Chapter 23 #3
Darcy sat on his sister’s bed as he read Elizabeth’s note again and again.
She could have written it to him. Their time together had not always been cheerful, but the good far outweighed the bad for him.
Had it for her, despite his cruelty? Their book, too, had been closed before they could finish it.
When he saw a tear fall on his hand where it gripped the open book, his thumb holding the note in place, he closed the book in shock.
He wiped a few more tears from his cheeks and hastily left the room.
It was not until he had reached his own bedchamber that he realized he had brought the book with him.
He hesitated only a moment before going to his writing table and copying Elizabeth’s words out.
He would keep the book and original note until his sister asked for it, but after that, he would have her note in his own hand.
He could not take the original, as much as he wished to, but he would have her words.
Darcy returned Georgiana to school at the beginning of October, after grudgingly giving Elizabeth’s book and note back to her. He had memorized her handwriting before Georgiana had asked for it.
He had planned to spend only one night in London, informing no one of his presence, before returning to Pemberley to continue helping with the harvest. He would write to his uncle, or to his cousin Lord Blakely, about bringing his sister home at Christmas.
He would gladly retrieve her from his uncle’s country estate even if it meant remaining for a visit.
Perhaps in the spring he could bring himself to go back to London. Perhaps.
His plan altered only in that Richard showed up on his doorstep shortly after his arrival on the supposition that Darcy would have brought his sister to school.
Darcy would have stayed in London longer, so relieved was he to see the newly promoted and much-missed lieutenant-colonel on his return from the Peninsular War.
His cousin was also in town only briefly, however, so they spent the afternoon and evening together and parted the next morning.
Even in that short time, Richard decided that Darcy had been disappointed in love, but he knew none of the details.
As he traveled back to Derbyshire alone, Darcy breathed a sigh of relief to know he had successfully kept most of his secret from his perceptive cousin.
As the months went by and Elizabeth got to know more of the children, she realized even more how blessed she was to have a part of her past. These children would likely never know anything of their parents’ families.
Her own uncles had been like fathers to her, blessing her in all the ways she had needed over the years.
One was a gentleman related by blood; one was a tradesman, hers only by chance.
Both were good men. She also recognized she had a Father in heaven who loved her and welcomed her prayers. All three gave her strength.
When she had been a child, she had accepted Uncle Bennet’s plan for her to marry a gentleman as a matter of course.
In the past couple of years, however, she had thought it an impossible demand.
Now she knew she wanted only love and acceptance—and marriage.
She would never be the means of placing another child in her own position.
If a kindness such as she had thought she had seen in Mr. Darcy could turn so quickly to scorn at the first hint of her less-savory sphere, she wanted nothing to do with arrogant gentlemen.
She did not wish to be a governess, as she did crave a life of love and a family of her own, but she would choose service over opening herself up to scorn again merely to fit into a society she could not respect.
She would now guard her heart well, as Uncle Bennet had cautioned her.
In keeping with her vow, Elizabeth did not return to the Hurst home that year.
She saw Miss Bingley and had civil conversations with her a few times at Gracechurch Street, but her sometimes friend was focused on Jane.
Jane extended her stay in London until Mr. Bingley returned from Oxford at the end of June, and then she was back at Longbourn a couple of weeks later.
Elizabeth saw Mr. Bingley once in early July when he called on Jane.
He had said Mr. Darcy was still at Pemberley, and he knew of no intention for him to return to London.
He thought his friend might come for the Season the following year.
While Elizabeth did not consider Miss Bingley or Mr. Darcy to be steady friends anymore, she did understand their position.
Working at the Foundling Hospital had taught her more than ever before that right or wrong though the sentiment may be, everyone had a place in which they could be comfortably accepted.
She was of a far lower social rank than Mr. Darcy or Miss Bingley.
Even if they did not know how low, even if Miss Bingley grudgingly thought Elizabeth was above her in rank as Jane was, they knew enough that she could not fully blame them for looking down on her. It was in their education, after all.
She had not forgotten the lesson Mary had recalled to her—Empress Theodora rose above her upbringing to become a great and useful woman.
Elizabeth intended to do the best she could and would not let other people define her view of herself, even if she could not control their own perceptions.
But she also recognized that her heritage was a stumbling block that would trip her over and over again.