Chapter 7
7
S aying goodbye to the Zilkers turned out to be one of the hardest things Nikki had ever done. She’d put her drunk mother to bed more times than she could count. She’d worked her backside off to get through undergrad with almost a perfect 4.0 GPA. Plus, she’d survived a breakup that had ripped her heart out. Walking away from a couple she’d met a mere few hours ago shouldn’t be the thing that brought her down. And yet, a tsunami of emotion slammed into her as the older couple stood on the back porch, waving, like they were all dear friends.
They care for Conrad, not her.
And yet, those words rang hollow.
“Sweet couple,” she managed to say after clearing her throat. Talking helped her focus. She’d been told she could argue the sky was orange and win. Words had always come to her easily. The fact they escaped her now caused a quiet desperation to form in her chest, along with a real ache.
“My buddy hit the parenting lotto,” Conrad said, his voice gruff with emotion. At least she wasn’t the only one. Was that part of the attraction to him? They were both kindred spirits? Broken souls? Did the broken parts of them fit together?
Or was she in an emotional tailspin, searching for an explanation for why her hand ached to reach out and touch his? Like having a physical connection with the man could tether her to reality.
“Growing up with Beaumont as a father and no mother had to be hard,” she reasoned. Her own mother might have been cold emotionally, but she had never been cruel to Nikki. Her mother had never struck her.
“I got through it,” Conrad said.
Hank’s voice cut through the air. He was shouting for Conrad.
They turned around and met him halfway across the stretch of yard leading to the lake. The older man was out of breath by the time they got close enough to talk.
“There’s a large reward being offered for Nikki’s safe return,” Hank managed to say through gulps of air.
“My stepfather,” she said on a gasp. And then she looked at Conrad to see if he understood what had just happened. “There’s a price on your head now.”
“It’s fine,” he said. “Unless you want to go.” His train of thought seemed to pick up steam when he caught her gaze and held. “You could say that I forced you to come with me in case I was caught. That I was going to use you as a hostage.”
She was already shaking her head.
“It’ll work, Nikki. That way, you’ll be safe, and I’ll be able to slip on and off the property unseen.”
“We’re doing this together, Conrad. It’s the only way.” She could hear the panic in her own voice as it raised a couple of octaves.
“It’s not,” he huffed. “Can’t you see? I’m better off without you.” Those words were knife stabs. “I’ll travel lighter.” He held up the heavy bag of food and the backpack he refused to let her carry. “I don’t need all this, but you do.”
“That’s not true,” she said, folding her arms over her chest and planting her feet apart, ready for whatever came next.
“You’re a liability, and you know it,” he spat out, venom in his gaze. “You’re in the way.”
He was only saying that to protect her. He didn’t mean a word. Did he?
“Conrad, be reasonable.”
“ You be reasonable for once. So far, you’ve forced yourself on me and refused to listen to anything I say.”
“That’s a lie.” Moisture formed in her eyes, but she refused to cry.
“Take the hint, Nikki. Go back to the cabin with Hank and call off your dogs. Let me be, and I’ll find the truth. Stay with me, and I’ll end up caught and in jail.”
“Dammit, Conrad. You need my help.”
“Is this what you call help?” Again, those words were the equivalent of knife jabs.
Nikki couldn’t allow herself to believe he meant them. Not when a hint of regret passed behind his eyes with every jab as well as another emotion she couldn’t quite put her finger on. A mix of loneliness and a deep sadness, perhaps?
Conrad was used to being alone. He was used to taking care of himself.
Guess what?
So was Nikki.
“Go on then,” she dared. “Leave without me. But I’m not going back to the cabin. I’ll figure out who killed my father on my own.”
Conrad stood there for a long moment. He studied her like she had the answers to a life-or-death final exam.
He muttered a string of swear words, turned around, and walked away. At the lake’s edge, he turned and asked, “Are you coming? We don’t have all day?”
They did, in fact, have all day. They had all night. They had however long it would take to find the real murderer and clear Conrad’s name.
“Go on,” Hank urged. “We both know he didn’t mean any of that.”
“Then, why would he say it?”
“To protect you.”
Hank might be right or dead wrong. Either way, Nikki needed to get more information from Conrad before breaking off on her own to find the killer because he was right about one thing. Two people were slower than one.
When the time came, she intended to bolt.
Conrad made a mental map of how to get from the fort to the ranch and went over it in his mind more times than he could count as they climbed up the ladder and then dropped off supplies. The sky was darkening. It would take two and a half hours to walk to the ranch, assuming the search mission had been abandoned on the property. The temperatures were dropping, but at least they had coats. Nikki hadn’t said two words to him since his outburst. Was she plotting her next move without him?
Could he blame her if she was?
Nikki not talking to him felt like the worst thing in the world, which was saying a helluva lot under the circumstances. He shouldn’t care what she thought about him. He’d been doing her a favor back there, trying to convince her to save herself. But she’d been too stubborn. And now, she was too pissed to speak.
In his efforts to convince Nikki to save herself, he’d alienated her. Since the last time he’d opened his mouth to speak, she’d shot him a go-to-hell look. He didn’t see the need for a repeat.
Instead of talking, he picked up the flashlight and started down the ladder. She followed, and they walked through the trees toward the ranch. It was going to be a long walk to the barn. Two and half hours long. At least they were under the cover of night and in territory he was familiar with.
After walking a solid forty-five minutes without a word spoken between them, he broke down. She’d won the “quiet contest.”
