Chapter 36
Chapter Thirty-Six
Once she was satisfied that Mr. Wickham would not try to see her in again, Elizabeth’s days settled back into her familiar routine.
She continued to paint dark, wet, gloomy scenes, but she balanced this pursuit with others.
Rejoining the family group, she resumed playing the instrument and teaching her cousins new songs, and she spoke cheerfully with her aunt and uncle as she sewed.
She could tell by the looks they gave her and each other that they did not always believe her liveliness was unfeigned, but they let her deal with her feelings on her own terms. Elizabeth knew they would listen to anything she chose to tell them and would offer advice if she asked, but they had never intruded on her more than necessary.
A week after her uncle had declared her safe from Mr. Wickham, she sat downstairs again with her aunt, sewing for the hospital. Mrs. Legg had told her that morning of a particular need for nightshirts for the older boys.
“We have received several invitations for this week, Lizzy. Would you like to attend a ball or card party with me?”
“Oh, thank you, Aunt. I…I think…are the invitations from friends we know well?”
“Hmm.” Aunt Gardiner sifted through a stack of cards. “Mrs. Harte is hosting a dinner, but that is not until next Monday.”
“Priscilla’s mother? Do you know whether Priscilla and her husband are to be there?” Elizabeth felt a spark of her old self coming back to life at the possibility of seeing her friend.
“I have not heard. Shall I call on her this week to discover her news?”
“Only if it is convenient. I would be interested to see Mrs. Harte, either way, and I will keep my anticipation in check until I know whether my friend will be in town.”
They discussed other cards and people, but Elizabeth failed to see a purpose in it all.
She could make more friends, but they would marry and leave London as the rest had done.
She could not allow any more men to court her, but dashing their hopes with the truth before she could raise them would only cost her more friends.
And what of her own hopes? What if a man held her interest again? She could not allow that to happen.
“I may go out some this year, but I will not accept any calls from suitors.”
“Given your Uncle Bennet’s insistence that you do not marry for two more years, I do understand. Your Aunt Bennet, however, would be livid if she knew your current opinions.”
Elizabeth laughed. “She would be. Jane confessed her mother had hoped I would marry two years ago. Unfortunately for her, I have always put far higher stock in my uncle’s wishes.”
“Only natural, my dear. But will you reduce your service to the Foundling Hospital this Season?”
“I see no reason for that. Unless you do not wish me to take the carriage and horses out so often?”
“No, no. Your uncle and I do not mind that at all. I do have a card here, though, for a morning musical meeting on Wednesday.”
“We can go if you wish. Wednesdays and Fridays are not my hospital days. And I can alter my schedule whenever you need, as always.”
“Very well. We will plan for the musical meeting in two days and the dinner at Mrs. Harte’s home on Monday. Then little more than a fortnight after that, it will be your birthday. Shall we host a dinner?”
Elizabeth had begun to feel better about slowly going out again, but the apprehension returned with her aunt’s suggestion.
“A family party will suffice.”
Once her aunt accepted her reply without argument, Elizabeth could relax again.
“Oh, here is one, Lizzy. I do not know what you will think of it…”
“What is it, Aunt?” Why was her aunt nervous to tell her about the invitation?
“Your uncle and I, and you, are invited to dine next Thursday, at Darcy House.”
Elizabeth’s heart sped.
“Darcy House?”
“Mr. Darcy indicates he has also invited Mr. Bingley but that none of their sisters will be present. He writes that even if we cannot all attend, those who can will be welcome. It is surprising he would invite us, but your uncle did say he was pleased with their conversation last week.”
Elizabeth placed her hand on her stomach and stood.
“Please excuse me.”
“Of course. We need not reply yet.”
Elizabeth did not give her aunt a response because she did not have one. She was at once astonished, excited, terrified, and confused. Making her way to the attic, she began to sort through her emotions while scrubbing brushes that were already clean.
She was astonished that Mr. Darcy had invited any of them, a tradesman and his wife and a former friend who had mistreated him and disbelieved him when he had rescued her three weeks earlier.
Excitement rose in her to have an opportunity to see him before Jane’s wedding.
