Chapter 9 #2
“I should read, sir, and sew, and write my letters, and enjoy being alone and mistress of my own house. Which brings me to my next demand. I will be as frugal as you wish, and cross my letters and turn the sheets, but I would like a special allowance for books. Five pounds a year, sir, if you please.”
Books would keep her well away from Jem and I was inclined to agree, but I recalled some of the reading material I had seen about the place at Longbourn. “But you must not read anything a rector’s wife should not read.”
She shook her head. “I must be allowed to choose freely, but if I buy any volumes that could be considered unsuitable, I will keep them in plain covers and hide them behind other books and never speak of them.”
This seemed fair, and sensible. “Very well. What else?”
“Nothing else.”
“Nothing?”
“I hope you will allow me to visit my family sometimes?”
“Of course! You must visit them as often as you like.”
She nodded. Her colour was high but she looked determined. “Very well then, sir. I have said everything I have to say. It remains only for you to ask me—you know—the question, if you wish to do so.”
“Yes. But first, may I ask you—not because it will change matters, but simply because I am curious—Miss Elizabeth is your friend, is she not? Will it not cause difficulties between you, if you accept a suitor she has rejected?”
She took a deep breath. “Difficulties? I would not go so far as to use that word, sir. She will be surprised, it is true, but she is young and beautiful and still hopes to marry for love. She does not dwell overmuch on the practicalities of life, as I must.” She paused, then said, in a rush, “And while she is my friend, my dear friend, it was not ever thus. She is seven years my junior. Once, I had friends my own age. Three of them. But they are all married now, and two have gone away and one has five children and I see her very seldom. I made friends with Jane and Lizzie when I was twenty and they were girls of thirteen and fourteen, because otherwise I should have had no one outside of my own family to talk to. Perhaps you have little conception, sir, of what it is to be a young woman who sees her friends married about her while she remains unwed. But that is what happened to me.”
She wiped away a tear. I was terrified she would start weeping, and had she done so I might have retreated in confusion, but instead she shrugged and gave a half-laugh, as if to say ‘you see what fools life makes of us?’
She was, of course, nothing like Jem. She was narrow where he was broad, slight where he loomed. She spoke very differently and had the dainty mannerisms of a female of her class. But all the same, at that moment there was something about her that reminded me of him.
Perhaps it was her honesty, which was quite without self-pity, perhaps her air of diffidence, which I guessed cloaked an unconventionality of outlook so well that it would go unnoticed by all but the closest observer.
Some of my nervousness fell away and, perhaps for the first time during this whole adventure, I could truly see a future in which all would be well between me and the three most important people in my life, to wit, Jem, Lady Catherine, and my future wife.
“Miss Lucas, I should like to make myself clear: I have set out my stipulations and you have set out yours and all has been agreed, but I…well…I suppose I should also like us to be as…as friends, if that would be possible. We shall have to appear as husband and wife in public, of course, but privately, also. My household is quiet and harmonious and I like it that way. I hope that just because I have set down some rules, you will not feel that I will ever treat you with anything less than the most tender civility and generosity. I want you to live in contentment, truly, I do.”
“Thank you, sir.” She curtseyed. “It’s kind of you to say so, and I’m sure we will be friends.”
“Good,” I said. “Then we shall all be happy.”
She smiled for the first time that morning, her tired face suddenly appearing lighter and younger. “Do you know, sir, I think we will be.”
I found myself imagining the ruminations she must have been prey to during the long watches of the previous night.
After all, had I been a different sort of man, I might have made all kinds of difficulties for her.
I might have carried report of her behaviour to her father, or to Mrs Bennet.
I might have got up this morning and gone to say a few stern words about her conduct to her vicar.
Or, last night, I might have gone into Meryton and entered the inn that was frequented by the militia officers and made her into a figure of fun with them.
She would have certainly considered these sorts of possibilities herself, and yet she had still acted.
She was admirable, really, to have been so bold.
“And I should like to acknowledge, Miss Lucas, that you have been most uncommonly brave these past couple of days. Not many young women would have been courageous enough to say to me what you have said. You took a risk, did you not?”
“I did, sir.” She smiled again, and I thought I could see true warmth in her eyes.
“But it was a calculated one. I feel I may now tell you that I have watched you very carefully this past fortnight, and it soon became obvious to me that, if left to yourself, you would never behave in a mean or ungentlemanly manner. You might have been shocked at my proposal, and you might have refused to speak with me, but I think, in the end, you would not have made trouble for me and would simply have gone home. You dislike strife and confrontation, I believe.”
“That is true,” I said.
“And, moreover,” she went on, still smiling, “I have another confession to make. It is this: I questioned the Longbourn servants about your habits and behaviours. Yes, I spoke with young Molly. And Mrs Hill. And with John, the gardener. You will be happy to hear that all gave excellent reports of your thoughtfulness and interest and politeness. And I do believe, sir, that it is in how a man conducts himself with people of that type that one may judge him best. No, my risk was not so great.”
I asked her, then, to marry me.
She accepted.
We shook hands to seal the bargain and after a few more words about how we should arrange matters and how we should conduct ourselves, we parted.