8. Chapter 8
“For fuck’s sake, Brynn. Will you stop moping already?” Lisa stands in the doorway to my bedroom with her hands on her hips. “It’s been a month!”
I roll from my back to my stomach, my arms hanging off the side of my bed. “I’m still sad.”
Lisa huffs and sits down next to me. “Brynn, I totally understood when you cried all the way home from Grand Junction about it. I even gave you a pass when you cried off and on the week after we got home.” She glides her hand down my hair, letting it rest on my back. “But you’ve been pining over this guy for a month. It has to stop sometime.”
“You weren’t there, though. You don’t understand how perfect it was.” I roll to my side and pick at the loose threads on my comforter. “I’m allowed to be sad for as long as I want.”
“I’d almost agree with you if it weren’t for one small detail.”
“Which is?”
“You never even called him!” She throws her hands in the air. “You’ve had four weeks to reach out to the guy, but never did.”
Indignation flares in me. “What exactly would I have said, huh? ‘Oh, hey Sam. It’s Brynn. Thanks for the great one-night-stand. Maybe we can hook up again next year after the Mud Down? Cool, have a good rest of your summer!’”
“Um, yeah. That would’ve been a great conversation.”
I laugh, but it’s stilted. “What would be the point of rehashing a night that we won’t ever be able to have again?”
“You guys could have gotten to know each other more. Maybe started something serious? Casper isn’t that far away.”
“But he said he’s going to be job searching. What if we got serious and made plans and then he got a job that took him clear across the country? Or even to another country? I don’t think I could handle that, again.”
“Not every guy is Connor.”
I focus my gaze on the ceiling for a moment to keep the tears at bay. “Well, it doesn’t matter. Sam didn’t reach out to me either.”
“Yeah, what’s with that? I figured that would’ve been enough to make you call him. You’re such a control freak, don’t you need to know?”
I grit my teeth at her use of “control freak.” Do I like to know what’s going on? Yes. Does it mean I have to control everything around me? No. I may be a little more emphatic than most people, but that’s not a bad thing. “He probably feels the same way I do about the situation. We synced that night, Lisa. We clicked. He knows as well as I do that there wasn’t a real future for us. Why fight it?”
“Ugh, fine. I see there’s no talking you down.” She gets up and walks toward the door, but stops and spins to face me. “At least classes start tomorrow, so you’ll have something to distract you.”
A lightness fills me as I nod. “Yep. The only thing that sucks is I have to wait until Thursday for Professor St. James’ class. But that means I don’t have labs this week, so I guess it evens out.”
With an exasperated groan, I traipse out of my first class Monday morning; English 305. I can already tell it’s going to be the worst of my classes. Give me literature class and I’ll read all day, every day, but an entire class dedicated to essays? No way. Unless I’m writing about pollution remediation and how the breakdown of chemicals affects nature, count me out.
As I exit the building, I’m welcomed by a warm August day. And that wonderful Greeley smell. Being an agricultural hub for the surrounding farmlands, Greeley is famous in Colorado for its Earthy aroma. After going to The University of Northern Colorado for almost four years, I’ve grown used to the stench of the pastures, but sometimes the slaughterhouse smell still gets to me. Being a vegetarian, I try not to think too hard about it.
Today, it’s not so bad, so I relish the beautiful day as I walk home for lunch. The house I share with Lisa, Jackie, and Hannah is only a few blocks away from the UNC campus, which is enough time for me to warm up after being in that frigid English building.
Inside, I flop down at the kitchen table. Folding my arms, I cradle my head in them. “How am I going to survive a whole year of essays?” It’s so depressing to think about that I’ve almost lost my appetite.
Almost.
I heat up some leftover pizza and try to forget that I have English again on Wednesday. Hopefully, my other classes won’t be so bad. Of course, the best class is my last one of the week.
