Chapter 12 Jude
Jude
As if the universe knew we needed a break from wherever this emotional mood was taking us, it’s then that our server arrives and slides our plates onto the table.
I take the opportunity to detour the conversation toward some safer, lighter topics.
“OK. So, I know we already did a quiz, but I might have looked up first date questions.”
I shoot her an amused look. “You like your quizzes. Have at it, you can ask me anythin’.”
She reaches into her purse and pulls out a piece of paper. “I printed it off, but if it’s terrible, we don’t have to—”
“Ask me, Em.”
Her eyes light up. “Really?”
I lean in, loving the happiness that’s written all over her face. “Hit me with your best shot, wifey.”
“OK… just remember, you agreed. Yeah?”
“C’mon, already,” I tease as I lean back in my chair.
“I might skip some of these because they’re a bit lame.”
“Been known to be lame a time or two in my life. I might like them even more now.”
She lifts her hand to her chest and gasps. “You too? Look, we’ve got somethin’ else in common.” Her lips twitch up into a smile that has my heart skipping a beat. Seems to happen a lot around her.
“I’ve heard it’s good to have things in common with your spouse.”
Em’s eyes shine bright. “Let’s see if we can find some more then.” She looks down at the list. “OK. What’s your favorite color?”
“Blue,” I say. The color your eyes shine in the light. “What’s yours?”
“Green but not lime or anythin’. More like a deep forest green. Warm and earthy, you know?”
I grin. “Note to self, warm and cozy colors for my wife.” Nodding to the paper, I wait for her next question, already enjoying myself.
“OK. Favorite place you’ve ever been to?”
Biting my lip, the answer sitting on the tip of my tongue. “You’re goin’ to roll your eyes at this one,” I say preemptively.
“Let me guess. Timber Falls?”
I shake my head. “Nope.”
She leans forward in her seat. “Now I’m curious.”
“What if it’s not a place, but a person?”
Em’s lips part and she shakes her head. “There’s no way you’re about to say me.” One of my shoulders bounce as I focus on the label on my beer bottle. “Jude?
I slowly lift my eyes to meet her gentle ones. “Are you bein’ serious?”
“I feel better when I’m with you. I can’t explain it, and yeah—it’s fast and we’re still gettin’ to know each other but…
” I shrug again, looking out the restaurant’s window to gather my thoughts before turning back.
“For most of my life, I’ve felt the need to act or be a certain way.
As I got older, I realized that it’s an exhaustin’ way to live, and considerin’ my ADHD is already exhaustin’ enough when it wants to be, I just…
I like bein’ around people where I know I can just be me.
Gramps got it, my brothers know it too.”
“Jude…” she says, her voice as smooth as butter.
“With you, I don’t even have to think. I can just be Jude. The man who was offered a miracle and hasn’t regretted takin’ it for a single second since.”
She holds my gaze, the intensity in her eyes holding me captive. “I like that what you are to me is what I am to you, hubby. You’re my safe space. Everythin’ with you is easy, even when it should be hard. Just bein’ with you, talkin’ to you—”
“Askin’ me the hard-hittin’ questions?” I say, arching a brow and hoping to steer the conversation back to light and easy for my own sake. It’s too early to scare my wife away with promises of forever—even if that is the only thing I want.
“Hmm. Nice save, hubby. But yes. Let’s get back to those questions before you turn me into a melted puddle on the floor of this nice restaurant.”
“Exactly,” I muse. “I’ll save that for the second date.”
I take a drink while she scans the page again, her lips twitching as she does it. I love how she can switch from light to heavy and back again without issue because I’m the same.
“OK. What kind of music do you like?”
“Anythin’ with a beat. Slow when I’m tryin’ to relax, fast when I’m tryin’ to stay energized,” I tell her.
“Somethin’ tells me you’re more of the energized type than the relaxin’ kind.”
My lips twitch. “Maybe that’s somethin’ I’m hopin’ my wife can help me with.”
Em hums but her warm eyes let me know she liked that answer. “Good answer, hubby. Next up, what’s your favorite TV show?”
“You know that one already.”
She eyes me skeptically, a single brow raised. “You already liked Deadliest Catch before knowin’ me?
“Yep,” I reply. “Dad’s a crab boat captain out of Dutch Harbor. He’s been doin’ it for decades.”
