Chapter 31
CJ
CJ felt guilty for enjoying herself so soon after Frank’s death.
She didn’t deserve it. That’s why she’d almost told Ocean not to help her settle in.
However, she could imagine Frank’s teasing dismay if she clung to her unhappiness.
She could imagine his insistence that she resume life without him.
She could even more vividly imagine him laughing at her dippiness about Ocean.
He’d always been baffled but supportive that she’d dated both men and women.
He’d said awkward things, but never maliciously—and he’d loved when she’d mocked him for being an elderly fuddy-duddy.
He would’ve liked Ocean. Well, he would’ve thought Ocean was “the man” that a woman like CJ needed, because Ocean was strong and direct and no-bullshit.
There was nothing masculine about her, though. She was fiercely female. And intense enough that her undiluted focus made CJ a little weak in the knees.
CJ was a full head taller than Ocean, yet constantly struggled against the urge to fall into her arms. At least for now.
Ocean already took care of her kids, Mrs. B, and her neighbors—CJ didn’t want to become another item on that list. She wanted to take care of Ocean.
Now that Frank was gone, she had room in her life for someone else.
Someone who didn’t need their medications sorted.
And while CJ wasn’t surprised at how much she missed Frank, she was a little taken aback that she also missed caring for someone. How central that was to her nature.
She wanted to be the person Ocean needed, not just the other way around.
So while they’d spent the last two hours together, drinking mojitos and setting up her new cottage, she hadn’t let Ocean fetch her birds. Instead, she’d taken up Pax on his offer to bring the parakeets from Hope Ranch.
“You really had a crush on him?” Ocean asked, tightening the kitchen sink faucet to stop a slow leak.
“For twenty minutes, yeah.” She closed the silverware drawer. “I mean, he’s gorgeous.”
“As an artist, I cannot disagree.”
“And he’s got gentle energy, you know? Plus, he doesn’t make fun of my crystals.”
“I’m glad you’re wearing them again.” Ocean stepped closer and touched the crystals hanging on CJ’s necklace. “They’re very you.”
CJ felt her breath catch—and her phone dinged on the counter. She ignored it, too busy basking in Ocean’s attention, but Ocean looked and said, “That’s Pax, he just parked with the birds.”
“Okay.”
“How long have you had them?” Ocean asked.
“The birds? Uh, I got Mouse like ten years ago. He needed a friend so I got Mona a couple months later.”
“Frank didn’t mind them in the house?”
“He liked them. Everyone likes them. Even Karina. Pax brings them persimmons from his tree.”
“Them or you?”
CJ felt herself grin. “Are you jealous? Sadly, them.”
“Were you the one who found Pax for Frank?”
“No. One of his old guy friends recommended him.”
“When was that?”
“Are you interrogating me?”
“Just trying to prove your innocence.”
“Hm. I guess Pax started coming around maybe six months ago? His business card says, ‘Many Hands Make Light Work.’ I think that’s, like, his personal motto. Always happy to pitch in.”
“Did you ever get a massage?”
“Nah. It would’ve been weird.” She shot Ocean a flirtatious look. “I could use one, though. My shoulders are killing me.”
“I’m good at back rubs. Sculptor’s arms.”
“I’ll be the judge of that…”
“We’re here!” Pax called from the front door.
“Rain check,” CJ said, then downed the end of her mojito before heading to the living room.
Pax carried the birdcage inside, wearing a long-sleeved tee with a graphic of a colorful Darth Vader holding a gift basket above the logo DARTH NEIGHBOR.
“Two parakeets,” he announced, “straight from Costa Rica.”
“They’re from Australia,” CJ told him.
“Oh. I don’t know why I thought that.”
“Probably all the Costa Rica maps in my room.”
“What’s up with those?” Ocean asked, because she’d hung two of the framed ones.
“I spent a few months there on holiday. I loved it.”
“When was that?”
“Frank took me. He expensed me as a secretary but it was mostly an excuse to share a luxury vacation with me.”
“What a boss,” Pax said, setting the cage in the corner.
“Yeah. He took me on most of his trips before he married Karina. He liked the company, and—”
Out of nowhere CJ began to weep. She couldn’t speak, and she couldn’t stop, so she rushed to the bathroom. She looked at herself in the mirror for a long, ugly moment. Then splashed water on her face. Then she kept crying, so she splashed more water on her face.
When she’d finally pulled herself together, Pax was gone and Ocean was waiting at the kitchen table.
CJ wanted Ocean to hold her and rock her, and promise her that everything would be all right.
But she didn’t want to add to her burden.
She didn’t want this new fragile relationship to be based upon needing comfort while she mourned Frank.
She sniffled. “I just think I need some time alone.”
Ocean stood from the table with a soft smile. “Let me know when you want that back rub.”