Chapter 31 #2
“You don’t want to have a baby of your own?” His gaze flicks briefly to my stomach. “That was always the plan.”
“Because it was all we knew back then.” I take his hand, running my thumb along his skin. “I know—”
“You know what?” he asks softly.
“I know you’ve been struggling, Nathaniel.
You’ve been trying to hide it, but I know you.
You opened an old wound, and now I see that it might have been a blessing.
I think that letting yourself feel it all again would help you recognize the pain a child is enduring.
To comfort them in a way someone else couldn’t. ”
He swallows, eyes dropping back to the screen.
“What if it’s a baby?” he asks quietly. “They won’t have the emotional baggage.”
My heart stutters. If he’s asking…
“Then we celebrate,” I say firmly. “Because that baby won’t have to endure what you did.
We love them. We protect them. And whether they ever understand it or not, we help end the harm.
By adopting a baby, we free up space for the program to adopt another child.
” I pause, searching his face. “And Nate, the program is called Healing Horizons. Tell me that isn’t the universe pulling us full circle. ”
“Madeline…”
My hand presses to my chest. “I felt it the second Sloane started talking. Like my entire life snapped into focus. I know this isn’t a decision to rush into, but nothing will change how I feel. If you need time, take it. Days. Weeks. Months. And I’ll respect whatever you decide.”
He says nothing, fingers gliding over the keyboard as he reads.
Page after page.
Then he stops on the section about the children.
His shoulders sag while tears well in his eyes.
I wrap my arms around him as he buries his face into my neck, and I wish desperately that I could carry the weight of his past for him.
“You had Rosa,” I whisper. “Now I think it’s our turn to help break the cycle.”
He shakes his head, and my heart sinks.
“We don’t have to decide anything right now,” I murmur.
He straightens suddenly, purpose lighting his expression.
“I wasn’t shaking my head because it’s a no.
I was shaking my head because I can’t believe how lucky I am to be in love with the most incredible, compassionate woman I’ve ever known.
” I freeze…waiting. “I love you with my whole being, Mads,” he continues softly.
“And I don’t need to wait months. I already know I can’t wait to adopt a child with you.
” He smiles when my shock is obvious, brushing his hand through my hair.
“You don’t think I’m crazy for this?”
“No. We’re not young kids making irrational decisions. We both know what we want.” He leans in to kiss me, and I clasp a hand over my mouth.
My eyes widen.
Oh no.
I jump off the couch and bolt to the powder room with Nate hot on my heels. I don’t have time to close the door before I kneel down in front of the toilet and get sick.
He immediately gathers my hair back, rubbing my spine.
“Feeling fine?” he mocks, barely holding back his amusement.
“Shut up,” I mumble.
He laughs softly and helps me up. “You good for now?”
“Uh-huh. Sorry to ruin the moment.”
“It makes for a great memory,” he says, scooping me up bridal-style.
I turn my face away just in case, and sure enough, once we reach the en suite, I’m sick twice more.
When my stomach finally settles, I brush my teeth while Nate gently removes my glasses. Then when I’m done, he begins my nighttime routine, first taking off my makeup.
“This used to be my favorite part of the day,” I say, smiling at the memory. “So intimate for college kids.”
“I was always advanced for my age.” He winks.
He tucks me into bed beside Skye, drapes a blanket over me, and queues up Love Actually.
“There’s a bucket,” he adds, pointing to the floor.
“Thank you,” I say as he brushes my hair from my face.
“I’m sorry, Goddess. I wish I could’ve gotten the bug. I hate seeing you like this.”
“It’s okay,” I lie. “You’re going to sleep in the guest room, right?”
He glances down at his side of the bed and then shakes his head. “I’ll sleep with you, in case you need me.”
“Nate, seriously. Get out of this room so you don’t get sick. You have an early morning flight.”
His face drops. “Fuck. I’m not leaving you like this.”
I point to the door. “Leo will be home, I’ll be fine, and if it’s anything like Claud, this will pass by morning. Dinnertime at the latest.”
The doorbell rings, and Skye jumps out of bed. We both freeze, wondering who could be here, and then realize it at the same time.
Harrison.
He’s mentioned dropping off the new puppy today or tomorrow until he’s ready to surprise Juliette.
Nate turns to answer the door. “You’d better bring that cute puppy up here before he goes next door to Leo’s,” I call out.
He gives me a thumbs-up, then jogs down the steps.
Skye suddenly starts barking wildly, and I frown.
That’s not like her.
Oh no, does she hate the puppy?
“What the fuck?” I hear Nate’s voice boom across the apartment.
