MRS. WEST

ℂ𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝟛

I'm awake before I open my eyes.

I stare at the ceiling for a second, blinking the sleep out of my eyes, then I become aware of the weight beside me. From where I was sitting, Dixie looked like she was already awake, just not moving. Of course she's already awake.

Dixie doesn't sleep anymore, not like she used to. Back then, I'd have to drag her out of bed, half laughing, half complaining, her voice all soft and annoyed while she tried to pull the covers back over her head. Now those days are over.

I watch her for a second. Her curly hair is all over the place. Dixie doesn't believe in a bonnet–she'd rather let all her hair out then keep it trapped in a silk covering.

There's always that moment in the morning where I think, "today might be different." but then I remember.

I push myself up, sitting at the edge of the bed, rubbing a hand down my face. The air is cool against my skin. I exhale, running a hand through my hair.

"Morning." I turn to her, my voice rough from sleep.

A couple minutes go by before she says something. "...morning"

I smile slightly at her response. It's stupid– I know –but progress comes in crumbs these days.

I head to the kitchen, grabbing a glass, filling it with water, drinking half of it in one go. It's cold and sharp. Wakes me up better than coffee ever could.

I lean against the counter for a second, staring out toward the living room. This house is too big for silence. I've always wanted to get an animal. Perhaps a dog or cat, but every time I talked to Dixie about it, she would ask, "Why do you want to replace her so badly?"

She doesn't know that Jordyn could never be replaced.

She comes into the kitchen about five minutes later, in her usual attire–curls slicked into a bun, pink blazer and black skirt. She moves past me, grabbing a glass and pouring her water the same way I did.

We stand side by side for a while, and I glance at her. She looks put-together –professional, but something about her looks drained, I just can't pin my finger on exactly what it is. I set my glass down, grabbing my keys from the counter, then pause.

"I can drive you," I offer. "If you want."

She finally looks at me, but that doesn't always last for long. She shakes her head before dropping her glass in the sink.

"I have my own car."

"Right," I say, sighing. "Just offering."

Good golly, this was exhausting.

I head back into the bedroom, pulling on my uniform pants, then my shirt, after that, my turnout jacket. My fingers moving through the motions like muscle memory are doing most of the work. I reach for my gear, but when I try to put the strap on, its twisted. Badly.

I try to fix it myself, tugging at it once, twice, but it won't budge. I exhale, ignoring it, walking back to the kitchen to make my cereal.

Dixie is still there, now clicking something on her phone. I grab the cereal from on top of the fridge, and pass her, grabbing a plate from the cabinet.

"You're going to leave looking like that?" She says flatly.

She looks up, eyes flicking from my face down to the strap, already assessing before I can even explain what happened. That's Dixie for you.

Her fingers reach for the strap, brushing against my chest lightly as she adjusts it. For a long while I just stare at her, mesmerized by her immaculate beauty. She probably doesn't even realize how close she is to me right now. I swallow.

I miss her. The old Dixie.

The one who would've giggled while fixing this, teasing me mercilessly for not knowing how to do it myself. The one who would've leaned in a little longer than necessary. The one who didn't feel so far away and distant even when she was right in front of me.

She finishes adjusting the strap, smoothing it down once before stepping back.

"Done," she says.

I don't respond right away–I'm still looking at her with that stupid grin on my face. She glances up at me and scoffs.

"Why are you staring?"

I blink out of it, snapping out of my gaze immediately.

"Ah–sorry." I say quickly, shaking my head once. "I just-"

I stop myself just before I say something dumb. Heck, what was I going to say? I miss you? You're beautiful?

Even if I did tell Dix she was the most beautiful girl I've ever seen, she would probably find some lie out of that. Oh, my pretty girl, Dix.

"I zoned out," I finished instead.

She stares at me like I have more to say, but I keep quiet, fixing up my boot. She goes back to the counter, fixing up her files for work. Lately, she's been up every other night studying about this new case she's been very vague about.

"What case is that?" I get up, nodding toward the papers. "You're working early today."

She doesn't even peep a glance at me. "I always work early, Cameron."

"Yeah, but–" I lean slightly, trying to read the top page. "Who's Justin Deyes?"

She purposely covers the paper with her hand so I can't see it properly.

"A client." She replies flatly.

"That's obvious," I chuckle. "I mean what kind of-"

She cuts me off quickly. "Lawyer kind."

