Chapter 17
Chapter Seventeen
Elizabeth appreciated being in control of her time again.
She found the attic studio to be sufficient for her art, the pianoforte to sound nearly as rich as the Hursts’ instrument, and her young cousins’ attention to be more rewarding than Caroline’s.
She had allowed herself to be enveloped by Caroline for more than three months.
What started with helping her deal with her father’s loss had somehow made Elizabeth lose a bit of herself.
Although even then she had spent more than half of her days with the Gardiner family, those days held the remaining studies she had eliminated from her time with Caroline.
She could breathe easier now in the knowledge that she could play with her cousins, help her aunt plan meals, discuss current events with her uncle, and still have time for her lessons.
In March, a fortnight after Elizabeth’s sixteenth birthday, Jane came to stay in the room next to hers.
Elizabeth had been anxious to make a good impression, hoping to be friends with her cousin again.
Jane had acknowledged her but showed no particular interest in seeing her.
It was the same at Christmas, but Elizabeth had thought Jane would want a friend in London.
As it turned out, Jane soon had many friends.
Aunt and Uncle Gardiner had agreed to chaperone her this Season, so they went out with her several nights each week, and Aunt took Jane on calls or received them most every day.
Elizabeth stayed in her bedchamber or the nursery or her attic studio during these calls.
The attic light was best not only for painting but for embroidery and reading, as well, with a view over the low supplementary sections of Leadenhall Market rather than the tall grey buildings blocking the sun’s rays into her bedchamber.
When her masters came, she studied in a back parlor with Dinah, as usual.
Elizabeth was satisfied that she had plenty to do. She did not feel any more alone than she had a year before.
But why did Jane not wish to be friends?
Elizabeth invited her to the park with the children, offered to embroider her gowns, asked her what books she had read recently.
Nothing got Jane to speak with her. It was too cold to go out, she had a modiste making her gowns, and she did not recall the last book she read.
Jane was not unkind. She was merely there.
Jane wrote letters to her parents, received responses from her mama, answered invitations and planned her evenings with her aunt, and she could not think of a thing to tell Elizabeth when questioned about the event she had attended the evening before beyond, “It was pleasant.”
On a Saturday afternoon nearly a month after Jane’s arrival, Elizabeth was unsettled to receive a note from Caroline.
She had completed her education and was back at the Hursts’ home to stay as of that morning.
She was officially out of mourning about a week earlier, and she wanted Elizabeth to come spend Monday afternoon with her to help her decide which invitations to accept and see the new gowns Mrs. Hurst had ordered for her.
Elizabeth had no interest in sifting through announcements for events she would not attend, but Caroline had invited her almost as soon as she arrived home, so perhaps she should go.
Caroline had written to her only a few times in the three months since they had parted, but she had not dropped the friendship.
Perhaps Elizabeth’s indecision could interest Jane in having a conversation with her. Maybe if Jane felt Elizabeth needed her, they could become close again. Her cousin was resting now before going to a card party at the home of one of Aunt Gardiner’s friends, but Elizabeth would talk to her later.
Elizabeth reclined on her bed and read a book until she heard movement in the next room. Giving Jane a few more minutes to ensure she was awake, Elizabeth went and softly knocked on her door.
Jane opened the door, saw who it was, and began to close it again as she said, “I need to get ready, Lizzy.”
“I need your help.” Elizabeth had been about to offer to help Jane prepare for her evening when she remembered Jane had not welcomed her assistance all month.
Jane opened her door and stepped back to allow Elizabeth entrance. The younger girl was stunned.
“Is something wrong, Lizzy? What do you need?” Jane asked when Elizabeth said no more.
“Do you remember my telling you about Caroline Bingley?”
Jane’s eyes lit up in recognition. “Yes. You met her family last year and became friends.”
“Right, but she started treating me badly when I returned to London after Christmas. We did not have a falling out, but she became rude before she returned to school in January.”
“I am sorry, Lizzy,” Jane said.
For a moment, Elizabeth thought Jane was apologizing for her own behavior; she had only now realized Caroline sometimes behaved in a similar manner to the way Jane had acted for the past several years. When Jane spoke again though, Elizabeth knew she was not conscious of her own conduct.
“Did you drop the acquaintance after she left for school? Could you make amends?”
