35. Chapter 35
Sam opens the car door for me, and I slide across the backseat to make room for him. As soon as he’s at my side, I lay my hand on his thigh and squeeze. I watch his Adam’s apple bob.
“Buckle up,” the driver says, but it falls on deaf ears.
The second I turn my chin toward Sam, his mouth collides with mine in a kiss that leaves me breathless. It takes every ounce of self-restraint I have not to tear off his clothes, or to let him tear off mine. I want so badly to throw my leg over his lap. I want to ride him all the way home.
We make out for the duration of the Uber ride. When the car lurches to a stop, our driver looks less than enthused as he glares at us from the rearview mirror. We collect ourselves, thank him, and exit the car. He takes off as soon as the door closes.
“I don’t think he was very happy with us,” I say, biting my lip.
“He was probably jealous.” Sam taps away at his phone, but tilts his head to give me a wink. “Besides, he’s getting a good tip.”
“That’s nice of you.”
Sam tucks his phone into his pocket, takes my hand, and yanks me to him. “Well, I’ve got to make up for what I’m about to do with you.” He claims my mouth once again before tugging me up the stairs to his apartment.
As we ascend, the world spins. I have no idea how I make it up the steps without tripping, but as I wait for Sam to unlock the door, I have to brace myself on the wall. When Sam opens the door, I’m thankful he offers me his hand. Pulling me inside, he kicks the door shut.
Before I can think, his hands are on me, tearing off my coat. He nudges me backward until my ass hits the back of the couch, and he pins me against it with his hips, his growing erection pressing into my thigh. Our lips reconnect and the passion reignites. I throw my hands around his neck, keeping him close and losing a hand in his hair.
As the spinning stops briefly, I begin unbuttoning his shirt. The first button is so infinitesimally small that it slips from my fingers several times.
With a groan, Sam grabs my hand. “Here, let me,” he says against my mouth, and finishes the rest of the buttons.
I slide the shirt over his taut shoulders and down his arms, my fingertips brushing his skin and burning for more.
He peppers kisses along my jaw and down my throat to nuzzle into the crook of my neck. His hands slip the straps of my dress down, so he can kiss across my collarbone.
As my head lolls back, the spinning returns, and I have to snap my head up.
Sam pulls back. “You okay?”
“Mhm.” I nod, but halt when I feel like I’m going to fall over.
“Maybe we should stop.”
I pout. “What? No. I don’t want to stop.”
I reach for him, but he grabs my wrist. His eyes narrow as they flick between mine.
“Sam,” I breathe, dropping my gaze to his mouth. “Kiss me, please.”
He huffs, still scrutinizing me, but doesn’t make a move.
I bite down on my lower lip and thrust my chest out. “I need you.”
With a shudder, he steps forward to pin me again. He cups the back of my head and wraps the other around my waist as if to steady me. His kiss is more tender now. The passion from a minute ago isn’t there. It’s still a great kiss, but it’s different, like he’s handling me with kid gloves.
Well, I’m not going for that kind of night. I want this to obliterate our friend-zone.
I push him backward until his back hits the door. The force of the collision makes him grunt, but his kiss doesn’t waver. When I hike my leg up around his hip, he grips my ass firmly to keep me pressed against him, and the passion returns.
I’m moaning, groaning, and grinding my way toward an orgasm when suddenly, my body goes slack. I can’t even hold my head up.
“Whoa, Brynn,” Sam says, his voice full of concern as he holds me up.
I mumble something, but even I don’t know what I’m trying to say. I simply fall into Sam’s embrace, trusting him. The last thing I remember before the world goes black, is Sam telling me he’ll take care of me.
And I believe him.
“Sam?” I say, though my voice is weak. My mouth and throat are so dry, I can’t even swallow. As I sit up, I rub my eyes, trying to get them to focus in the muted sunlight streaming through the curtains. Scooting up to rest my back against the wall, I drop my gaze to the side table to see a glass of water and two aspirin tablets. I toss them back, exerting all my self-restraint to not chug the water. With a long exhale, I knock my head against the wall. I’m in Sam’s bed.
Alone.
What happened last night? I remember most of it, though the end is a bit hazy. I know I told him to bring me home, and while I don’t remember exactly what happened once we got here, I know it was getting hot and heavy. Did it get hotter and heavier? How far did we go?
I throw back the blanket, relieved but confused when I see I’m not wearing my dress. Instead, I’m clad in a pair of what seem to be Sam’s sweatpants and a t-shirt. I don’t remember putting these on. Did Sam undress and re-dress me?
