ℂ𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝟝𝟠
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"So when are you coming back?"
Dannah's voice came through the phone, almost pleading.
I looked around the house.
Our house.
That still felt strange to think about.
Cameron was somewhere downstairs, probably in the basement, which meant I could walk around without having to worry about accidentally running into him.
Although, considering how often I had been thinking about him lately, I wasn't sure accidentally running into him was actually the problem.
"I don't know."
"You said that yesterday. And the day before that. And the day before-"
"Dannah..." I interrupt.
"And I'm pretty sure you said it three days before that too."
"Okay, I understand the pattern."
She laughed softly. "I'm just saying."
I rolled my eyes even though she couldn't see me.
I didn't know what else to say.
Every time Dannah asked when I was coming back, I gave her the same answer because I didn't have a better one.
I was still trying to figure out what I wanted.
Not what Ted wanted, or what my parents would've expected me to do.
Just me.
For once, I wanted to make a decision without wondering how it would look to somebody else.
I stopped near the staircase, looking down at the lower level.
"Hey, listen..I don't think I'm coming back."
The line went completely silent.
I waited for Dannah. "Dixie."
"Hmm?"
"You mean...to the firm? You're serious?"
"I think I am." I leaned against the railing.
"Wait. You actually mean you're quitting?"
The word sounded stupid to me.
Quitting. I'd never been a quitter.
I'd always been the person who stayed. Stayed after everyone else had gone home, on cases that should've been handed off.
Stayed when I was exhausted. Even when Ted made me question whether I was actually good enough.
I'd built so much of my identity around that place that walking away from it felt almost like admitting defeat.
Like I was nothing without my position.
Except, maybe it wasn't defeat. I didn't want to keep fighting a battle that wasn't worth winning anymore.
"I've been thinking about it," I admitted.
"Thinking about it or actually deciding?"
I smiled faintly. "You're very demanding for someone who isn't technically my boss."
"I've known you too long to let you make a life-changing decision while pretending you haven't made it."
I laughed at that, but my shoulders still slumped. She wasn't wrong.
"I think I'm done."
I had spent so much time trying to figure out whether I wanted my position back that I hadn't really stopped to ask myself whether I even wanted the life that came with it.
The endless cases, pressure. The feeling that if I wasn't constantly proving myself, someone would immediately decide I wasn't good enough.
Perhaps losing the position wasn't the worst thing that could have happened to me.
Maybe it was just the thing that finally forced me to stop.
"I just don't think I have a reason to stay anymore."
"That is complete BS."
I raised an eyebrow. "Excuse me?"
"You heard me, I'm serious. You're Dixie West. You don't just walk away because Ted bruised your ego."
"That isn't what happened." I stopped.
"Then what happened?"
She was right. I was Dixie West, but the firm didn't think so. It was about time I realized. I didn't want to be someone they could use every now and then.
It was honestly just crazy how fast Ted stepped me down from my position.
I wasn't going to think about it anymore.
I started walking again, slowly making my way through the house.
I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. The truth was harder to explain.
It wasn't just Ted. It was about everything, constant competition, the feeling that every case had to be perfect.
The way I'd slowly turned my job into the center of my entire life.
Then there was Cameron. And Jordyn. Everything I'd almost lost.
For the first time, I was starting to realize that maybe my life had been moving so quickly that I hadn't noticed how tired I was.
"I don't want to keep proving myself to people who already decided what they think about me," I said quietly.
"I spent years trying to become someone the firm couldn't ignore." I looked around the living room. "And now I'm realizing I don't actually want to be there anymore."
"I hate that," Dannah admitted. "I don't want this to be the last time I see you."
I smiled. "It won't be."
"You promise?"
"Yes."
"You're still my friend, even if you're abandoning me."
"I am not abandoning you."
"You're quitting my workplace. I'm taking it personally."
I laughed softly. "You'll be fine, Dannah." I started toward the stairs. "Besides, I'll still see you."
"Good." She sounded relieved.
I smiled. "I should probably go."
"Okay. Call me later?"
"Yes."
My smile faded slightly. I swallowed as we ended the call.
I lowered my phone and stared at the screen for a moment. I had expected to feel terrified. Instead, I felt lighter.
I looked around the house again.
I really was done. Maybe I could finally figure out who I was without the firm attached to my name.