When Thursday comes, I’m beyond excited to get to my three-hour lecture class with Professor St. James. It’s Organic Chemistry, supposedly the hardest of the chemistry courses, but I’m ready to be in the professor’s presence again. I’ve had a class taught by Dr. Miranda St. James every semester since freshman year, and they’re always my favorite.
The professor is brilliant. Her mind is amazing with the amount of knowledge flowing through it, and she’s a great person. She also happens to own and operate an environmental research facility a few towns over. She gives the top chemistry major first chance at a spot in her paid internship every year, and not to brag, but I’ve basically been guaranteed that spot since sophomore year.
Working at that lab is my dream job. I’ve always loved nature and I can’t wait to spend my life saving it.
I practically bounce through the door and across the classroom to take a seat at the front. I like to be as close as possible so I can hear and see everything going on. As students file in, I recognize quite a few. We’ve all had classes together for the past couple of years, so naturally, I know a lot of them.
We exchange amicable waves, but I keep to myself mostly. I’ve got my close-knit group of friends, and I like it that way.
When Professor St. James walks in, she heads straight to the desk, but catches me in her sight and smiles. Smiling back, I dip my head in recognition.
She checks the clock. “Since it’s the first day of classes, I’m going to wait a few minutes for those who may be lost. Occupy yourselves a bit longer.” With that, she begins unpacking her satchel.
I flip open my notebook and write “O-Chem” at the top with the date right next to it. As I’m writing, my mind drifts off momentarily. I think about all the great things happening for me. Senior year of college, an internship at a research facility owned by my favorite professor, great friends, and a bright future. The only thing missing is someone to share the rest of my life with.
If only that person could be?
The classroom door opens, pulling my attention away from my blank notebook page. I lift my gaze, and a million butterflies take off in my stomach as I watch the one person I least expect to walk in.
Sam Eastman.
His eyes scan the room from behind square-framed glasses. I didn’t even know he wore glasses. When he finally lands on me, his face lights up, his expression surely matching my own. But then his brow furrows as he looks at the desks surrounding mine. They’re all full. He gives me an apologetic shrug and tilts his head toward the back of the room.
I’m left gasping for air. My heart beats so wildly, it’s drowning out all other noise. I know the professor has started the lecture, but I can’t hear anything.
What is he doing here? He lives in Wyoming, so why is he in Colorado? I thought he was going to be job searching at the end of the summer. Why is he at my school? Why is he in this class?
One question puts all the others to rest...who cares?
What matters is he’s here. I never thought I’d see him again, never thought we’d have a chance to be together, and now, here he is. Judging by the delight beaming from him, he’s happy about it, too. I wiggle in my seat, unable to contain my excitement.
I can’t wait for class to end so I can talk to him. We can tell each other all about our summers, and he can explain what in the world he’s doing here.
My stomach plummets through the floor as that notion sinks in.
How will he explain it? He didn’t mention anything about going to school when we met, and there’s no way this is his first semester. He can’t be in O-Chem as a freshman, can he? He’d have to be exceptionally brilliant.
But then how is he going to justify being here?
The bitter taste of bile creeps up my throat as I tell myself he’ll have a perfectly reasonable explanation. He didn’t lie. Sam wouldn’t do that. Would he?
The questions won’t stop coming, and I’m getting dizzy. I need to concentrate on the lecture, but I can’t focus on anything. Luckily, I know Professor St. James will spend a good thirty minutes going over the class expectations and structure, but there will be actual teaching soon, and I need to listen.
Fortunately, I’m able to tamp down my worries, and manage to sit through the whole class. Unfortunately, I don’t hear a lot of what is being said. I’m sure the professor would give me some notes on the lecture, but I’ll have to explain why I wasn’t paying attention and I’m not ready to do that.
When Professor St. James finally excuses us, everyone packs up and files out. As Sam leaves, we make eye contact, and he nods toward the door before stepping into the hallway. I shove all my belongings in my backpack and race after him.
I push through the flood of students and find Sam waiting across the hall. Even though my nerves are on edge right now, I can’t help but notice how handsome he is. Better than I remember in Grand Junction.
