Chapter 26
Chapter
Twenty-Six
IRIS
Max was at the board meeting for hours today. It was so big that I guess everyone actually showed up rather than a member or two being too busy to attend. They even moved the meeting to the hotel conference center instead of the office.
It makes everything feel so secret. I wish Max had let me come.
Ignoring my feelings of hurt, I go to the fridge and grab another bottle of water.
I keep hoping Max will come by and tell me what happened. I want to know what the big news is. I hate surprises, and he knows it.
A knock at my door has me skipping toward it. When I open it, I smile when I see Max. He looks elated.
“Hey.” He steps forward, pressing a kiss to my lips.
I’m shocked by his actions, but I wind my arms around his neck anyway. I kiss him back, loving that he felt this was the first thing he needed to do.
Maybe we didn’t need that talk after all. His actions are screaming at me right now.
The elevator dings, pulling us apart as I look out my open door.
Bernard steps off with a package in his hand. He gives us a knowing smile as we step apart. “This came for you today, Miss Howard.”
“Thank you, Bernard. I appreciate you bringing it up for me,” I tell him.
“Anytime. Good to see you two together like this. I’m here for it.”
He steps back into the elevator as I blush. I can’t believe he caught us making out.
Stepping into my apartment, I smile when Max closes and locks the door. When I get to the kitchen, I grab scissors to open the package.
When it opens, my eyes widen.
It is a whole care package from Astor Conglomerate. Everything is London-themed. From my favorite focaccia bread to the custom-made Taylor Swift jacket at the market I talked about. It’s all things I discussed with the people I met and hung out with while I was there.
It is a really touching package. A great way to make someone want to join their company.
I turn and look at Max, his eyes unreadable.
I would jump at the chance to work for them if it wasn’t for him.
“So you decided then?” he asks.
I tilt my head at him. “What?”
“This looks like a welcome gift. You are really going to go work for our competitor?”
My heart drops.
“How did you know about it?” I ask, unsure what is even happening right now.
Two minutes ago, I was on cloud nine kissing the man I am in love with.
Now I am staring at a very angry- and hurt-looking Max with guilt weighing on my heart.
“They called for a reference,” he admits, looking away from me.
“You didn’t say anything? How long ago was that?” I ask.
“A month. Maybe longer. I figured you would tell me if and when you were ready.”
I hate how hurt he looks right now. I hate that I did this to him.
“I didn’t take the job,” I tell him.
“Why not? You love London. It seems like they really want you. I mean, I see at least three of your favorite things in that box.” His tone is laced with anger.
“I do love the city, and I love when I get to go visit it because I am on business with The Williamson Group.” I let a little of my own anger start to show.
How can he sit here and act like he has a right to be angry? He has overlooked me for over a decade. He didn’t wake up until I started to look elsewhere for the things I was missing in my life. He can’t be a dick about it now.
“The fact that they sent you a box means you entertained the idea. Tell me, did you go see them when you were in London? Is that why you didn’t want me to stay?”
I won’t lie to him. I can’t.
“Yes. I met with them and heard them out. That is all. I told them I didn’t want the job.”
He shakes his head. “I wish you had told me. Did you think I was going to be mad at you?”
I suck in a breath. “No. Maybe. I don’t know. I guess I didn’t tell you because I felt guilty. You gave me this job. You let me grow into the person I am. I didn’t want to let you down.”
“You could never, Iris.” He reaches out, cupping my cheek. “I am hurt that you didn’t think you could tell me, but I can put that behind me. Please tell me you are going to tell them no.”
I look up at Max, tears in my eyes. “I did tell them no. They asked me to consider it for another week.”
“Please don’t leave,” he whispers.
“I won’t lie to you. It was enticing. They offered me a job I actually want to do.
I love working with you, Max, but I am not overly excited about the job I do daily.
I took this job because it is where you needed me.
I don’t want to be CFO for the rest of my life.
I am good with numbers, but it doesn’t mean I want to work with them.
Then lately it feels like we aren’t even a team anymore.
I don’t know where I stand with you or the company. I feel like I’ve been in limbo.”
He frowns. “I never want you to feel like that. If you want a different job, name it. It’s yours. If you feel left out, ask me. I’ll tell you. I don’t want you to feel separate from me.”
I blink back the tears in my eyes. “I am having a hard time trusting this, Max.”
He looks at me confused. “Trusting what? Me?”
“You. This. Whatever is going on. I have been here for over ten years. I have loved you for God knows how many of them. Now I decide that I need to move on, and I feel like you turned around and decided you didn’t want to lose your favorite toy.
I want to believe that maybe you had felt the same all these years, but with Clint and now with this job, I feel like you are offering me everything a little too late.
