respond; picked them up and headed toward the deck.
I’d noticed earlier that his limp had become more pronounced the more time had passed.
Shoot, now I felt truly guilty for not getting him to put his feet up earlier.
And damn him. My heart had fluttered not just from his words but from the way his gaze had roamed my now overheated body. Left with no choice but to follow him, I grabbed the bottle and closed the sliding door behind me.
Somehow, he’d gotten both of the Adirondack chairs my brother had made as a housewarming present dried off. The glasses of wine sat on the table between the chairs, and he wore a contented look on his handsome face even as he massaged his lower back before fully leaning into the chair.
But I didn’t ask what he was thinking about, just sat and waited for him to speak.
He handed me my glass, raised his and clinked our glasses before downing his in one go.
“Guess it’s a good thing I brought the bottle out with me.
” I refilled his glass. Chase held it in his hand but didn’t take a drink.
He just kept looking at the view and the cloud-filled sky.
“Funny to think that Idaho’s unpredictable weather would be one thing I missed, huh?” Chase shifted in his chair, leaning on his side to fully face me. “Yeah, not what we came out to discuss.” He took my hand and slowly rubbed his thumb along the soft spot of my palm.
“Chase--”
“Please, I need the connection. So I can admit how much of a coward I was back then. I may have portrayed myself as confident and cool, but inside I was just a scared kid. No dad, our mom was barely around, working two jobs, and two annoying younger brothers. The summer between junior and senior year, I went a bit off the rails. Hung out with the wrong guys, got caught up in stealing car. After the fact. But I rode around in it knowing it was stolen.”
He’d stopped rubbing my skin, and I missed it. And my heart ached for the boy who had no one to turn to.
“Incredibly, my friends didn’t get caught.
And I made excuses not to hang out with them once senior year began.
Then we connected, and I thought finally, something’s going right in my life for once.
But as you know, it didn’t last. The day after graduation, after we…
well, someone snitched and outed us all.
There was no way I was going to drag you into my stupidity.
And when it came time to go before the judge, he gave me an alternative way to avoid jail time since I was an accessory after the fact. ”
My chest had gone tight, and I didn’t want to hear anymore, I just wanted to go back in time and do things differently. I wanted to have been brave enough to show up at his house, anything to find him and be there for him.
Chase shook his head. “No, sweetheart, don’t.
I see it in your eyes. I did what had to be done.
I was offered jail time or joining the military.
And I didn’t look back. Not at first. I was stupid and proud, and then I realized I was thriving and was handed the rare opportunity to become something unique.
The work I did was top-secret. And it was dangerous, and I loved it.
And it gave me a way to keep tabs on you.
To find out you’d gotten married, had a kid, was living your best life. ”
It was my turn to shake my head. “Looks can be deceiving.” I whispered.
“Yeah, they sure can. I’m sorry, Astrid. If I could go back and not let you think…well, I’m not sure what you thought. But I’m sure it wasn’t anything good.” Chase swung his legs to the side of his chair with a groan that wasn’t quite contained, then stood and offered me a hand up.
I took it. I let him pull me up, amazed at his pain tolerance. I had to lift my chin to look into his eyes, and what I saw nearly brought me to tears. We were standing so close that it would only take one of us to lean in an inch or two and we’d be touching. But not yet.
“I’m not that boy anymore, and all I can ask for now is your forgiveness.
And if you give it, then I’ll spend every day ensuring that it’s earned.
I wasn’t lying when I told you that your face was what I saw when after I was shot.
You may be my biggest regret, and I’m going to guess I’m yours, but I’m hoping you’ll be my future. ”
“I believed a similar promise from you, and it sent me on a path…a path that, looking back now, I wouldn’t change.
It strengthened me. Turned me into the woman I am today, and most importantly, it brought me my son.
I understand why you did what you did. I forgive you, Chase.
If I didn’t, that would be a disservice to us both. ”
The space, the very air between us, was electrically charged. Or maybe it was the ozone scent from the storm about to begin act two, which was on the verge of igniting even as the silence grew.
“If you really want back into my life, then you’re gonna have to adjust to a different Astrid than the young girl you left behind.
I no longer have stars in my eyes or silly dreams of the perfect life.
I’m all in on reality. So, if this thing between us, if I decide to… will be nothing other than physical.”
With an almost imperceptible shift in his stance, Chase dipped his head until maybe two inches remained between us. “That’s a good place to start.”
I’d turned into a freaking live wire as the brush of his fingertips abraded my skin. I leaned closer, seeking more. Yes, I wanted more. The intensity of him made knees knock, but I wasn’t the shy and desperate-to-please schoolgirl he once knew. She’d faded a long time ago.
Quite the opposite, and I could no longer wait to have every inch of him against me—and I kissed him. My body reacted before my brain had a chance to vote on whether it was a good idea. And if I thought I had any control over it, like everything else he’d done since arriving, he proved me wrong.
He circled my waist with his large, hot hands that sent a little quake through me. Taking over, his tongue slid into my mouth and with a swift move, he pinned me against the doorframe.
The kiss turned from slow and gentle to passionate, desperate as he explored me with his lips; firm hands slid over my hips, massaging my curves. His kiss demanded a response, and I gave it to him.
I couldn’t get close enough as I pressed my breasts against his hard chest. The contact against my over-sensitized nipples turned me into a pleasure-seeker I hardly recognized.
Because just once in my life I wanted to know what it felt like to be needed, desired beyond reason.
To forget my responsibilities, to be consumed by a once in a lifetime passion.
And Chase was the only man I wanted it from.