He’s got his hands in his pockets, backpack slung over his shoulder, his chin dipped. His light-brown curls hang down, framing his gorgeous face. Those brown eyes stare at me through his lashes, and a warm smile dances on his lips.
He takes a hand from his pocket to hike the backpack higher on his shoulder. “Hey, Brynn.”
Even the sound of his voice is better than I remember. “Hey,” I say quietly. Silence fills the hallway as the other students dissipate, leaving us to stare at each other. When Sam tilts his head, his glasses catch the light. “I didn’t know you wore glasses.”
“Oh, yeah.” Sliding them off, he holds them out as if to admire them. “I don’t wear them often, but I ran out of contacts and my order got delayed.” He slips them back on. “I hate these things.”
As I study how handsome he looks with the glasses, I bite my lip. “They’re not so bad.”
“Thanks.” His cheeks tinge pink before he ducks his head. “So, uh, fancy meeting you here.”
My heart leaps into my throat. I swallow it down. Right, I’m here to get answers. “What are you doing here?”
He runs a hand through his hair before rubbing the back of his neck. “Finishing my chemistry degree.”
“You never said anything about going to college.”
“Neither did you.”
I fold my arms across my chest, annoyed at his turning the tables. “I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to make you feel bad. You had lost your job, were worried you’d be losing time with your best friend. I didn’t want to rub it in how good my life was.”
“Oh, so you were pitying me?”
With a frown, I shake my head. This isn’t the sweet, understanding Sam I met back in July. “Not pity, just…I don’t know. I didn’t want to gloat.”
“So, you decided to lie instead?”
I scoff. “Me, lie? What about you? This isn’t Wyoming, Sam.”
“Technically, I didn’t lie.” He holds up his hand, index finger pointed to the sky. “When you asked me that, I was living in Wyoming. I only moved down here, like, a week ago.”
“And you didn’t think that was pertinent information to share? I mean, moving to Colorado couldn’t have been a snap decision.”
“No, it wasn’t.” With a sigh, he shoves his hand back into his pocket. “I transferred my credits down here at the end of last semester. That’s why I quit my job. I wanted to take the summer to hang out with Walt before I moved.”
My jaw hits the floor. “You lied about losing your job, too?”
“It wasn’t really a lie. Mis-worded maybe, but not a lie.”
An offended laugh escapes me. “You’re so full of shit.”
“Shh.” He puts his finger to his lips as he takes a step closer to me. “What about you, huh? Greeley isn’t exactly Aurora, Colorado.”
I bristle, swallowing deep before speaking. “I never said I lived there, just that I grew up there. Which is true.”
A dismissive look crosses his face. “Unbelievable.”
“Don’t spin this on me. You could’ve told me you were moving down here, but you chose to omit that tiny detail. Why?”
He groans as his head falls back to gaze at the ceiling. “I don’t know. I had just met you, and we lived so far apart, at least I thought we did.” He gives me a pointed look. “I guess I didn’t think the details mattered.”
I feel like I’ve been sucker-punched in the gut. “So, I was good enough to sleep with, but not good enough for you to share the details of your life with?”
“It’s not that?”
“Then what is it?” I tighten my hold on myself, clenching my teeth. “You could have been honest, Sam.”
“You could have, too.” He points at me. “Instead, you made it sound like there were more miles between us.” With a sigh, he removes his glasses to run his hand down his face. “And long-distance doesn’t work, you know?”
“So, you lied to get what you wanted.”
His hand stops on his chin as he gives me a sideways glance. “Excuse me?”
“You thought we’d never see each other again, so you decided to get some fun out of the deal.”
Sam doesn’t speak, he just stares at me, his mouth agape.
“All that stuff you said about not doing one-night stands was bullshit, huh? You knew if you gave us a deadline, it would raise the stakes, and saying you lived in Wyoming gave you an out.” I lick my lips, bolstering myself for my next statement. “You used me.”
