Chapter 29 #2
When he had danced with her a second time, eight months ago, it had been an entirely selfish impulse.
He sat up, and shook his head, but the truth would not change. He did not love her. Then why did it feel as though his heart was breaking?
“From your reaction, I would say you have a decision to make. Either give her up, or fight for her.”
He could not give her up. Not yet. Perhaps not ever. But could he fight for her? What would that entail?
“If I choose to fight for her…will you support me?”
“I will support you no matter your decision.”
“I will attempt to come to a decision in the next fortnight, then.” At which time they would all go to Matlock House to spend the festive season with Richard’s family.
“If you decide to fight, my family will be your first campaign.” Richard grinned. “I like it.”
Darcy’s dreams of Elizabeth that night were not designed to bring comfort but chastisement.
Instead of her welcoming visage he was plagued by her fiery anger.
She was still alluring, but instead of entering his embrace, she turned away from him.
He found himself chasing unsuccessfully after her through the night and waking as fatigued as when he had fallen asleep.
He had been unable to focus on his sister or cousin at breakfast, but fortunately Richard took pity on him and embraced the task of conversing with Georgiana.
Before he knew what had happened, he had even asked Georgiana if she would mind riding with him that day instead of with her brother.
They had not been able to go as often lately due to the wet and cold of December, but today was dry, he noted with a glance out the window.
Darcy took the opportunity his cousin had given him to go to his study to consider his options. He listed all of the parts of himself that he had realized the night before stood in his way of loving Elizabeth as she deserved:
Father’s and Mother’s expectations (Fortune, Connections, Birth)
Lord and Lady Matlock
Lord Blakely
Lady Catherine
Society (balls, dinners, parties. Scandal)
London entertainments (White’s, Angelo’s, Jackson’s, theater, Bond Street, parks)
Bingley
Other friends
Richard
Georgiana
Overwhelmed by the weight of the expectations on his shoulders, he put the list in his desk drawer and went out for a ride. He had much to come to terms with before he could make any decisions.
Dear Lizzy,
I am so happy you will soon arrive at Longbourn.
I had thought to surprise you with my news, but Mary convinced me to tell you now.
What do you think? Charles has taken a short lease on Purvis Lodge!
He and his sisters and Mr. Hurst will come for two weeks during the festive season.
When he was here in July, we thought to be parted until April, but he has written that he is too impatient to see me again.
They will not arrive until a week after you do, so you and my aunt, uncle, and young cousins will have my full attention.
Once the Bingleys arrive, we will be much in each other’s company.
I so hope you will allow a friendship again with Charles and Caroline.
I know Louisa was also your friend before she married.
They remember fondly the days you passed in their home, and they wish to count you a friend.
I beg you will be kind and forgive any slights you feel they have inflicted.
We have been invited to several dinner parties, including one at Lucas Lodge and another at our Aunt Phillips’s home.
Of course, Mama will also host at least two or three gatherings this month, and I suspect Charles and Caroline will host us more than once.
Mary and I are delighted you will stay for the Twelfth Night Ball at Brook House.
You have always returned to London before the Thompsons’ ball in the past, but this year, we will plan our costumes and masks together.
Papa asked me to remind you that Uncle Gardiner has a commission for him.
Affectionately,
Jane
Elizabeth had thought perhaps her annual journey to Hertfordshire with the Gardiners would oust her from her doldrums. Having to converse with Miss Bingley, though, would be a trial.
This was not the year they should have arranged to go for a full three weeks.
Her uncle would have to return to his warehouse for some of the time, and perhaps they could all cut their stay short.
The day before they journeyed to Longbourn, Elizabeth visited the Foundling Hospital once more.
Afterward, she needed to make a quick trip to Bond Street to obtain necklaces Uncle Bennet had ordered for Jane and Mary.
Jane did not know she had referred to her own Christmas gift in her letter.
Normally Uncle Gardiner would have taken care of the errand, but he had many tasks to complete to leave the Emporium in good hands, and the hospital was nearly two-thirds of the way to Bond Street, as it was.
While volunteering, she did her best to focus on the children and to encourage them, but their energy cheered her less than usual. Before she departed for the day, she went to remind Mrs. Legg of her upcoming absence.
“He has given even more this year than his usual donation. Do you see?”
Elizabeth heard the voice of an administrator and heard the rustling of papers as she approached the office.
“The current Mr. Darcy is even more generous than his parents were,” Mrs. Legg said as Elizabeth raised her fist to knock on the open door. She stopped, startled by the donor’s name.
“Mr. Darcy is a donor to the Foundling Hospital?”
“One of our most benevolent supporters.” Mrs. Legg brightened as she turned toward Elizabeth.
Elizabeth cleared her throat. “Forgive my intrusion. I wanted to remind you I will be in the country again this Christmas, so I will return after Twelfth Night.”
“We will miss you, Miss Bennet. Enjoy your holiday, and we look forward to your return.”
As Elizabeth traveled to Bond Street with Dinah and Matthew, she thought of what she had learned of Mr. Darcy today.
What surprised her the most was that she thought his giving a large donation each year aligned perfectly with his character.
He had been kind to her, had noticed her needs, and had showed her compassion.
Yet he had not stood by her when he discovered something he did not like about her.
No, he had not been a true friend. She could not talk herself out of that fact.
He could be compassionate when it suited him, but he was not a kind man.
He had plenty of money to spare, but had he ever even set eyes on the children for whom he pretended to care?
Almost as soon as Matthew helped her and Dinah down from the Gardiners’ carriage, Elizabeth spotted Miss Bingley and another woman not far away. Remembering Jane’s desire that they be friendly again, she decided to try now.
She caught Miss Bingley’s eye and nodded, walking toward her.
“Miss Eliza Bennet. How do you do?”
“Very well, and you?”
“Perfectly well, I thank you. Do you know my dear friend Miss Harcombe? Sally, this is Jane’s cousin.”
Recognition came over Miss Harcombe, and Elizabeth could have sworn she had almost smirked before covering with a curtsey.
“A pleasure, Miss Harcombe. Miss Bingley, I understand you and your family will journey to Hertfordshire next week.”
“Indeed. Charles found the local village so charming when he went in July that he insisted we all go. Apparently, we will meet all your cousins and neighbors.”
Elizabeth could tell her former friend was not happy about her brother’s decision.
“This is an excellent time of year to meet many of them. Jane wrote that frequent parties are planned during our visits.”
“Yes. Oh, Miss Eliza, speaking of meeting new acquaintances.” Miss Bingley looked over Elizabeth’s shoulder, so she turned to find a man walking toward them.
“Mr. Wickham! How good to see you here,” Miss Bingley said. “You know Miss Harcombe, of course, and you may remember meeting my future sister, Jane Bennet, but have you met her cousin, Miss Eliza Bennet?”
He was quite handsome, with sandy hair and an easy smile. Elizabeth could not help but return the gesture as she curtsied.
“A pleasure, madam,” he said, bowing gallantly. “Will you allow me to join you on your errands?”