Chapter 15
Luke
I unlock Hazel’s front door, feeling weird about having my very own key to a mansion.
But Hazel’s not home, so there’s no point in knocking. Her spa date with Erika should last at least four more hours. The appointment was scheduled sometime after lunch, so they won’t be home until dinnertime.
It’s the perfect chance to surprise her with the mobile my mom and sister made just for Hazel’s place. My mom brought it over last weekend.
“It’s the same as the one in your nursery.” Mom smiled as she straightened a small felt elephant. “But I’ll admit I’m hoping you won’t need two nurseries for long. That you and Hazel will move in together for good once the babies are here.”
“One thing at a time, Mom.”
The truth, though? I’m hoping the same exact thing.
I won’t say that to Hazel. I completely respect her need to take things slowly. Trust doesn’t come easily for her, though I’m hoping I’m on the right path toward earning it. She trusted me with a key, after all.
So help me God, I won’t let her down.
As I trudge up the stairs, the back of my neck starts to tingle. I’m chalking it up to how odd it is walking these halls without Hazel here. Part of me still feels like I don’t belong.
Rounding the corner into the nursery, I freeze. “Hazel.” My heart goes splat in my chest. “What are you doing here?”
She sits stiffly in the rocking chair, gripping a pink and white teddy bear. She’s eerily pale and too still as she stares at the wall.
When her gaze snaps to mine, there’s ice in her eyes. “Where were you yesterday morning?”
My blood becomes Jello. Time slows to a crawl, and I know she found out where I was. “I can explain.”
“We had an agreement!” Her eyes blaze with fury. “You promised you’d cut off all contact with criminals. And where, pray tell, do criminals hang out?”
I freeze like a creature caught in the lethal sweep of headlights. “Uh—”
“Oh, I know this one!” Sarcastic Hazel is utterly terrifying. “Prison! Criminals hang out in prison.”
“I can explain.” Except I can’t. Not without betraying Noah and others.
“I don’t fucking care what your explanation is, Luke. You promised—no criminal contact. Remember that?”
“Yes.” My voice sounds scratchy and weak. “Yes, I remember.”
“Not only did you go back on your word, you lied to me about it—lied about where you were yesterday.”
“I did go to Salem and try on baby slings.” It’s the wrong thing to say. I see that in the clench of her jaw. “Okay, yes, you’re completely right. I should have told you I went to see Enzo.”
“Enzo,” she spits. “Don’t you mean El Matador?”
“Okay. Okay, wow.” How does she know this?
“I researched,” she says. “Asked the guards about Enzo Rodrigues Silva. He’s known as The Killer, Luke. This isn’t some guy who got jailed on a parking violation. He has an actual fucking nickname.”
“He does.” The fact that she’s cursed this many times in her no-cursing nursery tells me to tread carefully.
“But it’s not what you think. His father was a bullfighter, but Enzo’s a pacifist. A vegetarian.
He literally wouldn’t kill a fly in the commissary, so the other inmates started calling him that to be ironic. ”
“Oh, well then let’s just have him over for dinner.” Her voice flames with fury. “Better yet, we’ll take our sweet baby girls to see him in prison. Let him dandle our newborns on his knee.”
I would honestly trust him to do that, but saying so won’t help me. “I’m sorry.”
“Why were you there?”
“I went to visit my old friend.” I need to be careful here. I’ve signed an ironclad NDA. “Enzo got transferred recently, and I wanted to make sure he settled in okay.”
“How nice,” she snaps. “And how did you happen to learn this?”
I may not be the smartest person in the room, but I see the trap. “A friend.”
“So another lie.” Her grip on the teddy bear tightens. “You said you’re not in contact with anyone on the inside. Anyone with criminal connections.”
There’s nothing I can say that will help. I keep my mouth shut, praying this isn’t as bad as it seems.
“Does your friend have a criminal record?”
There’s no right answer, not even the truth. “Yes.”
“Shocker.” She draws a shuddery breath. “This non-violent, pacifist, vegetarian you were visiting—why is he incarcerated?”
The truth. In this case at least, I can tell her the truth.
“Assault.” I see from her face that she already knew this. “And yes, Enzo recently had his sentence extended. There was a misunderstanding that led to—”
“Don’t bullshit me, Luke.”
Clenching my hands at my sides, I nod sharply. “I’m sorry, Hazel. I should have been honest, but you have to believe—”
“I don’t have to do anything, Luke.” Her grip on the bear is so tight it looks painful. “I understand you showed him my photo. A dangerous felon now knows what I look like, thanks to you.”
Shit. Whoever her source is must have been close.
“It wasn’t your photo,” I say. “That’s the God’s honest truth.”