I didn’t plan to leave, but I was tempted.
Maybe that is saying something. Maybe I do really need a change. ”
He swallows hard. “I don’t see you as a toy. I never have. My feelings for you have been there, buried under years of friendship. I swear.”
“I don’t know what to believe anymore,” I tell him, tears in my eyes.
It’s the truth.
I don’t know if I can trust my feelings anymore.
MAX
I’m losing her.
I’m watching her slip through my fingers with every tear falling down her face right now. I really fucked all of this up. She is going to leave, and there isn’t anything I can do about it.
I thought I was doing the right thing, but now I realize I alienated her from me.
How could I not see she was so unhappy all these years? I knew she didn’t dream of being CFO, but she seemed happy to take the position. She never really talked about what she wanted to do for the rest of her life. She’s always just been there.
Maybe that’s the problem. I always thought she would be there.
I need to lay it all bare for her. Let her know the truth of my feelings. How they have lived in me since the day I met her in that coffee shop over ten years ago. How I have questioned hiring her that day instead of asking her to go out with me.
Where would we be if I had made a different choice? Would she be married to me right now? Would we have our own little children running around?
I have no way of knowing because I made the choice I did, and it led us here. I can’t lose her. I refuse to let her go without a fight.
I drop to my knees in front of her, gripping her hips as I press my face into her stomach.
“Please don’t leave me. Don’t date anymore. Don’t take the job. Choose me. Please. I know I fucked up. I always fuck up. I don’t know how to do any of this. I don’t date. I don’t know how to make the woman I love know that I love her. I am doing my best. I am doing everything for you. Please.”
She sucks in a breath. “I don’t even know what that means.
What have you done for me? What is going on?
This is part of the problem. You have been keeping secrets, and I have too.
This isn’t us. This isn’t how it was supposed to be.
We are best friends. We should know everything.
Especially if we are going to venture into something more than friends, but instead we retreated.
We aren’t being open and honest. How can anything last when we can’t even tell each other the truth? ”
Pulling back, I look up into her face.
I fucked up. I should have told her before now. I thought she would be happy, but she’s not. She’s going to be hurt, and I can’t stop it.
I made the wrong decision, and I can’t change it.
I need to tell her the truth.
“We are moving the company to Boston. We are moving back home.”
Her tears come faster as she starts to sob.
“Please. I wanted to surprise you. I didn’t want you to get your hopes up in case I couldn’t make it happen. I didn’t want to hurt you.”
“But you did,” she sobs. “You kept that from me. I could have helped you prepare. I could have been a support for you. You spent over a month conducting interviews and lying to me. You kept me in the dark. This isn’t some small thing.
This change will affect my whole life. I could have taken that London job, not knowing that I could have had a chance to go home.
I don’t know if I even want to work for you anymore. How can I? All the trust is gone.”
“Please, Iris. I did it for you. For us. I saw how unhappy you are here. I wanted to bring you back home.”
She lets her head fall to her chest as I hug her legs to me. My own tears fill my eyes as she sobs.
This isn’t how this was supposed to go. This was supposed to be a happy thing. Now it’s another reason for her to want to leave me.
“I can’t do this, Max. I don’t want to do this anymore.”
“Please don’t do this. Don’t leave me,” I beg, my pride long gone.
I would do anything to keep her.
“I wish it was that simple. I need to process all of this, and I need to do it alone. I need you to leave, Max.”
“I don’t want to leave you like this,” I admit.
“It’s not about what you want.” She sucks in a breath. “It’s about what I need.”
She’s right. Of course she’s right.
I hug her to me, hating that my tears are staining her blouse. Then I stand in front of her. I cup her cheek, kissing her forehead. “I love you, Iris. I always have and always will. You are the only woman I have truly loved.”
Without another word, I leave her behind, locking the door behind me.
I hate how today turned out. I was so excited to come over and tell her we were going home. Now I see that I made a mistake. I should have told her a long time ago.
Hindsight is always twenty-twenty. Sometimes I hate that I can’t always understand social things. I should have told her when everyone else told me to. I was too far in my head to see the truth.
I kept it a secret for me. I was scared that I would lose her. It’s the same reason I never told her how I felt.
Sure, the first year or two it was inappropriate, but when she became equal with me, I could have stepped forward, but I let fear rule me. I pushed the feelings away.
Now she’s sobbing in her apartment, alone, while I stand outside wondering where the fuck I went wrong. How could I have fucked it up so badly? I missed too many signs, and now I really dug myself a hole.
I have no idea where to go from here. How do I salvage this?
Because one thing is for sure, I am going to fight for her. I might have really messed things up, but I won’t let her go so easily.
I only hope it’s not too late to get her back.