Muse

Chapter 23

twenty-three

. . .

Gavin

The shoot was over.

Jordana lay asleep in my bed, one arm flung above her head, her breasts peeking above the rumpled covers. Her curls fanned out on my pillow, the rust red of old oak leaves.

This girl, sleeping in my bed, had me in the palm of her hand. She owned me, and she had no idea.

Slowly, because it hurt to leave her, I climbed out of bed, pausing to admire how beautiful she looked. Her makeup kissed and cried off, her lips curved in a peaceful smile.

I planned to stay awake for a few hours, editing tonight’s photos. But when I went to shower off the sex, the water suddenly turned cold.

It wasn’t the first time. The building was old. The water heater needed replacing. But the icy shock woke me up, and when I stepped out and grabbed my towel, everything looked different.

Grout peeled in the bathroom; tiles were missing like broken teeth. The varnish on the hallway floor was worn and scratched. The cheap furniture in my living room didn’t distract from the stain on the ceiling, and the art looked lonely on the walls.

Jordana claimed my apartment was a palace, but eventually she’d see the truth: the palace was an illusion. All of this really was too beautiful to last.

She wouldn’t want to be with a man struggling to restart his life, almost a decade older, when the world was her oyster. I’d only hold her back.

My monitor glowed accusingly, but I couldn’t edit the photos right — I kept over-correcting, overthinking.

The walls of my apartment were closing in, reminding me of my past mistakes.

I’d fucked up my marriage, my obsession with my art had fucked it up, and moving to a new place didn’t make me a new man.

I grabbed my jacket and shoes. Without Jordana’s hopefulness, I had to escape before I went down a tunnel of self-recrimination. It was getting harder to breathe. I’d worked myself into a dark hole in New York; I knew the signs.

I left a note on the nightstand and headed into the cold, biting night.

At ten-thirty pm in Hawthorne, options were limited. As a faculty hangout, the Mug and Trencher didn’t appeal, and Uncle Charlie’s held memories of ordering Jordana to crawl to me.

But Korner Koffee was bustling. I entered the warm, brightly lit shop on the heels of a group of students.

Ordering a black coffee, I sat in the back by the bar. I wanted to be left alone, but Matt, the bearded proprietor, insisted on making conversation.

“Great band!” He nodded at my sweatshirt. “You know they’re coming in July for the Rose and Thorne summer festival?”

“That’s pretty far off,” I muttered. “We’ll see how long I stay in Hawthorne.”

Matt laughed. “You just moved here! Give it a chance.”

He turned to help two students at the counter. I sipped my coffee. The rich aroma was inviting, but it didn’t lift my mood. I considered taking it to go so I wouldn’t trouble anyone with my morose company.

But when Matt finished the order, I cleared my throat.

“You like Hawthorne, don’t you? Keep convincing me. Sell me on it.”

He grinned. “Now you sound like a New Yorker. I’ll do better than that. You know the Fall Leaf Festival this weekend?”

Jordana had mentioned it the night we met. I imagined us going as a couple. Holding hands, laughing. Openly together and happy.

I shrugged. “I’m a newcomer, remember?”

“Well, it starts Friday night. Runs all day Saturday and Sunday, here on the main drag. We’ve got booths for local food and brews, crafts, live music. Let’s meet up! I’ll show you around, introduce you to everybody.”

The bell over the door jingled, and Matt looked over.

“Hey, Eden!” he hollered. “Where’s your other half? Thought you two were attached at the hip.”

Jordana’s roommate stood at the entrance with Corey at her side. Heads turned toward the door.

“I don’t know, Matt,” she called. “She’s been out every night this week. I’ve got good company, though.”

She gave Corey a friendly hug. He hooked an arm around her neck, nodding at the room like a king acknowledging his subjects.

Eden’s gaze fell on me, and she smiled in surprise. Corey’s eyes followed, squinting with utter loathing.

He steered Eden to the counter. After he made a big deal about paying for her coffee and swaggered off to the restrooms, she walked straight to my seat.

“Gavin! Hi!” She extended her hand. “I’m Eden — Stella, in Streetcar. We met at that party after the tech rehearsal on Saturday?”

“I remember.” Bemused, I shook her hand. There was a sweetness to Eden’s face that made me want to go easy on her.

