Chapter 12 #2
“That’s really sweet.” I try not to think beyond that. To the fact that my babies—these angels now stirring inside me—will sometimes sleep miles from my house.
It’s what Luke and I agreed on.
It’s what makes the most sense.
It’s how we’ll manage to keep a healthy separation between us.
So why does my chest ache like somebody’s standing on it?
“Here we go.” He lets go of my hand beside a closed door. “My bedroom is right over there, so I’ll hear them even without the baby monitor.”
“Nice and close.”
“Yeah,” he says, dragging a hand through his hair.
“Look, I know it’s not as fancy as the one at your house.
And it makes the most sense for them to be with you most of the time, especially with the breastfeeding and all.
But my dad never made space for me in his life, and I guess I just wanted…
” He trails off, glancing away. “Never mind.”
“Luke.” I put a hand on his arm. “You’re going to be an incredible father. The nursery’s incredible, too.”
He raises one sandy brow. “Pregnancy gives you the power to see through doors?”
“Shut up.” I whack him lightly in the chest with the back of my hand. “It’s incredible because you created it. You don’t do anything half-assed.”
“Thanks.” He grins. “Better get all the bad words out of the way now. There’s a strict no-cursing rule in place once you step through this door.”
“Noted.” I’m smiling as he slowly turns the knob.
Then my smile drops.
So does my jaw as my eyes fill with tears and I stare at the magical room he’s created.
The walls are painted pale pink, but not sugary pink like my handbag.
Pink like the pale, lacy clouds draping over the sun as it settles to sleep in the sea.
Over the top of that wispy-rose background, there’s a painted jungle of lush green vines.
Dark branches twist toward the ceiling, where smiling forest creatures peek between leaves.
There’s a monkey, a sloth, a pair of bright birds keeping watch over two handmade cribs made of whitewashed pine.
A mobile spins slowly above them with its own tiny zoo. There’s a zebra, a lion, and a plump little elephant, all twirling with clouds and more little leaves made of fuzzy green felt.
“Oh my God, Luke.” Drawing a hand to my mouth, I take it all in. “I’ve never seen anything like it.”
“Thanks. Still got a few things to do.” Looking sheepish, he straightens a bin full of diapers. “I know it’s kinda small, but—”
“It’s absolutely beautiful.” Turning a circle, I take it all in. The Diaper Genie in the corner and the family photos in rustic white frames. I laugh as my gaze lands on a sign that reads, Watch your language, a-hole. I’m a baby.
“In case anyone forgets.” Luke looks almost embarrassed. “Harper helped with the painting. And my mom and sister worked together on the mobile. It’s just like the one Amy has for their daughter’s room.”
“I can’t believe it.” I coast my hand over the top of an old wooden dresser. “It’s all so perfect.”
“That was mine when I was a boy.” He nods at the dresser I’m touching. “I picked it up at Mom’s place last weekend. Still need to sand off the paint and refinish it, but I think it’ll do the job.”
“I can’t imagine a place more perfect for the girls.” That includes my own nursery. I squint at a grainy photo framed above the dresser. “Is this you?”
“Yeah.” Luke chuckles. “Mom gave it to me. That’s my father’s prized Hot Wheels set behind me.”
“The toy cars you never got to play with.” I study the photo of a chubby blond toddler wearing a lopsided grin and a diaper. “Why are you holding a broom?”
He shrugs. “Dad said I couldn’t touch the Hot Wheels, but I could direct traffic. That was my prop.”
“You’re adorable.” Dragging my gaze off the photos, I survey the space. “This is amazing, Luke. Everything’s perfect. I can’t believe you did this.”
“Yeah, well… Your place is pretty great, too.”
Swallowing hard, I fish into my pocket. “I’ve been meaning to give this to you.
Here.” I hold out a key on a little gold ring.
“It’s to my house. I want you to feel free to come and go whenever you want.
They’re your daughters, too. Even though I’m the one doing the physical stuff like breastfeeding and giving birth, you’ll be an equal partner in caring for them. ”
“Wow.” He stares at the key that I’ve placed in his palm. Curling his fingers around it, he lifts his gaze to mine. “I’ll make one for you for this place.”
“Thanks.”
“We’re really doing this, huh?”
“We are.”
“Parents.”
“Yeah.”
His throat rolls as he swallows. “Look, Hazel—” He stops himself, shaking his head. “Never mind.”
“What?”
He looks into my eyes, drawing a breath. “I want you to know there’s nobody on earth I’d rather do this with.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. I know it wasn’t planned, and I know we still agree it’s best if we prioritize our parenting relationship. But I’d be lying if I said these past few months with you haven’t been some of the best in my life.”
“Same.” I reach for his hand, lacing my fingers through his. “If you’d told me a year ago that I’d be unmarried and pregnant with twins and that you’d be the father…” I trail off there, not sure where I was going with that. “You know, I think I would have patted myself on the back.”
He barks out a laugh. “I find that hard to believe.”
“It’s true,” I insist. “If I’m being honest, I always had a tiny crush on you.”
“Me?” He stares like he doesn’t believe me. “But we hardly ever spoke.”
“I’m not saying I’m great at pursuing things. But I found you incredibly hot.”
“Well,” he says, chuckling. “It goes without saying I found you unbelievably gorgeous.”
“Just my breasts?” I tease.
“All of you.” He wraps his arms around me, pulling me close to his body. “Especially now that there’s so much more of you.”
Laughing, I look into his eyes. “Hazel from twelve months ago would have been proud of Hazel today for sleeping with the hot guy I’d been ogling.”
“She deserves to be proud.” Smiling, he brushes the hair off my face. “Of so many things.”