“Nate?” I yell down the stairs.
“Stay upstairs,” he snaps.
Wondering what’s going on. I’m about to get out of bed, because how could I stay upstairs when there’s something going on? Then the door slams, and Nate comes back upstairs.
“What happened? Where’s Harrison?”
“It was that guy again, this time with four other people, looking for Owen’s apartment. Leo spoke to Owen recently and told him that you’re living here now, and we can’t have random ass men coming onto our floor. It shouldn’t have happened again.”
“Has it happened before?”
He shrugs. “Here and there. More late-night when everyone’s fucked up.”
“Are you guys decent?” Leo calls from downstairs.
“Enter at your own risk,” I shout.
He climbs the steps, then frowns at me in bed. “Are you sick?”
“Got the bug Claud had.”
Leo’s eyes widen, and he steps back slowly, causing me to chuckle.
He turns to Nate. “Owen just texted. He wants us to come down for an apology drink.”
“Fuck that.”
“Nate, go. Make peace with your neighbor. I’m about to pass out at any minute.”
“She’s right, it’s a small building, and even though he’s in the wrong, let him make up for it. We’ll stay for one drink. I have a hot date with…”
We all wait, and only when I realize he has no idea who it is, I burst out laughing. “You don’t even know her name, do you?”
Leo bites his lip, smirking, his cheeky dimples on full display. “I’m sure it’s somewhere in our text chain.”
“Are you sure?” Nate asks, looking straight at me.
“Yes.” I widen my eyes. “Get out.”
“Should I wake you when I’m back?”
I blow him a kiss. “Please don’t. But wake me when you leave early for your flight.”
He blows me a kiss back, then Leo winks and blows me a kiss too, which gets him an elbow in his ribs.
Skye jumps back on the bed, and then Nate lingers for another second. “Nateeee,” I sigh, and he chuckles, closing the door behind him. “I can feel you on the other side of the door.”
He opens it back up; this time, his expression is more serious. “I don’t want to wait another second to start our new journey. Before I go downstairs, I’m going to fill out the interest form.” He pauses. “And you’re going to be an amazing mom. The best.”
Then he closes the door and walks away, leaving me no time to respond.
I need him to know he’s going to be the best damn dad I’ve ever known and how excited I am for this next chapter, too.
Nate
“Fuck, she’s hot.” Leo nods to someone in the corner of the room, while I ignore him completely. Then he hits me in the thigh for the fifth time in two minutes. “Will you stop bouncing your leg?”
I can’t.
I’m wound too tight after filling out the adoption interest form. I can’t seem to contain the anxiety buzzing under my skin.
It was a hell of a lot more intense than I expected, and it’s nowhere as comprehensive as the actual application, I’m sure.
Luckily, Maddie was still awake and feeling just well enough to help me push through it. She didn’t question why I needed to submit it right then and there.
Truth is, I don’t fully know why either.
The second the idea took root, it was like a fire lit under my ass. I couldn’t leave for London without doing something…without moving the needle forward.
We discussed telling our families and decided against it, except for Leo and Addie. We both agree that we might need a support system in the near future, whether or not this works out.
I lift my beer and take a long pull. “So…Maddie and I have news.”
Leo’s drink pauses halfway to his mouth. His head snaps toward me. “Is she pregnant?”
“No.” I shake my head. “We’ve decided we’re going to adopt a child.”
For once in his life, my brother is speechless. His eyes widen slightly, but that’s it.
I arch a brow. “You gonna say something?”
“I’m trying to figure out where to start,” he mutters. “When? Why? How?”
I walk him through Maddie’s day about Sloane and Healing Horizons and through the gut-deep certainty that hit both of us.
When I finish, he exhales slowly. “Wow…that’s…”
I frown. “Say what you want to say.”
“I am happy for you. For both of you,” he says carefully. “I just—are you sure you’re not rushing this?”
Maddie and I already went in circles about that while filling out the application. And the answer hasn’t changed.
We both agreed that it’s just one of those times that when you know, you know.
A gut feeling.
“No,” I say firmly. “And especially not Maddie. She doesn’t make impulsive decisions unless she’s absolutely certain in her heart.”
He studies me a second longer, then nods. “Yeah. You’re right.” He claps my back. “Well, shit, Nate. Congrats. Does Mom know?”
Guilt twists low in my stomach. “No. We want to keep this between us. Only you and Adelaide will know. There’s a good chance we have a long road ahead of us, and it would be stupid not to have some type of support system.”
“That’s me.” He thumbs his chest like an idiot, flashing an over-the-top grin. “Your support system.”