Hazel blinks. “I’m sorry?”
“I didn’t show Enzo a picture of you.”
Her eyes blaze again. “My father begs to differ.”
“Your father?” Wait. “Is he—”
“You’re not asking the questions here, Luke. My father heard you tell this—this Matador person that you’re having twin girls. When he asked to see your babymama, you just handed him the photo without even hesitating.”
“I did.” This isn’t helping things, is it? “But it wasn’t a photo of you.”
Hazel stares like I’ve grown a third arm. “If you tell me you got another woman pregnant, so help me God—”
“I didn’t, I swear, you have to believe me!”
“Fuck you!” She slings back the bear and hurls it at my chest. “If you tell me one more time what I have to do, I will call the police and have you removed from this house.”
“Okay, all right.” I pick up the bear and prop it on the changing table. Then I take a step closer, like a man in a meat suit approaching a tiger. “Look, I lied. I’m sorry I lied, and I won’t make excuses. It was wrong and I’m sorry and it won’t happen again.”
“You’re damn right it won’t.” Lurching out of the chair, she wobbles unevenly.
I reach out to steady her, but she swats me away. “Hazel—”
“I trusted you, Luke.” Her eyes are like ice blocks on fire.
“You looked me right in the eye in that boardroom and swore, ‘I’ll stay out of trouble.’ Remember that?
‘I won’t hang with criminals.’ That’s what you told me.
” Her eyes fill with tears, but she swipes them away.
“I even gave you a second chance after that last time I caught you there.”
God, I wish I could go back to that phone call with Noah. I’d tell him to shove it so hard— “I had an opportunity to learn more about my father.”
“Oh really?” Hazel’s eyes narrow. “How exactly does El Matador know about your dad?”
Dammit, I need to explain this with care. “I was offered a deal in exchange for visiting an old friend.”
“Jesus, Luke, you’re not James Bond. Cut the cloak and dagger crap.” Another thought strikes her. “And why would you take someone else’s offer of help when you flat-out rejected mine?”
“I don’t take charity. I earn my own way, Hazel.”
“By betraying me.”
Fuck.
When I don’t respond, she shakes her head grimly. “I knew not to trust you. I knew not to believe all your promises. But you kept pushing and pushing, convincing me to give you a chance. Promising you’d changed, that you’d turned over a new leaf.”
“I have.” How can I prove it? “Look, there are some things I’m not at liberty to discuss. But I love you, and I love our girls. No matter what, that’s the God’s honest truth.”
“Why would I believe a single damn word you just said?”
“Because you know me, Hazel.” I can’t bear the thought that she doesn’t. “You know I’m a good guy who wants the best for you and our children. I might occasionally screw up, but my heart’s in the right place. Please, Hazel—you know this about me.”
“I thought I did.” She sounds like I’m tearing her heart into bits. “For years, since my dad broke my trust, I struggled to believe people. To trust anyone, ever, about anything. Do you understand that?”
“Yes.” I hate that I hurt her. That I opened a wound that wasn’t quite healed. “I’m so sorry.”
“Get out.” She yanks back her hand and swipes at her eyes. “Set the key over there, then get out of my house and my life.”
“Please.” I know there’s not one single word I can say that could make this better. “I love you. Please, Hazel—for our daughters.”
Shaking her head, she steps back. “As the daughter of a man behind bars, let me explain something, Luke.” Clenching her jaw, she looks deep in my eyes.
“There are few things more painful than waking up one day to discover the man you call ‘daddy’ is nothing but a criminal with no conscience. I won’t have that happen to our daughters. ”
“You know that’s not who I am.” Even as I say it, I know it’s no use. She used to believe her dad was a good guy, too. “We’re in this together, Haze. We love each other. We planned to build a life together. Raise our daughters together.”
“Plans change,” she snaps. “I can platonically co-parent with someone I don’t particularly like.” She clenches her hands, and I notice they’re trembling. “My mother did it. I can too.”
“Please, Hazel.” I want to believe she doesn’t mean that. “Give me a chance to make this right.”
Wiping her eyes with the back of her hand, she exhales. “You’ve already used up your chances.” She points to the door. “Please go.”
I don’t know what brings me to Big One’s later that day. Mason’s brewery is the last place I should go when his cousin hates my guts.
But being at home feels unbearable. I can’t walk on the beach or go for a hike, since it’s raining like hell. And I can’t stand the thought of walking into my girls’ empty nursery knowing how badly I screwed up.
I need to see people right now. To feel like I’m part of humanity instead of some screwup who belongs behind bars.
“Luke. Hey, Luke!” A familiar voice rings out through the bar. “Over here.”
Crap.