Elizabeth wondered whether this had been a good idea. How could she accept any advice Jane gave her if she could not even see what she herself had done to Elizabeth? But Jane was finally speaking to her more than she had in years.
“I did not drop her, but I wrote to her only in reply to her letters. I was surprised to receive an invitation from her today.”
“That is wonderful, Lizzy. I am happy for you. Miss Bingley must be sorry for the way she acted and wants to be friendly again. Likely she was merely overwhelmed with school. When will you go see her?”
“You think I should go, then?” Elizabeth could still ask her aunt for advice.
She understood better than Jane did how Caroline had taken over too much of Elizabeth’s life.
But, Elizabeth realized, she now understood it, too, and she could maintain control this time.
She was allowed to have a life outside of her friend.
“Of course you should go, Lizzy. She invited you. Do not be unforgiving when she has offered to change.”
“She did not offer to change at all, Jane. She asked me to come look at her new gowns and help her sort her correspondence.”
“Oh, that sounds like a charming afternoon.”
“Does it, Jane? Perhaps you should come with me, then.” Elizabeth offered it like a threat, but Jane was overjoyed.
“Could I? I think you said your friend is older than you, but how old is she?”
“Seventeen. She will be eighteen in August.”
“Nearer to my age, then. Will you send her a note and ask if I may join you?
“I…suppose I could.”
“Oh, thank you, Lizzy!”
Elizabeth left her cousin’s room confused and with two questions. First, why did Jane wish so strongly to meet Caroline? And second, could this be the way to become close to her cousin again?
Caroline was delighted to meet Jane and heaped praise upon her beauty, her gown, her hairstyle.
Elizabeth felt superfluous after the initial greetings.
She attempted unsuccessfully to insert herself several times into the conversation—asking about Caroline’s seminary and her upcoming balls, offering to add fancy work to a gown—before asking to be excused to play the pianoforte.
“Oh, do! Leave the door open so we may hear you play,” Caroline said.
Elizabeth found herself playing louder than the piece demanded to drown out the chatter and giggles from Caroline’s room upstairs.
“Lizzy! I thought I recognized your dulcet tones,” Charles said, coming through the doorway.
“I apologize, Charles,” she said, forcing herself to play more piano than forte.
“It is good to see you, Lizzy! It has been too long. I have been home from Oxford a month, and this is the first you have been here, if I am not mistaken.” Charles appeared as cheerful as always, and Elizabeth could not help but return his smile.
“I could hardly come visit you!” Elizabeth laughed. “Caroline invited me to come today.”
“Who is upstairs? I hear someone with her.” Charles turned to hear better.
“That is my cousin Jane,” Elizabeth said slowly.
Her heart dropped as she realized she would now lose Charles’s attention as surely as she had lost Caroline’s.
And if Mr. Darcy were to visit, he would be lost in her beauty, as well.
Elizabeth had only ever had thoughts of friendship toward Charles and hoped he would still speak to her, but something about Mr. Darcy falling for Jane bothered her more for some reason.
“Would you like to meet her?” she asked, not wishing to prolong the inevitable.
“If she is as amusing as you are, I should be delighted,” he grinned.
“I shall go up to see if they will be pulled away from their talk of gowns,” Elizabeth said, rising from the bench.
“Excellent. I will speak with Hurst and return in a quarter of an hour. Perhaps Caroline would like to call for tea,” he suggested.
Elizabeth did not know Jane any longer. She had not known her intimate thoughts or dreams in nearly six years.
Still, her cousin surprised her. She walked into Caroline’s room to see Jane wearing one of Caroline’s fine new gowns for the Season.
A maid was finishing an elaborate hairstyle.
Jane stood and looked ready for a ball. Elizabeth had not noticed before that Jane and Caroline were practically the same height.
Jane was more willowy, but the gown fit her well.
“You look stunning, Jane,” she said.
“Thank you, Lizzy. You should dress up, as well.” Jane looked at an assortment of gowns laid out on Caroline’s bed.
“Nothing will fit Eliza,” Caroline said. “She is far too short and would trip as she walked. And her bosom is not large enough to fill these gowns.”
Elizabeth had already surmised as much, but she did not like to hear it spoken.
“Regardless, I have been requested to summon you both. Charles wishes to drink tea with us,” she said.