Chapter 6 #2
She said that they didn’t work out, but could she have changed her mind? I never thought this much about her life outside of work before, but then again, I never had to. I always knew what she was up to. If we weren’t hanging out, she was with the girls or taking some time to herself.
She has never had a social life outside of mine before, and now that she does, I am unsure how to handle it. I don’t want to control her, but I also feel like I am losing control of my own life by losing her. It’s a delicate balance.
Iris sighs as she drops her phone back into her lap, the screen darkened.
“Who was that?” I ask, aware that my bad mood is showing.
“That’s none of your business,” she says without skipping a beat.
I know it shouldn’t, but her words sting. They are just another reminder that things between us are changing.
We have secrets now.
I let out a slow breath but keep my mouth shut.
“What is wrong with you tonight? You have been acting weird. I know you don’t like social situations, but I’m not going to always be able to be there to hold your hand, Max.”
I want to tell her to delete their numbers, get rid of the dating apps or whatever she’s using to find these douchebags, but I can’t. As much as I want to tell her that I have always been in love with her, the lump in my throat stops me.
The debilitating fear that she will reject me and leave me forever is right there. I cannot lose her. I don’t know how she did it, but she has become the single most important person in my life.
She’s right. It’s none of my business even though I wish it were. She’s made her choice, and I’ve made mine. I want her however I can.
“Sorry. You know how I get,” I grumble, hoping she buys my lie.
She doesn’t say anything for a long moment. I lose myself to my thoughts.
Have I already ruined it?
“Hey, did you notice the chemistry between Erica and Andrew?” she asks, pulling me out of my thoughts.
“Who?”
“The people we were with tonight. You know, the employees you have known for years.”
Of course I know who she is talking about. I just didn’t understand the question. Why would I notice what was going on between them when I was too busy focused on her?
“No, can’t say I was paying attention to that,” I admit.
“Of course you weren’t. You’re a man.” She sighs.
“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” I tell her.
“I’m just saying that men are oblivious to what’s right in front of them.” She shrugs.
I bite the inside of my cheek to stop myself from asking questions.
Is that a dig at me? Did I miss something? Did she give me a sign, and I was too blind to see it? Or is she really talking about our coworkers? Or hell, is she just talking about men in general?
This is why I hate social shit. I don’t always get the cues everyone else does. It has taken me a long time to teach myself to pick up on things in a business setting. I have yet to master the same in a personal one.
The rest of the ride to her place is made in silence, with only the radio playing softly in the background, neither of us having anything to say.
We pull into my parking spot in the building’s parking garage.
I meet her at the back of the vehicle as we walk to the elevator together.
I press my key fob to the button before pressing her floor.
Usually the key fobs will only bring you to your own floor, but we had ours programmed for both for easy access.
“You don’t have to walk me to my door,” she tells me.
“As many times as you say that, you know my answer is always going to be that I am going to do it anyway.”
She snorts. “What is going to happen to me in the four steps from the elevator to my door?”
“Well, I was watching a documentary the other night about a woman who lived in a secure building in Chicago. She was unlocking her door and a man had been lying in wait at the end of her hall. She didn’t notice him in the shadows.
He forced his way into her home and then proceeded to rape her repeatedly over twelve hours before leaving her for dead.
She barely made it out alive. The security footage was chilling. ”
She shivers, making me step closer to her as the elevator opens.
“I think your monotone way of speaking makes that even scarier. Now I don’t know if I even want to go into my apartment.”
“You can come to mine,” I offer immediately.
She laughs. “I’ll be fine.”
She stops at her door, unlocking it with the code before she steps inside. “I’ll see you tomorrow?” she asks.
“Of course.”
“Night.”
“Night.” I wait for her to shut the door and lock it before I make my way back to the elevator.
I let my head fall back against the wall as it brings me to my own floor.
All I want to do is go inside, pull Iris into my arms, and kiss her like I’ve always wanted to. I want to carry her down the hall to her room and lay her down on her bed and worship her the way she deserves. The way I have thought about since the day I met her in that little coffee shop.
But I can’t.
She doesn’t want me like that, and even if she did, we’re friends. She deserves someone better than me. Someone who can give her the attention she deserves and everything that comes with dating. Someone who isn’t tired after spending the night out doing something she loves.
Friends.
That’s all we are and all we will ever be. It’s for the best.