A gasp escapes her. “Imagine if he’d been on the show. That would make you be two degrees of separation from a celebrity.”
I chuckle. “Nah. I did watch the early episodes with him, though. You should’ve heard him analyzin’ everythin’. He’d get really into it and one or more of us would end up in an argument over how real reality TV is.”
She’s leaning back in her chair now, a picture of comfort. “That sounds fun, actually.”
My lips tug up on the side. “Maybe we’ll put on an episode when I take you to meet my parents,” I say without thinking.
She stills, as if she hadn’t thought about that happening. “I think I’d like that. Then I can hear all the embarrassin’ stories from your childhood.”
I laugh, shaking my head. “As long as you promise not to get Mom to pull out the baby photos, have at it.”
She eyes me knowingly. “Deal.” Lifting the paper again, she looks over at me. “OK, last one. What’s your favorite thing to do for yourself?”
“When we first moved back to the ranch, the greenhouses were in a terrible state. They were overgrown and hadn’t been fixed up or used for years. So, I decided to make it my project for the ranch. Sutt has his Zen garden, Case has his Christmas tree farm, Will oversees everythin’ and I have that.”
She leans an arm against the table and picks at the leftover salad on her plate. “How are they goin’ now?”
“Really good. Just finished the last of our plantin’ for the year before the weather turns.”
“Is it just for personal use, or are you goin’ to be sellin’ them at the farmer’s market? My mom used to sell knitted crafts and fruit from our orchard at the markets every so often.” She smiles. “I’d go with her and pretend I was a shopkeeper.”
“Cutest shopkeeper in the whole town, I bet,” I reply. “That is the plan, though. Grow enough for us and whatever’s left can be for the community—whether that be through givin’ it away or barterin’. I like the idea of the townsfolk workin’ together to help each other out.”
“Timber Falls is good like that. Everyone knows everyone.”
“And they’re always willin’ to help out when it’s needed. I couldn’t believe the amount of meals delivered to your house after Sully’s passin’.” My eyes jump wide at my mistake.
“It’s OK,” she says, her expression not stricken as I’d expected.
“I can’t say I’m the same woman I was two months ago because that would be a lie.
I adored my father. He may not have been everyone’s cup of tea but he was amazin’ to me.
He may have been overprotective and strict at times, but he was also a great listener, told a great dad joke, and never once tried to stop me from doin’ anythin’ I wanted to do.
” She closes her eyes, taking a slow deep breath before opening them again.
All I want to do is get up and wrap my arms around her so she knows she’s not alone.
Instead, I reach over and grab hold of her hand, with no plans to let it go this time.
Her gentle gaze meets my concerned one. “Hey. No. Please don’t look at me like that.
I’m OK, I promise. Whenever I think about him, it hits me that he’s truly gone now.
He’s not goin’ to be back home the next time I visit.
He won’t be callin’ me askin’ me to update him on the Pacific Plate like he used to do every once in a while.
” She falls quiet. “Honestly, I think that’s what is holdin’ me back about bein’ back on the mountain. It’s almost paralyzin’.”
I nod, understanding exactly how she feels.
“First time I went inside the house at the ranch after Gramps had passed, it felt wrong somehow. It didn’t help that the place looked like it had been frozen in time and the only thing missin’ was him.
It helped havin’ my brothers around, though.
Even now, months later, we still joke and reminisce about the things we did with him and all the crazy stories he used to tell us. ”
A small, soft smile appears. “We’ve been doin’ that too. It’s been nice bein’ able to message them at any time just to check in and know I’m not in this alone.”
I rub my thumb over her knuckles. “You won’t ever be again if I have any say in it.”
Em’s eyes turn glassy. “That might just be the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me.”
“I mean it.”
“I know.” We sit there in comfortable silence, just looking at one another.
Something pushes me to ask a question of my own, one that has nothing to do with first dates and everything to do with Em and me.
“You don’t have to answer but I think…” I shake my head at myself, “no, I need to ask somethin’ just to put my mind at ease.”
Her brows pinch together. “OK…”
“Do you regret leavin’ town the way you did?”
I watch as she picks her wine glass up off the table and pulls it close, cradling it in her hand. She doesn’t hide that she’s running the question over in her mind, but she does it for a long time. So much so, I’m just about to take back my question when she answers.