I huff a small breath, trying not to get irritated even though I already felt it crawling up my spine. I wasn't mad at Dixie-never her. But at the miscommunication between us.

"I'm just asking," I say. "You don't have to act like I'm grilling you."

"You kind of are."

I straighten, clearing my throat before trying again. "Okay... how's your job going then? Better question?"

I watch as she goes back to my papers. "Fine."

"Fine?" I repeats. "That's it?"

"It pays."

"I swear I've heard that name before," I mutter, leaning closer to her nodding towards the files.

"You probably haven't."

"Dix-"

She slams the folder shut harder than it needed to be, finally turning to look at me. "Aren't you supposed to be leaving for work?"

I quickly glance at my watch. It was 6:45, and work started at 7: 35. "No. Couple more minutes."

I step past her, grabbing my bowl of cereal I poured earlier.

It's already gone a little soggy, but I eat it anyway, leaning against the counter again.

I take a bite, then glance at her. I grab the spoon, taking milk and a few lucky charms with it, holding it out to her.

She hasn't eaten anything from what I can tell so far. Not a single thing.

"You want some?" I ask. She doesn't even look my way.

"No." Her response is quick, like she was planning to say it in the first place. I lower the spoon slightly.

"You sure?" I try again. "You didn't eat anything."

"I'm not hungry Cameron," she says, still focused on her files. At this point, they get more love than I do.

It's the same answer every time. I nod slowly, pulling the spoon back and taking another bite, but I don't miss this at all.

I don't miss the way her sleeves hang just a little looser.

The way her frame looks. It's way smaller than it used to be.

It's not too dramatic- like anyone else would notice. But I would, because I know Dixie West.

I hope it was just stress and work. I hoped it was just her nerves kicking in. Geez, I even hoped she was on her period. Because if not–

I don't even want to finish that. I look away from her, forcing myself to take another bite, chewing slowly on the charms even though I've lost my appetite.

By force it is then.

"You have to eat, baby." I hold out my spoon again.

She shoves my spoon down, back into my cereal, refusing again. "I said no."

"I'll be upset the rest of the day."

She finally looks up at me. Huh, that worked.

"Fine. Only a spoon." She sighs, crossing her arms.

A grin spreads across my face. I lift the spoon towards her again. "Open."

She rolls her eyes, but leans forward anyway, taking the smallest bite possible before covering her mouth to chew like we're not the only two people here. A streak of milk spills from the side of her mouth.

"There," she says as she crunches, already pulling back. "Happy?"

"Not even a little," I reply, watching her chew. "That was barely a bite."

"That's all you're getting," she says, wiping at the corner of her mouth.

I watch as she finishes eating, before looking back up at me.

"Don't start," she warns, narrowing her eyes slightly.

"I didn't say anything."

"You were about to."

I huff out a quiet breath, shaking my head, but there's a faint smile there. "Just eat more later, okay? That was only a spoon" I say, softer this time.

She doesn't answer right away. Instead, she glances to the side sheepishly before going back to the counter, setting all her papers inside the file again. I rinse my bowl out in the sink, setting it in the cabinet, before grabbing my gear from the chair again, slipping my arms into my jacket.

"You're going to be late." She calls out. I glance at the clock, before nodding in agreement.

"Yeah, probably."

I walk over to her, gently brushing a loose strand of hair back from her face before cupping her cheeks. She sighs, closing her eyes briefly.

"You'll be alright?"

She finally looks up at me. "Yes. I'm fine."

I lean down, pressing a small kiss to her forehead. Dix always knows I never said bye because kisses were my goodbyes.

"Text me if you need anything." I murmur.

"Go to work, Cameron," she says, but there's no bite in it. She pushes me off of her, and I throw my hands up, smirking slightly.

"Yeah, yeah." I grab my keys before heading out the front door. A cold gust of air immediately hits my face like a welcome to the world.

~

The porch light clicks on as I pull up to the driveway, headlights washing over the house as I kill the engine.

For a second I just sit there, staring back at the house, hands resting on the wheel.

It was a long shift but an easy call. Nothing was out of the ordinary, really.

A faint breeze brushes past as I reach the door.

"Hey," I call out, locking the door behind me. "Baby, I'm home."

No one replies back, but that's usual. I figure she's either reading or looking over another case. Sometimes she's in the office, the bed, or her favorite place– the dining room.