His features soften, and for a moment, I see what I think is remorse swirling in his eyes. “Brynn, I...”
“Don’t even start with your fake apologies.” I hold my hands up as I back away. “Congratulations on your conquest, Sam Eastman.” Spinning on my heel, I storm down the hallway, feeling sick to my stomach.
Sam calls after me, but I don’t stop. I keep walking as fast as I can all the way home.
I spend the rest of the afternoon sobbing in my bed with my arms around a pillow. I’m so incredibly angry and hurt that the tears won’t stop. It makes me even angrier to know I’m spilling them over Sam. A liar. A person who doesn’t deserve my tears. Yet here I am.
I’m such a wreck that when Lisa walks in the door, she takes one look at me and rushes to my side. “Shit, Brynn, what’s wrong?”
“He’s here.” I say through my tears.
“Who? Who’s here?”
I grab a tissue and blow my nose. “Sam.”
Lisa’s eyebrows squish together. “What do you mean Sam’s here? Like, in the house?”
“No.” I shake my head, wiping my tears with another tissue. “In Colorado. He was in my lecture class today.”
“No way.”
“Uh huh. He knew all summer he was moving down here to go to school. He lied to me, Lisa.” I choke out the last bit through more tears.
“That fucking skunk.”
I sniffle. “And now he’s here, at my school, in my class, and every time I see him, it’ll remind me of what an idiot I am.”
“Brynn, you are not an idiot.” Lisa brings out her stern, serious tone.
“Yes, I am, considering what I did. I mean, I let some guy feed me lines, believing every one of them, and then I slept with him because I thought I felt some sort of connection. How could I be so naive?”
Lisa hums, like she’s contemplating what she wants to say, before setting her hand on my knee. “Maybe your heart was exhausted.”
“What do you mean?”
“This last year wasn’t easy on you, Brynn. After what Connor pulled, you sort of curled in on yourself. Not that I’m blaming you. It makes total sense that you’d guard yourself pretty hardcore after that jerk, but I think it finally caught up to you.”
I chew on my lower lip, but stay silent.
“I think that maybe when you met Sam, your heart took over and told your brain to take a break. You let yourself believe there was this grand connection because your heart was starved for it.”
As much as I don’t want it to, what Lisa says makes sense. I really did shut down after Connor abandoned me. I wouldn’t let anyone in.
Until Sam came along. He was the first guy in a year to dissolve the barricade around my heart, and I let him. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t feel good, though.
I tilt my head back to look at the ceiling. “It all seemed so perfect.”
“I know, sweetie,” Lisa says, scooting so she’s sitting next to me. “But that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Maybe it was what you needed to break you out of your funk. I mean, it was fun, right?”
I rub my thighs together as my cheeks heat. “It was incredible.”
Lisa nudges me with her shoulder. “See? Just because Sam turned out to be a manipulative asshole, doesn’t mean something good can’t come from it. You had fun, got laid, and now you can move on and find someone worthy of you.”
My breath comes a little easier as I mull over Lisa’s words, but it gushes from my lips in a heavy sigh when I picture Sam’s face. “Why did he have to be so hot, though?”
“They always are, Brynn.” She pats my knee. “Hey, let’s go out tonight.”
“Seriously?” I ask, giving her a sideways glance.
Lisa grins at me. “Yeah, seriously. It’s ladies’ night at Coyote Canyon, and school’s back in session so you know what that means?”
“Cheap drinks and dozens of guys willing to pay for them?”
“Bingo. You don’t have classes tomorrow, right?”
I shake my head. “No, and since it’s the first week of school, I also don’t have any tutoring sessions yet. I have the whole day off.”
“Perfect.” Lisa’s grin widens somehow. “Let’s go out, get drunk, and maybe find you a guy to make you forget about Sam.”
“He’ll have to be a doozy.”
“Then consider us on doozy patrol.”
I laugh, feeling lighter with each chuckle. “You’re a dork.”