Chapter Nineteen
It took me several minutes to convince Alex I was okay. He held me close, stroking my hair and kissing the crown of my head as I tried to control my emotions.
“I swear I’m fine,” I told him. “I just haven’t slept, and between this gift and”—I gestured to the rumpled sheets around us—“I’m a tad emotional.”
“That makes sense.” Alex pushed a curl back from my cheek. “Why don’t you freshen up? Take a shower even. And then maybe we can find a panadería or doughnut shop that’s open and pick up some pastries before heading back to your parents’ house. How does that sound?”
“Good.” Taking a moment to brush the lingering wetness from under my eyes, I smiled weakly at Alex. “Thank you for being so kind to me.”
His dark gaze holding mine, Alex cupped my cheek and slowly leaned forward to kiss me. Although my mind screamed at me to break away, to not allow him any more liberties, my heart—my traitorous heart—urged me to lean closer, especially because I now knew how good he tasted.
A moment later, I managed to pull away, promising Alex I would be out in a few minutes.
Gripping the edges of the sink, I stared at my reflection in the bathroom mirror.
My curls were in disarray, and red marks, which I assumed came from Alex’s early-morning stubble, covered my chest and neck.
Red, swollen lips were contrasted by my eyes, large and bright and smudged with mascara.
I looked like I had been thoroughly fucked.
Thoroughly fucked by my best friend’s boyfriend.
Clamping my eyes closed, I slapped my hand over my mouth and let out a muffled shriek. What in the hell had I done? I had prided myself on being a good friend, especially to Caitlin, who always had people looking to benefit from their proximity to her. Yet hadn’t I just done the same thing?
Why did I have to feel more alive, more like myself, with the one man I could only ever have illicitly?
With a groan, I flipped on the sink faucet and reached for Alex’s face wash.
I desperately wanted to rid myself of the makeup I had been wearing since the night before, and I figured that since Alex had already seen me naked, perhaps he wouldn’t be so surprised to see me au naturel.
When my face was clean, I borrowed some of his toothpaste and brushed my teeth with my finger.
I did my best to tame my mass of curls and then wrapped a towel around my body before cracking the door open.
Alex sat on the love seat I had occupied earlier, dressed in the clothes he’d laid out before we’d had sex.
I approached him cautiously, unsure of how I was supposed to act—what would be the best way to act?
—now that we were officially cheaters. Should I mention Caitlin?
What if he didn’t want to talk about her…
or worse, what if he flat-out stated he had no intention of breaking up with her?
Could I possibly live with myself if I was the other woman?
Wasn’t I already the other woman? Nausea bubbled up my throat, and I pressed my lips together tightly.
“Are you okay?” Alex asked, jumping up and walking toward me. “I hoped you’d feel better after washing up.”
“I do. I’m fine.” I swiveled my head to look around the room. “I just need to find my clothes and get dressed.”
“They’re right there,” he said, jerking his thumb to where he had laid out on the bed not just my jumpsuit, but my bra and panties, too. Seeing that Alex had displayed them in such an intimate way sent flames licking across my cheeks.
To my surprise, Alex helped me dress. Like a Victorian lady’s maid, he held out my panties for me to step into…
until he popped the waistband on my ass.
Then, as I slipped the bra around my torso he stepped behind me to fasten the clasp, smoothing his hands around my body to cup my breasts when he was done.
And when I slipped on the jumpsuit, Alex dragged up the zipper, pressing a kiss to the side of my neck when he was done.
“Now that I’ve finally kissed you, I don’t ever want to stop,” he whispered, his nose nudging against the sensitive shell of my ear.
Without thought, I turned until I could link my arms around his neck and rise on my tiptoes to kiss him. The verdict was in: I didn’t want him to stop kissing me, either.
Several lurching heartbeats later, Alex broke away with a gasp, releasing me from his embrace and taking a giant step backward.
“If we don’t stop now, I’m going to have you out of that jumpsuit and your ankles will be around your ears.”
“Oh,” I breathed, smoothing my hands down my thighs. “That doesn’t sound so bad.”
“Sofia,” Alex groaned, covering his eyes with his arm. “If I don’t get you back there soon, Javi is going to kick my ass.”
