27 - Brie
Decisions
~
Brie
The sky was finally clear, clear enough for me to get a signal on my cellphone. I was woken up by vibrating and pinging from under my pillow. Texts, missed calls, and voice messages, mainly from Holly, each one more panicked than the last.
I couldn’t help but laugh. Our roles had changed so much.
I had always been the over-thinker, texting and calling, wondering where she was, if she was safe.
And now it was her turn. Granted, she had never gone AWOL for months out in the mountains, living with strangers she knew nothing about before moving in with them.
My life had become wild and free, and I hadn’t had a moment to keep her in the loop.
I dialed her number and lay back down on my pillow, listening as the phone rang. Three rings, and then her distraught answer.
“Brie? Oh, thank God! Are you okay? I didn’t know if you were alive. Please tell me you’re okay.”
I knew she was worried; I just hadn’t considered how much.
I closed my eyes, and I was back in my apartment, lying in bed, catching up with her.
It was a ritual we kept at least twice a week, even though we worked at the same hospital and met up regularly to keep up with the big things.
We were both busy, living between shifts, sometimes only catching up on her way out and my way in, or my way out and her way in.
Over the phone is where our real friendship happened.
“Hey, I’m great, actually. It’s the signal out here. It’s so unpredictable, and with the weather, it’s been impossible.” I smiled.
The familiarity of her voice, the sounds of the locker room at work, the door opening and closing, exhausted conversations, and frustrated complaints. In my mind, I was back there with her, catching up like we used to.
“When are you coming home? The investigation is over, and no one was at fault. There is nothing to run from anymore,” Holly said.
She wasn’t celebrating. She didn’t even sound happy. Even after I explained why I was out of touch, she was still worried about me.
“I’m not running anymore, Holly,” I confessed.
“I was running in the beginning, but now things are different. I’m…
happy here. I look after this little girl, Lexi.
She’s so smart, knows everything you could ever want to know about wild mushrooms and bears.
Her dad, Tobias, was pretty strict when I first got here.
He’s grown on me. Soft on the inside, you know.
Tender, protective. He’s gone through some really crazy stuff and came out here to get away from it all, just like I did. ”
“Hmm,” she hummed, letting me know she was still listening. I could hear her move through the hospital. The automatic doors opened and closed, and then the sound of traffic. Taxis, cars, and bicycles zooming past, people crowding the sidewalk.
“There’s also Gideon, technically.”
“Who?”
"He’s Tobias’s bodyguard, but actually his best friend. It’s an odd dynamic, but I think I get it now. Gideon is the one person he could always depend on, and he trusts him with everything. Then there’s Gunner,” I laughed.
The worry in Holly’s tone grew sharper, mixed with confusion. “How many men are you up there with? Are you sure you’re okay? Is this a hostage situation? I can call the police. Blink twice if you want me to call the cops.”
“You can’t see my face, so what’s the point of blinking?” My amusement floated through the soft silence of my bedroom. “Besides, there’s no need.”
“What do you mean?”
“Gunner is a free spirit. A hunter, a log man, the quintessential mountain man, more comfortable out in the woods than indoors.” I fidgeted with the edge of my pillow. “They’re just a bunch of good guys. That’s all.”
Holly hummed again, but this time there was more to it; I could tell.
After all the years we’ve been friends, I could read the subtle changes in her tone even if she didn’t use any actual words, just hums that would sound like conversational intonations to anyone else. It was an entire statement to me.
“I can’t imagine ever meeting anyone like them back home, in the city,” I said.
“Sounds like this has become more than just an escape,” she said. I heard her apartment door open and close. The convenience of having everything close by seemed like a distant memory. Half-forgotten.
And this was more than just an escape. She was right. It was a whole new life. Being out here had changed me, made it impossible to ever fully go back to who I was when I first came to the cabin. That scared, anxious woman was gone. I was nothing like her.
“It is,” I admitted. “I don’t know if I can fit into my old life again.”
There was silence. I could hear Holly breathing on the other end of the line, so at least she was still there.
“Look, Brie, I know what happened was a lot for you. Everyone understands why you needed a break, but this is your career we’re talking about. You can’t give it all up to be a nanny in the middle of nowhere. That was not your dream,” Holly pleaded.
The plan had always been to go back refreshed.
Get back into nursing and go back to my normal life.
I still wanted that, but I also didn’t want to let go of this life.
I was happy. I was discovering myself in ways I could never have dreamed of before.
It felt like a waste to let it all go. Still, Holly had a point.
Staying would waste years of studying, sleepless nights, and everything I had always thought was important.
“Look, I know you’re going through some kind of awakening right now, but you need to make a decision. Your job is safe, but it won’t wait forever. You need to choose what it is you want.” Holly was exhausted and disappointed. And hurt. I heard it bubble up in her words.
But to choose…
If she only knew how hard I’d been avoiding making a choice at all. This whole thing started because I didn’t want to choose.
I could tell she had hoped for something different. She wanted to hear that I had already packed my bags and planned the long trip back home. The truth was, I didn’t know if I wanted that.
I looked out the window of my quarters and saw Lexi running around in her boots.
She threw snow up in the air and giggled as it fell back down on her.
Gideon and Gunner threw snowballs at each other, and Tobias stood thoughtfully, drinking his coffee.
I was being pulled between two worlds. One world was with Holly, pulling me back to a life I had spent years building, also the life that had almost crushed me.
The other was right outside my window. It made me happy, but I didn’t know how long it could last.
“I have to go, Holly,” I sighed. “We’ll talk again soon, okay?”
“Mmm hmm,” Holly agreed. “Then maybe you can tell me what you’re actually getting up to out there.”
Usually, talking to Holly cleared my head and made my decisions easier, even if we didn’t always agree, but this time I hung up more confused than ever. I got dressed for a snow day and headed out.
I walked through the kitchen and grabbed a cup of coffee. Gideon always made sure there was coffee waiting for me at the touch of a button if he wasn’t there to hand it to me himself. My mug, which no one else used, was right there.
I walked out with it in hand and just stood there watching the three men I had fallen in love with and the little girl who brought us all together.
Gunner ran up to me and almost knocked the coffee out of my hands and kissed me.
His lips were warm and soft, which almost made me swoon.
“We’ve been waiting for you,” he smiled. “We’re going to build a snowman.”
He was excited and happy, and he made me feel it, too.
All three of them made me feel different things I didn’t realize I wanted to feel.
Things I could never get from just one man.
It worked, it was working, and the way we came together the other night proved that, but it could only work here, where nothing anyone else thought mattered.
“What are you thinking about?” Gunner asked, draping his arm over my shoulder.
“Us,” I smiled. “This life.”
He smiled as the memories flashed through his mind. “What about us and this life?”
I looked at him, wanting to see his eyes gauge whether he was answering me honestly. “It’s crazy, isn’t it?”
Gunner nodded, “Yep. That’s one of the words I’d use.”
“Am I crazy for wanting it?” I prodded. It was so easy to talk to him. Everything was simple for Gunner.
“You mean crazy for sleeping with three men and living with all of them in a quadrangular relationship?” He laughed. “Insane!”
I cocked my head, prompting him to say more, to really tell me what he thought.
“But we all want it too, so I guess we’re as crazy as you are. It’s why we love you.” He snaked his arm through mine and led me forward. “Come on, let’s go build that snowman.”