13 - Brie
Breaking The Tension
~
Brie
My phone was useless, absolutely useless, and had been for the past few days. Since the wind started rattling everything that wasn’t fully tacked down, I hadn’t had any signal, and now the satellite phone was out too.
I stood by the couch. I went out onto the porch. I tried every single room in the cabin, but there was no cell phone service. Not only was I stuck here, I couldn’t even hear about what was happening in the world outside.
It felt like the walls were closing in, and every time I dialed Holly’s number and the call wouldn’t go through, I felt like another strand of my sanity snapped.
I paced between the kitchen and the living room through the dining area, raising the phone over my head, hoping even for the crackling snatches of a conversation. I needed to hear the voice of someone who didn’t live in the cabin. Someone who wasn’t stuck in the middle of nowhere.
“Oh, come on!” I shouted, shaking the phone. “Can I get a break? Is it too much to ask?”
Lexi sat in the armchair staring at me. She had been reading earlier, but my frantic pacing and dialing were getting to her.
She watched me, her brow creased, but I couldn’t stop.
Getting to make my phone call was not just for my good; it was for the good of all of us, Lexi included.
If watching me pace was freaking her out, she wouldn’t survive me losing my mind completely.
“Brie? Are you okay?” Lexi asked finally.
I didn’t even look at her. I was staring at the phone screen.
I couldn’t miss it if a service bar suddenly popped up even for a second.
At this point, I would’ve been happy with phone tag.
A missed call to Holly she could only respond to with another missed call.
I knew the world still existed outside this place, but I needed proof.
Right now it felt as if we were the only people on the planet.
“No. no. I’m not okay, Lexi. I need this phone to work so I can talk to someone other than you guys.
I can’t take this anymore!” I didn’t mean to snap.
I just wasn’t thinking. How could I be expected to think when I was stuck here and everyone around me kept talking about how it was only going to get worse?
I was still pacing when I heard the door slam shut, then Lexi wasn’t in the cabin anymore.
I hadn’t tried standing on the kitchen island, but I was now desperate enough to try. I yanked myself up and stood there with my arms raised and the phone calling Holly’s number. It wasn’t ringing. Even after I had done the craziest thing I could think of and even that hadn’t worked.
“Is everything okay?” Tobias rushed in.
If I didn’t feel crazy enough on my own, the look on his face said it all.
“I need to make a call, Tobias. Then everything will get back to normal. I just want to talk to my friend.” My voice cracked. My vision blurred for a second, then I felt the tears stream down my cheeks.
“Just come down from there. It will be okay,” Tobias said gently.
He held out his arms, helping me down, then he held me. A tight hug against his chest, my tears soaking through his denim jacket.
“The satellite phone usually becomes unstable this time of year, but I promise when the line is up—day or night—you’ll be the first person to make a call,” he reasoned. “Sit down. Let me make you some tea.”
Tobias led me to a bar stool by the kitchen island as if I hadn’t sat on that very same chair almost every day since I moved into the cabin.
I appreciated it: the gentleness, the kindness, and consideration.
It was just a phone call to my friend, not the end of the world, not a lethal injury or an incurable disease, but Tobias chose not to minimize my breakdown.
It endeared him to me, made me feel safe and comfortable around him.
“I’m sorry,” I said with the first sip of tea on my tongue. “I’m just not used to this. If I’m completely honest, I wasn’t fully prepared for it either. I thought I’d at least be able to talk to Holly. This feels like I’m completely cut off from the world I spent all my life living in.”
Tobias sat down next to me with his own teacup in hand and drank slowly.
“Is that why you…” He stopped mid-sentence and tried to reword his question. “Gideon told me what happened at the grocery store, Brie.”
My first reaction was panic, but I had done nothing wrong. It was just a kiss between two consenting adults and also nothing compared to what I had done with both him and Gideon.
“It was just a kiss,” I said offhand. Tobias was in no position to judge, and I wasn’t in the mood to explain myself.
“Just a kiss?” Tobias asked. “With Gunner? In the middle of the grocery store?” Tobias watched me over the rim of his teacup.
The details he thought would make me recoil and fill me with regret were doing the opposite.
I wanted Gunner’s recklessness, his fun, spontaneous attitude, the courage to do whatever he felt like, consequences be damned.
I wanted to know what that would be like, and having him would bring me close enough.
I couldn’t say that to Tobias. It wasn’t just because I knew he wouldn’t understand, but mostly because I didn’t understand myself either.
For all my life, I had been cautious. I had thought through every possible consequence and chosen the safest option. That was me. Always.
I hadn’t even spent a few weeks in the cabin and I was already screwing my boss. Days later, his bodyguard. And now whatever insatiable beast had taken hold of me, I wanted Gunner too.
“I can’t tell you how to live your life, Brie, but—”
“You can’t tell me how to live my life.” I cut him off. “That should be the end of the sentence,” I said sternly. “No buts.”
Tobias nodded, and suddenly we were both sitting in silence. There was no love lost, no anger or feelings of betrayal. We were just two people coming to terms with the situation that locked us in.
“It was just once,” I lied. Kind of.
It had happened just once, but if it happened again, I wouldn’t protest. The thought excited me. I had imagined all the different ways it would play out.
“Like you said, Brie, I can’t tell you how to live your life,” Tobias said, resigned.
Lexi walked over slowly. She swayed from left to right, the stance she took whenever she was going to ask for something, fully expecting to get it.
“Daddy, you said you were going to teach me how to stabilize the snow plow,” she said matter-of-factly.
Tobias looked outside just as the wind started to whistle. A long, high-pitched sound rang through the woods. It was definitely getting colder. The clouds above stayed a dark, heavy blue. It was a threat of things to come, and I hated it.
“Baby, it’s so cold outside. Can we do it another time? Maybe when the wind passes,” he offered.
“No, Daddy. You promised. You said I could plow the snow this year. You have to teach me,” she whined. “You promised.”
I could tell Tobias really didn’t want to let Lexi out into the bitter cold. But her pleading and negotiations were wearing on him as usual. He would have to give in if there was any hope of her stopping.
“Fine, Lexi, we’ll head to the shed. But just for a while, okay? It’s cold outside,” Tobias said, following her out of the house and into the shed where Gideon had been working since sunrise.
It was one of the last days any one of us would be able to spend time outside. Just as I had gotten used to spending everyday inside this place, Mother Nature turned things up a notch.
“It might be one of our last outside days for a long time, Brie. Are you coming? It would be good for you,” Tobias said. The sympathy was back in his voice.
“I just want to try getting through to Holly a few more times,” I said, feeling torn between freedom from these four walls and making much-needed contact. “But don’t worry, your pep talk worked. I’ll be much calmer in my attempts going forward.”
Tobias smiled and nodded, then walked out to catch up with Lexi. I dialed Holly’s number again and started climbing up the stairs, my eyes trained on the screen for any changes to my reception.
“Oh, shit.” I stumbled back, nearly dropping my phone. When I looked up to see which wall had jumped into my path, I found Gunner standing in front of me.
“Finally, it’s just you and me,” he grinned.