36. Frozen Heart
Chapter thirty-six
Frozen Heart
Aurora Driscoll
I hide my blushing face behind a bouquet of roses at Hayes’s most recent text.
It’s no use, though, because my friends have already seen me and erupted into fits of giggles.
Even Marigold, who has been skeptical of Hayes, is laughing behind a cup of coffee she probably shouldn’t be drinking at ten p.m..
Last semester, we had to help Marigold through a rough patch where she wasn’t taking the best care of herself.
She’s gotten a lot better and wouldn’t usually have coffee so late, but she said she wanted to be awake when I got back.
Jasmine is sipping on coffee too, but Saylor has had none and somehow has more energy than the both of them combined.
She’s grinning widely while filling one half of our kitchen sink with water so we can put some roses in there until I decide what to do with them.
We’ve already made several bouquets, stuffing them into all the vases we own, a few mason jars, even some reusable water bottles.
I’ve gotten flowers before after performances, but never this many.
I can’t imagine throwing them away. They must have cost a fortune.
“I can’t believe you kissed!” Saylor squeals, not for the first time. “I’m so jealous. Now all of you have gorgeous boyfriends who adore you! Meanwhile, I’m going to be one of those sad doctors I shadow that live at the hospital because they have no one to go home to.”
I frown and share a concerned glance with Jasmine and Marigold.
“You’re only nineteen, Say.” Jasmine reassures her. “You’ve got time.”
Saylor starts placing roses in the water. She’s careful not to damage any of the petals, and now I feel bad that I asked for her help. I didn’t realize it might hurt her feelings.
“I don’t, though, remember? College is busy, but med school will be a whole new level.
I’ll have to schedule breathing into my Google calendar so I don’t forget.
” She huffs a laugh, not meeting our eyes.
“Then comes residency, after that working full time. I know people find love in all of those places, but it feels like my chances are so slim.”
She shakes her head, continuing to move the roses into the water.
“I scare off every guy I go on a date with. And you wanna know the worst part?” She looks up, and the emotion in her eyes catches me off guard.
“I know before I even sit across from them that it’s going to be terrible.
Because no guy has ever silenced the voice in my head that says I could be somewhere else, doing something more productive.
The only people who have are you guys and Graham.
My brother Andrew, I guess, if he was here. ”
Silence settles over the kitchen. I glance over at Jasmine and Marigold. They’re better at emotions than I am. I have no idea what to say to all of that.
“What about Graham?” Marigold asks, the words too quick to be thought through.
Jasmine shoots her a wide-eyed look. We all decided not to bring up Graham as anything more than Saylor’s friend. Well, at least I think that’s what was decided. No one ever made it official. Jasmine just gave us enough pointed looks that I felt like it was a rule.
“What about him?” Saylor asks, scrunching up her face as she reaches for more roses off the kitchen island.
“You said no guy quiets that voice, but he’s a guy, and you’re not related,” Marigold points out.
“Oh, I haven’t told you guys,” Saylor mumbles.
“Told us what?” Jasmine asks, curiosity written all over her face.
I have to admit, I’m curious too. Saylor has a tendency to spill most every thought in her mind. For her to keep something in must mean it’s a deep secret.
“I had a crush on Graham when we were younger.” She twists a rose stem in her fingers, smiling a little.
“Every girl in middle school did. He was mysterious and brooding and an artist. It was all very romantic back then. One night, he was staying over with my brother, and I got up in the middle of the night to get a snack. I thought they’d be asleep or playing video games in Andrew’s room.
“I came downstairs and Andrew was in bed, but Graham was up, sketching beneath the light of a single lamp in the living room. He looked so … I don’t know, like a dream, almost. With his dark hair and barely there smile.
I went over to him, and he showed me what he was working on.
It was a drawing of the tree in my backyard.
And maybe it was the light or the way he explained everything to me in a low voice, but I thought to myself: I have to kiss him. ”
All of us are pressing in, waiting to hear what happens next. I can picture the story so clearly in my mind, see a younger, shy Saylor taking a risk and kissing her brother’s best friend.
Saylor rolls her lips into her mouth, shrugging a little as tears form on her lashes.
“I leaned in. He leaned back. I was so embarrassed,” she whispers, swiping away a tear. “But he was kind. He let me down easy, told me he thought of me like a sister. It was weird for a little while after that, but we managed to put it behind us.”
“That must have been awful,” I say, trying to contribute.
Jasmine and Marigold nod in agreement.
“At the time it was, but not anymore. I won’t lie and say I haven’t thought of him in that way.
I mean, have you seen him?” She lets out a wet laugh.
“He’s stupid gorgeous and doesn’t even realize it.
But even if his feelings change, we want different things.
He thinks marriage is just something that comes before divorce. ”
“I’m really sorry, Say.” Jasmine punctuates her sentence with a hug. Saylor returns it, her eyes squeezed shut. Marigold joins in, too.
I let out a tiny sigh and cross the kitchen to add to the hug. Saylor’s eyes pop open and she gasps.
“Tell Hayes thank you. His kiss unfroze your beautiful heart.”
I scowl at Saylor’s dramatic words.
“This is why I don’t give you hugs. You babble nonsense like this.”
“Yeah, come on, her heart wasn’t frozen,” Marigold says as she grins at me. “It was asleep, locked away in a tower, protected by a dragon—”
I pull away from the hug with a frustrated “Ugh.”
“If we tease her too much, she’s liable to never talk to us again,” Jasmine says, humor in her voice.
“You’re the only voice of reason in this whole apartment,” I grumble.
“Aw, come on, Rory. We tease because we love you,” Marigold coos.
Meanwhile, Saylor wipes her tears, then jumps and clings to me like a koala, hanging off my neck.
“Don’t hide your heart away again! We love it and you!” she begs in an overly dramatic fashion.
I extricate myself from her embrace and scowl down at her.
“Attaching yourself to me like a parasite is not helping.”
“I’m not a parasite!” Saylor defends. “I’m more like a remora that hangs onto a shark. We’re in a symbiotic relationship.”
“So now not only do I have a heart of ice, I’m a vicious shark,” I say dryly.
Saylor blinks innocently at me.
“You had a frozen heart until Hayes melted it with his lips.” I cringe at her wording. “And the shark comparison is a compliment. Sharks are my favorite animal.” She smiles as if she’s made everything better.
“This is why I don’t do girl talk,” I mutter.
Jasmine laughs nearby. “Seriously, we’re happy for you and even happier you shared with us.”
“Same here. Though the offer to key his car is always on the table,” Marigold says with a mischievous grin.
I shake my head and let out a sigh. I love my friends, even if they’re a little—or a lot—crazy.
“I know I got all melancholy, but I really am happy for you. Your relationship gives me hope,” Saylor adds.
“Why, because if my ice heart can find someone, it means you can too?” I ask in a flat voice.
“Exactly!” Saylor chirps.
“Saylor,” Jasmine and Marigold scold at the same time.
A laugh bursts out of me at Saylor’s sheepish expression. My laugh sends all of us through a roller coaster of giggles. I find myself feeling lighter than I have in a long time, and while I don’t buy into the whole frozen-heart theory, I do think I have Hayes to thank.