“Can I sit with you for a minute?”

Caught off guard, I gestured to the chair across from mine. “Please.”

She plopped down and leaned toward me. Her blonde-streaked hair was coming loose from its braid, scattering over her bright-blue sweater.

I’d called Jordana innocent in our shoot, but Eden really did look innocent. Life had obviously treated her kindly. Her wide brown eyes held every expectation that she’d be met with warmth and good cheer.

“I know about you and Jorie,” she whispered. “Don’t worry. Your secret is safe.”

“Thanks.” I smiled in spite of myself.

“Can you promise me something?”

“I’ll see what I can do.”

Her voice dropped to a whisper. “Please don’t hurt her.”

I blinked.

“You make her happy, Gavin. I love seeing her happy. But she’s never had something like this before, and even though she acts like she handle anything, she’s really sensitive underneath.

She’s fragile. I just want you to be good to my friend, okay?

I know I sound like an overprotective mother hen.

But Jorie’s parents were never available to care about the men in her life. Someone’s got to do it.”

My chest tightened, as if constricting against arrows lobbed at my defenses. I wanted to protect Jordana as much as Eden did. The last thing I wanted was to hurt her.

“Gavin?” Eden’s voice softened.

“Jordana’s in good hands,” I said quietly. “She’s asleep at my place. I’m fueling up before I work tonight. And yes, she can be fragile. But she’s also strong.”

“She is! I admire her so much. Jorie’s my favorite person in the world outside of my family. She’s like the sister I never had. I hope you’ll understand if I’m a little protective.”

“She’s lucky to have you as a friend.”

Eden assessed me with hopeful eyes. “I can see why she likes you. Please treat her very, very well.”

There was a stir in the coffee shop. The crown jewel of the Hawthorne theater department had emerged from the restroom, running his fingers oh-so-casually through his sandy hair. He glanced around the room, taking in the admiring gazes. When he saw Eden sitting with me, his lips compressed.

Eden spotted him and waved. “Corey, you remember Gavin?”

Now I saw the acting talent everyone raved about. That blandly handsome face lit up like I was a long-lost friend.

“Gavin, hey! Good to see you, man!”

He strode toward me. To avoid a scene, I shook his outstretched hand and got a bone-crushing clasp. I squeezed harder. His smile stretched wide to mask a wince.

“Great coffee here. Eden likes the maple latte, don’t you?” He slid a possessive arm around her.

Eden blushed, oblivious to his manipulative charms. I wanted to tell her exactly who her beau really was — a liar, a two-timer, a pathetic piece of shit.

But it was Jordana’s place to give Eden the truth.

Corey was still smiling at me. My fist itched to meet his mouth.

“So, Gavin,” he said. “Tell us all about yourself.”

“Not much to tell.”

“That so? You’re pretty…what’s the word? Mysterious.”

“Gavin’s not mysterious,” Eden put in. “He’s nice! He’s just quiet and wears a lot of black.”

“Yeah?” Corey patted her shoulder. “What do you know about Gavin?”

“I know he just moved here,” she said cheerily. “So we should make him feel welcome.”

“That’s right.” He looked me over. “You’re new in town.”

I gave a clipped nod.

“From New York, right?” he persisted. “I bet you miss it. Big city, lots of opportunities… You probably won't stay long in Hawthorne. It’s a nice place, but there's not much to do if you're not part of the college.”

“But Gavin’s going to teach at Hawthorne next semester!” Eden put in. “Right?”

“Maybe,” I allowed.

“Well, that’s great,” Corey said affably. “Good luck with that.” He turned to Eden. “Ready?”

Eden popped up as if cued. Corey whisked their drinks off the bar and handed over her latte to go.

“It was so nice talking with you.” She beamed at me.

“Likewise. See you tomorrow night. Break a leg.”

Corey dragged her away with an arm around her waist. He nuzzled her neck to make it seem adorable instead of controlling.

“Corey! That tickles.” She giggled.

Other girls watched them, eyes lingering a beat too long.

The scene felt surreal, like I’d been dropped into another world after the shoot with Jordana. A college scene, where I could only be an observer. I had no business getting mixed up in Jordana’s life.

I wished Matt farewell after finishing my coffee and headed out into the cold night. The wind whistled and moaned between shuttered brick buildings. All I wanted was to hold Jordana. To permit myself that luxury before reality set it.