She was terrified to have to face him, not knowing why he had invited her and not knowing how she felt about him.
Her confusion stemmed from realizing that no part of her felt angry.
This would never do. If she could not muster some anger for Mr. Darcy, she did not think she could accept his invitation.
Her plan to avoid engaging her feelings this year should apply most to this man.
She was affected by the possibility that he had been serious in his apology at the ball.
Mr. Bingley had expressed the same to her the next morning.
What would it mean if Mr. Darcy regretted his affront?
There it was. She felt a glimmer of anger as she recalled his words and how much they had hurt her.
The old intensity of feeling could not be summoned, but she remembered he had hurt her, and she had not fully forgiven him.
After all, he had apologized at Mrs. Humphrey’s ball but had refused to explain why he had been so insulting.
And he had avoided her for the next two years.
They had not seen each other often, but he never approached her as the friend he had been.
She had never approached him, either, but it would hardly have been appropriate.
She could, perhaps, have smiled or nodded to him.
But he had been the one to blame. Elizabeth was sure of it.
That day at the Hurst home, she had not responded in anger.
She had been too stunned to reply at all, and he had departed.
The next time they had seen each other, though, a year later at Lady Standridge’s ball, he had not smiled nor acted as a friend would.
She had been waiting a year for his apology, and he refused to speak to her as they had danced.
She was certainly angry that night, and she had let him know.
Neither of them had behaved well that evening.
Every other time they had seen each other since then, Mr. Darcy was unfriendly and distant but not rude. He had treated her almost as a stranger. Worse than a stranger, for they could never become acquainted.
Then suddenly, he had sought her out to protect her, and in the face of her own obstinance, he had been kindness itself as he patiently attempted to pierce her defenses.
She had organized all her brushes and paints while she wrestled with her thoughts, but she was still agitated.
Why had Mr. Darcy invited her to his home?
Although she would change her mind many times in the next ten days, she told her aunt she would attend. How else could she get answers to any of her questions about the man?
“Thank you for coming early, Bingley.”
“It seems I have come just in time. You look as though you could use a drink before your guests arrive.”
Darcy exhaled. “Perhaps a small one. You will help me make Miss Elizabeth comfortable?” He went to the brandy decanter in his study, poured, handed a glass to Bingley, and took a sip from his own.
“I hope I am able. After our last encounter, I am not sure how much good I can do. Although we are not as close as we were before you…well, she has always been friendly with me when we are in Jane’s company or when we see each other in town.
In Hertfordshire at Christmas, she was not unfriendly, but she looked at me in a different way, as though waiting for me to say the wrong thing. ”
“It is strange that she did not put any stock in your account of Wickham.”
“Not so strange. She was correct that I knew nothing of the man firsthand. It was her suspicious glances at Longbourn, though, that have me confused. It is as though she remembered my flirtation with Miss Grantley and wished to ensure I am devoted to Jane.”
“Does she have cause to worry? I remember my own concerns last summer.”
Bingley’s cheeks pinked. “You put me on the right path that night, and I have not looked back. Thank you for encouraging me to make a choice and cease delaying my proposal. Although Mr. Bennet is insisting on a long engagement, it is a great comfort to have my happiness secured with Jane.”
Darcy nodded and took another sip. Bingley was only increasing his anxieties about this evening. If Elizabeth did not trust either Bingley or himself, would she come at all? Had she even been consulted before her aunt had accepted his invitation? Darcy exhaled deeply again.
“Forgive me, Darce. How can I help? Keep the conversation flowing?”
“Yes. Bring your light and cheerful self to my table and make everyone comfortable, if you please.” Darcy smirked at his friend, but that was exactly what he hoped.
“And most especially Miss Elizabeth. I understand my purpose here tonight.” Bingley laughed.
“Thank you. Oh, and Bingley? My goal is to renew a friendship with Miss Elizabeth, nothing more.”
“But you—”
“Nothing more for now. I must regain her friendship and trust before she has any idea of my feelings, or I fear I will lose any chance of gaining her affections.”
Bingley nodded.
A knock at the door alerted Darcy to the time.
“Enter.”
“Your guests have arrived, sir.”