Pulling the neckline of the t-shirt out, I dip my chin down to also see I’m still wearing my bra. Confusion washes over me. So, I didn’t get naked, but I didn’t put these clothes on either. What the hell went on here last night?
As if he hears my question, Sam strolls through the bedroom door with a mug in one hand and a plate in the other. His face lights up when he sees me. “Hey, you’re awake.”
“Yeah. I woke up a few minutes ago.”
“That’s good. I was afraid you’d sleep all day.” He walks to the bed and takes a seat, setting the mug on the table and handing me the plate. “Here, I made you some toast. I figured you’d need something in your stomach before you take the...” His eyes drop to the side table. “Aspirin.”
“Too late,” I say, snatching the toast and taking several bites. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. There’s coffee, too.”
I groan as my stomach turns. “I don’t know if I’m ready for that yet. Maybe the rest of the water first.” I set down the half-eaten toast. “Sam, what happened last night?”
His mouth ticks up on one side. “You don’t remember?”
“The details are kind of fuzzy after we got here.”
“Ah, then allow me to fill in the missing pieces.” He clears his throat. “You insisted that I bring you here, and who am I to turn down a beautiful woman’s request?”
“Did we actually make out the whole ride home?”
He nods. “And the Uber driver wasn’t too pleased.”
“Ugh.” I drop my face in my hands. “Then what happened?”
“Well...” He rubs the back of his neck. “We sort of threw ourselves at each other, but you got real woozy, so I put you in bed.”
I lift my head, arching an eyebrow. “Is that how I got these?” I pinch the t-shirt fabric between my fingers. “Did you dress me?”
“Mhm. And let me tell you, getting you out of that dress and into those clothes was no easy feat.”
“So, we didn’t have sex?”
He shakes his head. “By the time I got you into those sweats, I was so tired, all I wanted to do was sleep. I mean, I laid here for a while to make sure you weren’t going to stop breathing, or puke, or anything, but eventually, I fell asleep.”
Appreciation blooms in my chest, radiating warmth through me.
“I didn’t let go of you until I woke up this morning, and the only reason I got up was because I had to piss.”
The warmth intensifies, no longer comforting but stifling instead. “Wait, we cuddled all night?”
“Well, yeah, basically.”
“Dammit, Sam.” I flop my head back to hit the wall, groaning in agony from the collision.
“What?”
“We should have had sex,” I say authoritatively as I rub the back of my head.
His brow furrows to the point of his eyebrows touching. “Are you mad that I didn’t fuck you while you were unconscious?”
“No, of course not. But I…” Squeezing my eyes shut, I cringe at what I’m about to say. “I wanted to get out of the friend-zone.”
“The what?”
With a heavy sigh, I open my eyes to see even more confusion on his face. “After my cinnamon incident, you labeled us as friends, and it made me question my recent decisions.”
“You mean calling off our arrangement?” He waits for me to nod before his lips quirk up. “Brynn, if you wanted to have sex, all you had to do was ask. I don’t care what we label each other, I will always be up for naked time with you.”
I perk up, my shoulders relaxing and my chest loosening. “Really?”
“Really. Just because we’re not enemies anymore doesn’t mean we can’t still hook up. It’s just sex.”
The lightness in my chest disappears, a weight settling in. Clearing the hurdle of being friends with benefits was one thing. Now, we have the issue of keeping feelings out of the picture. “We’re not supposed to cuddle,” I say quietly.
“Brynn, I didn’t really have a choice. You weren’t exactly awake.”
“Yeah, but you didn’t have to hold me all night, or dress me, or make me fucking toast.”
“What’s wrong with toast?”
“All of that isn’t what this”?I wave my hand between us?“is about.”
Sam straightens up, folding his arms. “What do you think this is, then?”
I look at him like he asked the dumbest question in the world. “It’s an arrangement. An agreement.” I huff and get up from the bed, wobbling on my feet as I pace the length of it. “We agreed this would be purely physical, no feelings, and here you are acting like you really care about me.”
A flash of hurt whips through his eyes, but he blinks and it’s gone. “So, what was I supposed to do?”
“Leave me in my dress. Let me sleep on the couch. Offer me aspirin, and coffee, and food after I wake up, not preemptively.”
“Oh, right.” He rolls his eyes. “Because that wouldn’t make me a dick at all.”
I stop pacing, looking down at him sternly. “This isn’t about being a dick or not. This is about setting boundaries. You’re treating this like a relationship when it isn’t.”
“Isn’t it, though?”
My eyes widen as my breath catches.
Sam licks his hips, flicking his gaze to the side. “I mean, we’re doing all the things people do in a relationship. Why not own it?”
“Because that’s not what it is.” My jaw quivers as I speak.
