Chapter 14
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
CATALINA
What the fuck was I thinking?
I stood against the wall for a long time after Cruz left, trying to get my head around what just happened. I let him touch me. I let him get me off. Had I completely lost my fucking mind?
Yeah, I wanted him, but the last person I should have even been alone with was Cruz Brewer. The man was the definition of alphahole. Sex on legs, or in this case skates.
"It was just an orgasm," I whispered to myself. It was purely physical. Just two people giving in to lust.
I walked over to the sink and splashed water on my face. I looked up at my reflection as droplets slid down my skin and back into the sink.
It was more than two people giving in to lust. It was me giving in to him and his oversized ego.
"Fuck." I watched my lips move as I said the word. Still red from kissing him. What little mascara I wore would have made tracks down my face if it wasn't waterproof. I suspected he would have enjoyed that.
He'd pulled the hairband out of my hair and made it messy. That was exactly what he wanted. He wanted people to know what happened here, even if it meant thinking we fucked.
I searched around for my hairband, but couldn't see it anywhere. It wasn't lying on the tiles, or scrunched up in the corner. Had he taken it with him as some kind of trophy? He was fucked up enough to think it gave him some kind of victory over me.
He'd think that about getting me off, but I had to show him that wasn't the case.
I carefully rinsed my face and patted it dry with a piece of paper towel.
My hairbrush was in my car, along with my bag, so I combed out my hair with my fingers and patted it back into place.
By the time I was finished, I looked more or less put back together.
My clothes were neat and the red had faded from my cheeks and mouth.
Back straight, I pulled the locker room door open and stepped out into the rink.
The rest of the team had appeared from the men's locker room and were getting ready to go out onto the ice.
Cruz stood with Easton and Dean, looking smug as fuck.
He caught my eye as I went to walk past. He slipped a couple of fingers into his mouth, sucked on them for a few moments, then pulled his glove on over his hand.
My face immediately heated, making him chuckle.
Easton grimaced at him. He clearly knew what went down, or had a fair idea.
Dean glanced at them both like he didn't approve of either of them. Was he envious he wasn't the one who got me off? If he was the lesser of several evils, maybe I should have let him.
I lifted my chin and walked past them. Past Shaw, whose eyes followed me all the way, expression heavy with judgement.
I was busy judging myself too.
Whispers and gazes followed me all the way out the door. I felt as though they clung to me while I got into my car and tied my hair back in a ponytail with a fresh hairband.
I had a late shift at the clinic today, so I started the car and drove to the other side of town.
I pulled into a parking spot ten or fifteen minutes later. Grabbing my bag off the seat, I headed into Eden's florist shop.
I found my purple-haired friend standing at the kitchenette, making herself coffee. She took one look at me and grabbed another mug to make me tea.
I stepped into a chair and sat and waited.
She handed me my drink and sat beside me.
We sipped in silence for a minute or two.
"I let Cruz Brewer give me an orgasm," I said finally.
Her eyes widened. She nodded, making no judgement of me. Yet. "How do you feel about that?"
"I don't know," I admitted. "If he wasn't such a prick…"
"What would you do if he wasn't?" she asked.
"That's like asking if I'd live on the sun if it wasn't so hot," I said. "I mean, it is, so it's not even a question."
She set her coffee aside. "You're attracted to him, right?
"Like a moth to a flame," I said bitterly.
"Same with Easton. Dean seems nice enough, but he's probably an asshole too.
I know Shaw hates my guts. The rest of the team too, probably.
At the end of the day, it comes back to the fact I should stay away from any hockey players. They seem to be bad for me."
"The lure of forbidden fruit?" she suggested.
"More like a flower that looks pretty, but will kill you if you touch its petals," I said. "Why am I attracted to guys who are bad for me?"
She smiled. "Isn't that the age-old question?
There's something about bad boys that girls like us can't seem to resist. But you know, there's nothing wrong with having a physical relationship with anyone as long as it's consensual.
So what if you sleep together? If you have boundaries and stay in them, then where's the harm? "
"Are you saying I should let Cruz keep giving me orgasms? Even if we hate each other?"
"I'm saying you shouldn't feel guilty for fucking anyone if that's what you and your body want to do," Eden said.
"I guess so," I said slowly.
She picked up her coffee and took another sip. "I can't condone his behaviour, or that of Easton Grant, but I wouldn't be much of a friend if I told you you did the wrong thing on the spur of the moment."