I started walking downstairs without really thinking about where I was going. One step after another.
By the time I reached the bottom, I realized where I'd ended up.
I was in the basement. I stopped right when my feet hit the floor. Cameron was sitting on the couch, a laptop open in front of him.
He looked up, and his eyes immediately found mine. He glanced at my phone, which was still against my ear, then back at me.
He mouthed, Who is it?
"Dannah." I immediately took the phone from my ear.
He nodded slowly.
I stood there for another second. Why was I still standing here?
I looked around, then back at him.
"I was just..." I glanced toward the staircase. "Walking."
Cameron raised an eyebrow. "Usually happens when people want to go downstairs."
I stared at him.
He smiled faintly. "Sorry."
"I'm tired." I sighed.
"I can tell."
I frowned. "Is that supposed to be an insult?"
"No, Dixie," He closed his laptop. "I meant you look tired."
"That's even worse."
He laughed quietly.
I looked away. "I didn't even realize I came down here."
"Did you need something?"
"No," I took a step backward. "Sorry for disturbing you. I'll go back upstairs."
"You're not disturbing me."
I stopped.
Cameron leaned back against the couch. "You can stay."
Okay, then.
I hesitated, then slowly walked farther into the room. I sat in the chair across from him.
Then Cameron looked at me.
"What were you talking to Dannah about?"
"I told her I'm quitting." I looked down at my hands.
"Oh, right." His expression changed. "I'm proud of you."
I looked up. That wasn't the reaction I'd expected. "You are?"
"Of course." He leaned forward, resting his forearms on his knees. "I know how much that place meant to you. Walking away from it isn't easy."
He stood. Before I could ask what he was doing, he walked toward me.
I looked up at him. He opened his arms. I stood exactly where I was, unable to move. The second I did, Cameron pulled me into his arms.
I relaxed just a little. His arms wrapped securely around me, warm and familiar.
I closed my eyes. I hadn't realized how much I'd needed this.
"I'm really proud of you," he murmured.
I laughed softly at that. "Feels like I failed."
He pulled back slightly.
"What? No, you didn't fail."
"I lost my position. Wouldn't you consider that failing?"
"You left a job that was making you miserable."
"I didn't exactly leave on my own terms."
His hands rested lightly on my arms. "But you get to decide what happens next. To be honest, I think you should've made the decision a long time ago."
I laughed quietly. "That was kinda offensive."
He smiled. "Sorry."
I looked at him. "You think I could look for another firm?"
"You could."
"Or maybe I could do something completely different. But what if I regret it?"
"Then you change direction."
Really?
I frowned. "That's your advice? Obnoxiously simple."
He shrugged. "Life doesn't always have to be complicated."
Out of all the people who could've said that.
"You and I are terrible examples of that." I gave him a look.
He laughed. "Okay. Fair."
I smiled despite myself. He stepped back and returned to the couch. I followed, sitting at the other end. Cameron picked up his laptop again, opening it across his knees.
I looked around the basement, then looked back at him.
He was focused on his laptop, one hand resting against his chin while the other moved across the trackpad.
He looked tired. He also looked really good.
How would I say that without being awkward? Things between us had already been difficult.
I crossed my arms. "What are you working on?"
"Nothing important." He glanced up. "I like keeping busy."
I gave him a look. "You're avoiding the question."
He laughed quietly. "I found a few pieces of wood in the storage room."
"And this required your laptop?"
"No." He closed the laptop completely, now switching his attention to me. "I was looking at designs for a little bookshelf."
I stared at him in disbelief. "We already have, like, a billion in the library."
"Those are built into the walls. I wanted to make one for the hallway upstairs."
I thought about that.
We didn't need it, necessarily. "Why?"
He shrugged. "I don't know. I had the wood. Figured I'd make something."
I nodded slowly, pretending like I understood.
That sounded exactly like Cameron. Give him a piece of wood and a free afternoon and he would decide he was a carpenter.
"Are you actually going to make it?"
"Probably. I finish things."
I raised an eyebrow. "Do you?"
He stared at me, and I just smiled innocently.
"Just asking."
He glanced back towards the table. "You still haven't forgiven me for leaving the bird feeder unfinished, have you?"
"It has been six months."
"I promise you Dixie, it'll be done soon." He laughed.
I couldn't help smiling.
A few weeks ago, I would've taken any opportunity to argue with him.