June’s Entry
June’s Entry
Place: Gas station
Zaria,
Yeah, I’m at the gas station. I’ve been sitting here contemplating if I’m going to hit this corner and pick up this girl you were so gracious enough to accept into our lives.
As I sit here and think about it, I realized it’s one of the things I love about you.
Your heart is so fucking pure that sometimes a nigga doesn’t feel deserving.
The love you give is something I cannot see myself ever giving up.
Hell, you can say I’m obsessed at this point.
Your nurturing ways make you a perfect mother, which I know you will be for our child.
You are the definition of a strong woman, and I don’t take any of that for granted.
You are the perfect lioness to this lion.
You not only have a protective instinct, but your loyalty to a nigga like me is unmatched.
It's crazy because everything that you are, I thought my mother would be, but I guess I would never know. This may not be news to you, but it’s something I need to get off my chest. A nigga has mommy issues, and it fucks with me every day because that very thing is something I fight with.
That very thing can affect how a relationship goes, and although you said I do, I don’t want to project that onto what we have, and if I did, Z, baby, forgive me.
Every day I wake up and try to be better than I was yesterday. I’m trying to find pieces of myself daily and put them together so that each time I present myself to you, a nigga is stepping forward whole and not broken.
What’s a broken man to a woman standing in her confidence?
Not a fucking thing. What’s a broken man to a house where love feels one-sided?
Not a fucking thing. What’s a broken man to a woman who is doing her best to make sure he doesn’t feel less than a man?
He’s a coward, and I may be many things, baby, but coward has never been one of them.
So, whatever it takes to keep our love flowing purely, I will do. Even if that means picking up this random-ass girl Dio sent here. You know, Z, Dio may be the one. Him doing something so noble as trying to save this girl reminds me of the girl I saved and fell in love with.
These letters are becoming kind of therapeutic and shit.
However, because I do not know what the future holds for a nigga like me, I have to keep going so you will have a memory for every day you might have to be without me.
You are the mother of my unborn child, you are the beat to my heart, you are the vegan queen I thought I would never find, you are my soul, you are my fucking wife, and I love you beyond this universe and into Calloverse, Z.
Signed,
Mr. Fucking Calloway
P.S. Does this mean we’re about to be parents before being parents or some shit? The last thing I need is to get attached to someone else.