He stands, stepping forward to close the gap between us. His eyes flash as he stares down at me. “Then what do you call it?”
With a deep swallow, I say, “Two people scratching an itch.”
His mouth curls into a smirk as he runs his knuckle down my cheek. “An itch I’ve had since July,” he says softly.
Did he say what I think he said? I back away. I’m almost too afraid to ask, but I squeak out, “What did you say?”
Sam grabs my biceps, holding me in place. “I said I’ve had this itch since July, Brynn. Ever since our night in Grand Junction, I’ve done nothing but think about you. You’ve been all I’ve wanted for six months.”
I can’t say anything. All I can do is breathe, and it’s shaky at best.
He lets go of me, turning to the window, and sighs. “When I walked into O-Chem that first day and saw you, I thought my wildest dreams had come true. Then, after our initial conversation, I knew I was fucked.” He runs a hand through his hair. “I never thought you’d end up hating me, though.”
I squeeze my eyes shut as I wince. “Sam, I...”
“Don’t, Brynn. You don’t have to apologize. I was the one who wasn’t honest in the first place, so I only have myself to blame.” He turns around and shoves his hands in his pockets. “But I wanted to make it up to you. I thought maybe if we spent more time together, if you saw the real me again, that maybe we could have what we had after the Mud Down. Which is why I volunteered to help with the study group.”
My eyes pop open, along with my mouth. “I thought you wanted to get ahead for the internship.”
“At first, I did. It’s the whole reason I transferred down here, after all.” He hikes his shoulders to his ears. “But I’m not applying for it.”
“Why not? You’re brilliant. You would be a shoe-in.”
“Yeah, maybe, but you deserve it. After what you told me about your dream of saving the environment, I couldn’t fathom trying to take it from you, even if I thought I had a chance.”
Disbelief spills from my lips in a forced chuckle. “I can’t believe you would do that for me.” My eyes search the room as my forehead crinkles. “Wait. Were you going to use that as leverage to get me to date you?”
“No.” Panic streaks across his face. “I would never do that. I just wanted you to have what was rightfully yours.”
So, then what was his angle? “And what about the fuck-buddy thing? Was that in your master plan to get me to like you again?”
“No. Never in a million years could I have planned that.” He laughs, raising his gaze to the ceiling. “But I knew there was something here. I could feel it whenever we worked on the presentations, but I had no idea how to bring it up. I kept waiting for an organic opportunity, and finally got one on Halloween.” He tilts his head from side to side. “Though that wasn’t exactly what I had thought was going to happen.”
“I don’t think either of us thought that would happen.” My cheeks heat as I remember the night.
“Afterward, I was even more hung up on you, and I didn’t want to lose the momentum I’d stirred, but the fuck-buddy idea was a spur of the moment thing, I swear. You tried to back out of our Saturday meetings, and I panicked. I never thought you’d go for it, but I’m glad you did.”
“Me too.”
Sam steps to me and takes my hands in his. “Brynn, I never meant for this to escalate the way it did. All I wanted was to be near you, to spend time with you.”
My eyes well with tears as I stare up at him. All the things I thought I knew about this man were wrong, and all the things I convinced myself weren’t real, were. “I’m such an idiot,” I choke out, dipping my head.
“No, you’re not.” He tucks a knuckle under my chin and lifts my head so our gazes meet. “You’re incredible, intelligent, headstrong, passionate, beautiful, to name a few.”
I swallow deeply, a small smile curling on my lips as a tear breaks free and rolls down my cheek. “A few what?”
Sam wipes it away. “A few reasons why I love you.”
I jerk my head back. “You what?”
“I love you, Brynn Erlenmeyer. I fell in love with you in July, and haven’t stopped for one minute since.”
My heart pounds hard and fast as my eyes flick between his. He’s in love with me? He’s been in love with me for six months? How the hell did I not know? I truly am an idiot.
But I won’t be anymore.
Words tickle the tip of my tongue. The same ones that describe the feelings I formed in July. God, how I fought these words with all my might for months. I didn’t want to believe them. Couldn’t fathom how I could be feeling them after such a short time with Sam.
Now, they’re stronger than ever before, and I can’t hold them in any longer. “I love you, too.”
“I know.”
I scoff. “Jerk,” I say, playfully smacking his arm.
He wraps his arms around me, pulling me to him and laying his lips on mine in a tender kiss. This time, we claim each other. It’s not one-sided, it’s mutual.
Sam loves me.
Though, he may be challenging, argumentative, and irritating to no end, I love this man with all my heart. With our muddy history behind us, the trail ahead is much drier as we step forward together.