Chapter 20
Chapter Twenty
The next day, however, London received a downpour worthy of January. Uncle Gardiner sent a note to Mr. Darcy indicating Elizabeth and her aunt would meet him outside the Tower of London entrance the following day, instead, if ten o’clock Friday morning would suit and the rain ceased.
Elizabeth was disappointed, knowing the rain may very well continue and the menagerie scheme may come to nothing.
She could go with her aunt or uncle another time now that she knew of the existence of the place.
But to have no more chance of seeing Mr. Darcy before he left town?
Her dejection at the possibility told her she cared for the man far more than she should.
She had liked him in January, but she had not wondered before whether he could ever care for her.
She had been honest with Caroline the day before—not when she said she had no interest in Mr. Darcy but when she conceded she had no chance of attracting his regard.
She would get older, and their age difference would come to mean little.
Her birth, however, could never change. Her illegitimacy could never be overlooked.
With a resigned sigh, she acknowledged that his lack of interest in courting her at least meant she would not have to disclose the full truth to him.
As long as they went on as friends on the rare occasions they might continue to see each other in town, he could believe whatever he did now.
And it could be of little harm to privately reflect on his dancing eyes, strong jaw, broad shoulders, and impressive knowledge.
His kindness and patience were also in his favor.
“What are you sighing about, Lizzy? Are you upset about your entertainment being canceled?”
Elizabeth shot up from where she had been reclining in the window seat. She felt her cheeks heat as she nodded to her cousin, who had entered the drawing room silently.
“You will surely see the animals some other day.”
“Yes. How was the ball last night, Jane?” Elizabeth resumed her seat.
It was her cousin’s turn to sigh dreamily. “Mr. Bingley danced two sets with me. He is everything a young man ought to be. I do not know how I will bear it when we must part tomorrow.”
“Has he…that is, has he spoken of…” Jane had still shared little with her since their argument, so Elizabeth was surprised she had said so much already.
“Of marriage? No, not yet. As you said, we are both young. He has told me what you did, that he has some time yet at university. He did ask me if I would return to London, though.”
“That is promising. What did you tell him?”
“I had already written to Mama, and she has said I may come back at any time, though certainly next spring will be the most convenient. I will correspond with Caroline this year, and she will inform me of her brother’s school holidays.”
“And you have met no other gentlemen in London who have interested you?”
“Not like Mr. Bingley has. I do hope he will remember me when I have gone. He will see so many fine London ladies while I am in the country.”
“Not so many,” Elizabeth laughed. “He will be safely out of the way at Oxford for most of the year, after all. And when he has his next term break, most people of fashion will have decamped for the country.”
Jane hummed her agreement.
“What did you mean, Jane,” Elizabeth asked hesitantly, “when you said last week that you have been lonely? Did you mean here in London or at Longbourn?”
Jane’s dreamy eyes clouded, and her gaze skittered over Elizabeth’s face and landed on the cushion beside her. She sat next to her and took her hand. Startled, Elizabeth nearly pulled away but caught herself in time.
“I am sorry I said that, Lizzy. It must have sounded heartless. You have been far more alone than I have ever been.”
The corners of Elizabeth’s eyes began to burn, and she willed herself not to cry. One small acknowledgment that the younger girl had feelings should not undo her.
“You are correct that I have never had to face solitude. I have always had the companionship of my sisters and friends and parents. Do you remember Charlotte Lucas? She has become a close friend, and she has helped me to understand that I did not treat you well while you were at home.”
Elizabeth’s jaw dropped, but she hurried to hide signs of her astonishment.
“I knew it was not right. You were always so brave, though, taking charge of your own life even though you have no parents and my mother was unkind to you. I have never been strong enough to do or say anything against my mother, even when it meant losing your friendship, Lizzy.”
Jane was squeezing her fingers painfully now, but that did not explain the tear Elizabeth felt fall; she wiped it away with her other hand.
“When I said I was lonely, I did not mean I have felt the lack of numerous constant companions. Even when I first arrived in London last month, I was content in my close relationship with Aunt and Uncle, who you must remember I stayed with for several months a few years ago. They quickly introduced me to young women here, and I have never felt any lack of friends with one exception.”
Elizabeth did not allow herself to hope and held herself rigid as Jane continued.
“I have missed you so much, Lizzy. Do you remember how close we were as children? Do you know how alone I felt when I had to come out in society without you? Of course you would not have entered society at the same time, but you were not even permitted to help me select gowns and ribbons. Kitty and Lydia are basking in the glow of Mary’s upcoming introduction to Meryton assemblies, and they are younger than you were when I came out.
I have had friends, it is true, but I have not had my best friend, Lizzy. I have not had you.”
“Oh, Jane! Surely you could have given me some sign that you did not hate me for all those years. Since I was ten years of age, you have scarcely seemed to notice I exist.”
Jane hung her head and let go of Elizabeth’s hand.
“You must hate me now, and I do understand if you cannot forgive me. I only wanted to apologize and to tell you that I know I was wrong. I think…I will do better from now on. Even if we cannot be friends again, I will no longer ignore you or abuse you.”
Before Elizabeth could recover from her surprise and grasp her cousin’s hand again, Jane was gone, leaving much to consider.
Friday morning dawned bright, and Elizabeth excitedly went to ask Jane to reconsider her decision about the menagerie.
Her cousin was far too tired, however. Although the rain had continued the evening before, it had lessened, so Jane had gone with Aunt Gardiner to a late card party she knew the Bingleys and several of her other friends would attend.
It was only as Elizabeth began to prepare for the day that she thought how awkward it might be to explore the menagerie with only her aunt and Mr. Darcy.
She wished her uncle had been available if Jane would not go.
Instead, she asked her aunt if four-and-a-half-year-old Amanda might be allowed to join them and was relieved at the affirmative reply.
Mr. Darcy, in his finely cut coat and tall hat, was tapping his walking stick on the pavement in front of him when the Gardiner carriage pulled up a few minutes before ten.
He was scanning the area so noticed Elizabeth as soon as Matthew handed her down.
His grave demeanor did not change, but he approached and bowed once they had turned to face him.
“Miss Elizabeth. I hope you are well.”
“Yes, of course. Thank you for coming today. May I introduce my aunt, Mrs. Gardiner, to you?”
“Ma’am,” he bowed.
“Aunt, this is Mr. Darcy, Mr. Bingley’s friend.”
“Thank you for suggesting this excursion, Mr. Darcy. I should have thought myself to bring Lizzy here last year.”
“Today is as good a day as any, ma’am. Miss Elizabeth, would you be so kind as to introduce me to this fine young woman?”
“Oh,” Elizabeth laughed. “This is my cousin Amanda Gardiner.”
“Mandy!” the girl corrected.
Mr. Darcy crouched to her level and extended a hand for her to shake. “It is a pleasure to meet you, Miss Mandy Gardiner. Do you like lions and bears?”