“Back there…” he started.
“I know,” she said, shutting him down.
“I’d still like to say it.”
“What? That you’re sorry? That you won’t hurt my feelings again? That you won’t say something that makes me feel worthless?”
“Worthless?” Now, he really was pissed at himself. “I would never have said anything if I thought you would read it that way.” Dammit. He had some groveling to do if he was going to dig himself out of this hole.
“I know.” Those words were spoken with forced calm. Underneath, there was a vulnerability that made him want to stop everything and comfort her.
“Here’s the thing,” he started, “I don’t know why you’re willing to risk your own freedom to help me, and I’m used to relying on myself, so this is all new territory for me.”
Nikki’s silence cut to the quick. But then, what did he expect? Her to instantly melt because he’d admitted to being in foreign territory?
He’d hurt her, and he was damn angry with himself. Letting someone else in wasn’t something he could do. Not when his life had turned upside down in a snap. Not when he didn’t have the first idea how. And not when he couldn’t help but think he’d only make her angrier. Conrad didn’t do relationships. He didn’t do long-term. Hell, he didn’t know how. Everyone in his life up to now had either abandoned him or tried to control him. The latter was about Beaumont. The man had no idea how to be a father. From the stories, he hadn’t known how to be a husband, either. Based on the scars he’d inflicted on each of his children, both mentally and physically, he also hadn’t known how to be a decent human.
How much of that shit had Conrad inherited? How much of that horrible person lurked in Conrad’s DNA?
“Forget it,” Nikki said, breaking into his heavy thoughts before the last one could gain even more momentum. “I’m not all that great at letting anyone else help me, either.”
His thoughts drifted back to the current situation. He was wanted for murder. He was on the run. Now, there was a reward being offered for Nikki’s safe return, which all but announced to the world that he’d abducted her and was holding her hostage. This newsflash would put everyone who came in contact with them on guard. Few folks knew him as well as the Zilkers did. Others would treat him as dangerous.
Could this situation get any worse?
The rest of the walk was spent in silence. It was black as pitch outside. The coats supplied by the Zilkers kept them both from freezing as the temperature noticeably dropped every half hour.
Words weren’t Conrad’s strong suit. Talking to Nikki had come naturally, and he’d still managed to screw that up. He was cursed.
“You’ve been quiet for a long time,” Nikki said. “What’s going on?”
“It’s fine,” he said. “We’re almost to the barn.” They’d been walking on Sturgess property for the past hour and forty-five minutes. It was late, and internal lights would be out at the main house. External lights would be a different story. The barn would be lit as well as the pathway leading to the house.
They were coming in from behind so they could walk in the shadows until they were within spitting distance of the building, which would take another five to seven minutes.
“Can we stop for a second?” Nikki asked.
Conrad obliged.
“What’s the plan here? I mean, are we heading to the barn or the murder site? Are we sticking together or breaking up in case one of us gets caught? Is there a meetup plan?”
Having a plan would eliminate confusion. “We can make those decisions right now.”
“Okay, what about staying together or breaking up?” she asked.
“I think it’s best to split up,” he stated.
“Why is that?”
“In case I’m found first,” he reasoned. “Whoever finds me won’t be as likely to shoot at first sight because they’ll wonder where you are.”
Nikki gasped. “Is that a real threat? You being shot at?”
“It is now that there’s a reward for your safe return,” he said.
“My stepfather,” she muttered. “He thinks he’s helping, but he’s making everything worse.”
“He’s looking out for you,” Conrad corrected. And, yes, it was only making the situation worse for him. Having strangers do the work of locating her and ensuring she returned to her family unharmed had been a smart move on her stepfather’s behalf.
“He needs to be less protective,” she said with a frustrated grunt. “It’s good that he wants to help me, but he confronted one of my exes who broke it off and only made everything worse. And now, despite his good intentions, he’s making it worse for you, too.”
“I can’t fault him for this one.”
“So, we split up,” she said, resigned.
Conrad took note of the subject change. “Searching for blood-stained clothing in the wooded area makes sense, except that using any kind of light would only draw attention to us.”
“I thought the same thing about everything we’re trying to do,” she said. “What about in the barn?”
“There’s always some kind of light on inside,” he said.
“What if someone catches us?” she asked. “We should figure out a meetup spot in case one of us is detained or if this whole thing goes south.”
“Run as deep into the woods as you can without being caught,” Conrad said.
“Damn, it’s a good thing you’re here because I never would’ve thought of running away on my own,” she quipped. “I’m talking about once the dust settles. How do we find each other again?”
Conrad was reasonably certain Nikki was going to ditch him the second she believed she didn’t need him any longer. So, no, he hadn’t really thought about a meetup spot. She would never find the fort again on her own. She didn’t know the property like he did. Where could he suggest? “If this really goes south, I could end up in jail, so I wouldn’t want you to wait anywhere for me.”
“I’d bring bail money.”
“Why?”
“Because we are no closer to finding out who really did this than we were before, and I already told you that I plan to see this through to the end,” she said. The determination in her voice reminded him that arguing would do no good. They’d been down that path—the one where he’d tried to save her and had only ended up hurting her.
Rather than argue about whether or not a judge would even set bail, considering Conrad might now fall into the category of a “flight risk,” he nodded.
A small fire lit inside him at the thought Nikki would fight this hard to not only help but ensure his freedom.
Was hope dangerous?