The mention of my brother was a douse of ice water to the face, and I immediately turned to grab my coat. “We need to grab some pan dulces or doughnuts to throw him off our scent,” I said, and Alex laughed while he nodded his head in agreement.
As we walked to his car, I pulled my phone out of my coat pocket and saw I had several text notifications. My stomach sank when I saw one of them was from Caitlin.
Caitlin: Merry Christmas, bestie! I can’t wait to see you, Alex, and Denise next week. Please give all my love to your family.
“You look like you saw a ghost. Or a really awful dick pic.” Alex glanced over at me with raised brows. “Are you okay?”
No, everything was not okay. I didn’t know who I was anymore or what the hell I was doing, and I was terrified.
But Alex’s fathomless dark eyes stared back at me with such concern, my ribs squeezed tight and I exhaled.
“Everything’s great. It’s already been the best Christmas ever.” I placed my hand over his on the center console. “Now let’s find some pastries.”
Alex’s dimple winked at me as he turned his hand until he could clasp mine. “Just tell me where to go.”
—
We returned to my parents’ house twenty minutes later after successfully locating a twenty-four-hour doughnut shop. No one was awake when we arrived, so I quietly brewed a pot of coffee and then changed from my jumpsuit into a cozy pair of leggings and a fluffy cashmere sweater.
I found Alex reclined on the love seat on the patio, a throw blanket around his shoulders and a cup of coffee in his hand.
On a plate on his lap sat an old-fashioned doughnut, which he ate while he watched the quail, doves, and wrens squabble over the bird feed Papí always left out for them.
The sun had not yet risen over the distant Rincon Mountains, but the sky was streaked with gold, amethyst, and coral, a crisp winter desert note in the air.
It was one of my favorite times of year, when it was chilly, sometimes even cold, without being biting, and everything felt fresh.
I had long viewed the mild desert winter as a reward for the brutal hot summer.
It occurred to me on a stutter of breath that it was Alex’s first December in Arizona.
His first Christmas. I was so lucky to spend all these firsts with him.
Balancing my own cup of coffee and an apple fritter, I joined him on the love seat, exchanging his smile with one of my own.
With soft murmurs and muffled laughter, we swapped stories from Christmases past, and it was lovely to get another peek at the experiences that made Alex who he was.
Although it sounded like he fought with his sisters more often than not, he also spoke of them fondly with a hint of wistfulness in his voice that betrayed his homesickness.
I wished I could wrap my arms around him and cuddle into his side, but I settled for pressing my thigh against his, hoping my presence was a balm.
Papí joined us on the patio sometime later, a cup of coffee in one hand, a jelly doughnut in the other, and a glazed doughnut caught between his teeth.
Eventually everyone trickled out onto the patio, lured by our laughter and the beautiful, crisp weather.
Soon we traded coffee for mimosas and Bloody Marys, and doughnuts for scrambled eggs and French toast casserole.
My tío, tití, and their flock of kids arrived around midday, and the volume in the house increased exponentially.
Gianna and Andrea cornered me in the living room to talk about my TikTok channel and offered tips they were certain my millennial ass didn’t know.
To be fair, I didn’t know all the things they shared, but I knew some, and I tried not to be smug about it.
Alex joined the others to watch the NBA game, and my Tío Alejandro and Roman were floored when they learned he used to work for the Cosmos.
They bombarded him with questions about his time working in the league, before the conversation turned toward the WNBA and women’s sports in general.
It was impossible for me not to grin as Alex spoke passionately about how talented and professional the players were, and his hopes that the league’s popularity continued to grow because the players deserved more pay than what they currently received.
Christmas Day was always low-key and relaxing, a much needed reprieve from the celebratory vibes of Nochebuena.
And seeing as how I had not slept the night before, my energy waned by early afternoon.
Before I slipped away to my room for a nap, I spied Alex dozing in the corner of the sectional, and I watched as Mamí spread a blanket over him.
In my room, I curled up on my bed, cocooning myself in a nest of blankets.
I expected to crash immediately, but I should have known better.
For in the quiet of the room, all the thoughts that had haunted the outer recesses of my mind came roaring in to take center stage.
You’re so selfish. What a whore. How could you betray your best friend? Caitlin is going to be devastated.
Exhausted and overwhelmed, I buried my face in the pillow and cried. And when my throat was raw and I could barely open my swollen eyes, I sank into a deep sleep.