"But you think I did," I said. "You wouldn't touch either of them with a forty foot bargepole?"
"Yes I would," she replied. "That would be just long enough to smack some sense into both of them at the same time."
I laughed.
"Do you want me to tell you to stay as far away from them as you can?" she asked. "Because I can totally do that.”
"You're not surprised by what happened?" I asked.
"I've seen the attraction between you and those guys," she said slowly. "If I was you, I'd fuck their brains out and enjoy every minute of it. But be careful."
"When am I not careful?" I asked. "Apart from approximately an hour ago. And making that bet with Easton. And following through with it."
I groaned and rubbed my temples with my thumb and fingertips. "I'm starting to think I should ask you to insist I stay away from them. Those guys are good at clouding my judgement." And making me think with my clit.
"If you ever feel like you're about to do something you shouldn't, you know you can always call me and I'll talk you out of it," she said. "Or Marley will."
"Marley is more likely to talk me into it," I said.
Eden laughed. "You're right, yes she is. She likes to live spontaneously."
"She'd definitely fuck their brains out. While they were insulting her," I said. Which brought me back to something else. "Cruz wasn't sorry about posting the video online."
The expression on his face when he talked about it, he'd shown no remorse at all.
I didn't mind making people laugh, but having everyone see me crash out when I was trying to prove myself to the whole team?
That was embarrassing. I shouldn't have tried so hard.
Maybe I deserved to have him post that video.
"Would you be sorry if you posted a video of him online?" Eden asked.
"I wouldn't do it in the first place," I said. "He really is the last guy I should be getting involved with."
"But you still want to screw him?" Eden asked.
"How fucked up that is?" I grimaced. I'd like to say I made good choices, but I was starting to develop a pattern of being attracted to the wrong kind of guy. First Jason, and now them. Was I some kind of asshole magnet? That would be just my luck.
"He's done some shitty things, but I think deep down, he's a decent guy," she said. "What did Easton say about all of this?"
"I didn't get a chance to talk to him," I admitted.
"I got caught up with Cruz." My face heated again.
"You really think there's a good side to Cruz Brewer?
" If there was, I hadn't seen it. Not really.
His loyalty to his team and his teammates was obvious, but loyalty was only one positive trait.
It wasn't enough to balance out the rest. Not even that orgasm was enough to do that.
"I think you wouldn't have let him touch you if you didn't see something in him," Eden said. "Just like you wouldn't have gone out with Easton. We all say and do stupid things from time to time. The guys are very passionate about their team and that makes them territorial."
"And they think I'm trying to muscle in on their territory," I concluded.
"I'm not going to back off." Even if I could, my pride and stubbornness wouldn't let me.
I didn't need to beat the guys, just stand up to them.
I wouldn't let them snap me like one of Eden's flower stems. I couldn't let them get under my skin any more than they already had.
"I wouldn't ask you to," she said. "Once they realise you're not competition, they might stop being assholes." She looked at me sideways. "What happens then?"
"I have no idea," I said. "I'm not going to try to change any man, but if they decide to stop flexing their muscles and being pricks…
" I couldn't finish that. It was a fine line between hate and lust, but as far as I was concerned, it was a very solid, high wall between hate and love. Or even between hate and like.
"I might hate them less," I said finally.
She smiled. "That might be the best anyone can hope for."
I finished the last of my tea and placed my empty cup on the table.
"Thank you for letting me get that off my chest." I would have driven myself crazy dwelling on it all day.
I didn't even feel bad telling her about it.
Not when it was obvious Cruz did the same thing.
And Easton too. At least I wasn't bragging.
Looking back, I should have walked out of the rink with my hair and clothes a mess and owned every moment of it. I had nothing to be ashamed of.
She leaned over to hug me. "Was it a good orgasm?"
I exhaled. "It was incredible. He definitely knows what he's doing with his hands."
Even now, my body ached for more. I wanted to feel his cock inside me, pounding as hard as his hips could thrust. Filling me all the way until I felt so good I forgot my own name.
"I love that for you," she said. "Should we stop glaring at him every time we see him?"
"Oh no, keep glaring," I said with a laugh. "He can take it."
She laughed too. "I noticed that about him. He can dish out shit, but he can take it too. That's more than I can say for a lot of people."
"Yeah." I hated him slightly less than I had. I was definitely going to have to be careful around him. The last thing I needed was to fall for Cruz Brewer.