Turning right, I almost bumped into Corey and Eden. They stood on an empty stretch of sidewalk, framed by the window of a dry cleaners shop, lit by twinkle lights on the trees.

I stepped into the shadows. They were too focused on each other to notice me.

Tipping her chin, he leaned in.

Eden pulled away. “Corey!”

“What? You don’t want me to kiss you?”

“We’re having fun. I’m not looking to start anything again between us. I don’t even have time for a boy right now.”

“No?” He stroked her cheek. “You know I’ll wait as long as you need me to.”

“Corey…”

“Being around you is enough. You’re perfect, Eden. You’re pure.”

I wanted to gag. What did he think he was doing? Splitting himself between Jordana, the “dirty” one, and Eden, the “pure” one? This game wouldn’t last.

“I’m not perfect,” Eden insisted.

“Just let me see you the way you deserve.”

Enough of this pretender. Veering away, I headed for an alley that would let me out behind my apartment.

“Wait in the car, okay, baby?” Corey’s voice drifted on the wind. “I need to take care of something.”

My stride quickened as Eden agreed. I’d stayed too long, watching a scene that wasn’t my business.

Heavy footsteps sounded behind me.

“Hey. Gavin.”

Corey stood in the entrance to the alley. Streetlights outlined his bulky shape, his arms hanging at his sides. Blanche delivered a scathing speech in Streetcar comparing Stanley to an ape of the jungle, and it was accurate.

“What’s your deal?” His voice was rough, the pleasant veneer gone.

“Excuse me?” I said coldly.

He walked closer, barely visible in the poorly lit alley. “You don’t belong here.”

“In this alley? I wouldn’t pick it for a heart-to-heart.”

“In Hawthorne.”

Against my better judgment, I took the bait. “And you do?”

He flinched. “You think I’m not good enough for this place? Think I should go back to my pathetic little town like an animal in its cage?”

“Your words, not mine.” I held my ground, scanning him for sudden movements.

Growing up in a scrappy neighborhood, I’d developed fast reflexes.

I itched to take this guy down a peg, to puncture his lies and entitlement.

“You might want to think about how you talk to Eden. Seems there’s a lot she doesn’t know about you.

She’d be pretty upset if she found out the truth. ”

He stared at me, mouth agape. “Yeah? Does she know about the kinky shit you’ve got on your computer? Bet she wouldn’t be smiling so big at you then.”

Fuck. He’d seen the picture of Jordana. She was right — the world would see it soon enough. But right now, it was private; she was private, and this jackass was the last person who should know.

I regarded him contemptuously. “I know about guys like you. You think you’re special, and that puts you above the rules of basic decency. But you’re not special. You’re not above the rules. I’m going to say this once and only once: leave Jordana alone.”

His fists clenched restlessly at his sides. “I knew it. I fucking knew it. She’s spreading her legs for you the way she does for everyone in this town.”

A dull roar filled my ears. To hell with secrecy and holding back. All I wanted to do was pull Jordana close and bellow mine to the world.

He got right up in my face. “You think you’re special? Think you can get between us? She’ll forget you as soon as you’re gone. She will always remember me.”

I smiled. “I think she’s already forgotten you.”

His nostrils flared.

“If you insult her one more time, bother her, intimidate her, threaten her — even look at her wrong — I’ll make sure you never get the chance again.”

Corey sputtered. “Well, if you interfere with me and Eden…I’ll hurt you.”

“Go ahead. Give me one opportunity.”

A blink betrayed his fear.

“Corey!” Eden called from around the corner.

He stiffened.

“Are you peeing in that alley?” she teased. “Don’t tell me you’re marking your territory.”

“Just hang on,” he called back. “Unless you want to help me out.”

His voice was equally teasing, but his eyes narrowed.

“Like I said,” he whispered, “you don’t belong here. You should leave town before someone gets hurt.”

“Won’t be me,” I said calmly.

“You sure about that? You sure I’m only talking about you?”

“Corey!” Eden yelled. “Coffee is getting cold!”

His eyes bored into mine.

“Don’t worry, baby,” he called to Eden. “I’ll warm you up.”

Shooting me a look of hatred, he disappeared into the alley’s darkness.