We stare at each other in silence. I’m not sure which of us moves first. What starts as a slow, tender kiss ends up with his hands in my hair and mine clutching desperately at the back of his jeans.
Luke backs me up toward the door, breaking the kiss to turn off the light. “Not here.” He tugs me gently across the hall. “This way.”
“You’re not going to pick me up this time?” I’m totally joking. “Sex works best when you don’t have a spinal injury.”
“God, Hazel.” Pulling me into his room, Luke cups my face and keeps kissing me.
We take our time undressing each other, casting off layers like this is our first time together. At this point we’ve had sex dozens of times. We’ve conceived babies together, for crying out loud. We’ve done this before.
But never like this.
I’ve never felt this connected to someone. So utterly cherished as Luke falls to his knees and kisses my belly. I sink to the mattress as he peels off my socks and kisses my ankles. He works his way up, lips brushing my knees and my bare, trembling thighs.
I tug at his shirt, fumbling with buttons and rumpled flannel. By the time we’re both naked, I’m panting and sprawled on the edge of the bed.
“Wait,” he says softly when I start to turn over.
“What?” Not to get graphic, but having me on all fours is how things work best this late in my pregnancy. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” he breathes with a smile. “I want to see you.”
“I’m a little hard to miss at this size.”
He guides me back down to a seated position, kissing the side of my neck. “You know what I mean.”
I do, but I’m not sure how to articulate this. This dull, aching need that transcends any words. I can’t drag my eyes off his face. We can’t seem to stop touching each other. It’s like we’re tethered together with a delicate, shimmery thread that might snap if we stop holding eye contact.
Kissing me gently, Luke props two pillows behind me. Then he sinks to his knees on the floor, broad shoulders parting my thighs. “Hazel.” Warm breath feathers my skin. “You’re so damn beautiful.”
With anyone else, I’d feel exposed and self-conscious. With Luke, I just smile. “I feel like a whale.” My breath stutters out as he licks up my seam. “A very sexy whale.”
“You’re a goddess.” His mouth makes me feel like one. “A fucking miracle of nature.”
“Oh, God.” I clutch at his hair, letting my eyes flutter shut. It doesn’t take long, just a few expert strokes of his tongue. Then that soft, languid swirl that coaxes me right to the brink every time.
“Luke.” My breath comes in sharp little bursts.
“I know, baby. I know.”
My body explodes, and I forget to admonish him for calling me that. Balling my fists in his comforter, I cry out and arch up beneath him.
“So fucking sexy,” he breathes as he prowls up my body. “Need to be inside you.”
“Please.” I spread my thighs wider and Luke kneels on the floor between them. To be honest, I’m not sure this is going to work. His bed sits lower than mine does, but an average-sized man could never successfully line up our bodies just right.
Luke is no average guy.
“Oh.” I gasp as he notches himself at my entrance. “Luke, please.”
“Hazel, oh my God.” His eyes fill with awe as he slowly sinks into me. I’m not sure he’s blinking or breathing. My heart’s thudding hard as I anchor my heels at the top of his hips, drawing him deeper inside me.
“Don’t want—” he pants “—to hurt you. Hurt them.”
“You’re not.” Oh my God, this feels good. Not just the sensation of Luke moving inside me, but the way we feel fused into one. Our eyes meld together, our hands intertwined, as he picks up the tempo.
“Baby,” he breathes. “You’re so stunning like this. Can’t get enough of you.”
I’m too far gone to quip about how much of me there is right now. With his next rugged thrust, he bottoms out inside me. I watch his emotions play out like a filmstrip displayed in copper-flecked blue. Wonder, elation, pure unadulterated pleasure.
All of those feelings swell to a flawless crescendo inside me. I scream out my pleasure with Luke right behind me, both of us moving together so I can’t tell where I stop and he begins.
“Oh my God.” He sags against me, eyes drifting shut as he struggles for breath.
“I know,” I say softly, stroking the back of his head. “I know.”
“Hazel, that was—”
“I know.”
“I don’t even have words for how good that was.”
With a smile, I release him, watching his gaze fill with wonder. Before I can stop them, the words bubble out.
“I love you.”
Oh my God, I just said that.
Luke looks at me, stunned. “I—”
“You don’t have to say it back.” God, I’m an idiot.
“I—”
“That was amazing and my hormones are wonky and—”
“Hazel.”
“Please, just pretend I said, ‘That was the best sex of my life’ because it was and you are and oh my God, please shoot me.”
“Hazel,” he says, one edge of his mouth twitching. “Shut the fuck up.”
Struggling to prop myself up on my arms, I huff. “Not very nice when you’re buried inside me.”
“Also not nice to say to the mother of my children, the sex goddess who rocked my world, or the woman I love.” With a grin, he slips out of me, gathering me into his arms. Kissing my temple, he draws us both down on the bed so we’re facing each other. “All the same woman, by the way.”
“Thank God.” Relief floods my core, along with a warm swell of love. “Otherwise, I might have to kick some bitch’s ass.”
He laughs harder this time, nuzzling my neck as he draws up the covers around us. “Never change, Hazel. Not one tiny bit.”
“Okay, but we should talk about this.” I’m drowsy and sex-drugged, but the words we’ve just spoken change everything. “We agreed not to go falling for each other, and here we are—”
“Falling in love like idiots?”
“Exactly.”
He nuzzles the back of my neck. “I’m good with being an idiot if you are.”
Am I? I’m not sure anymore what’s smart or what’s right.
The only thing I truly know for certain is how good it feels to be wrapped in Luke’s arms. As I drift into dreamland, I do it with a big, dopey smile on my face.