CHAPTER 112
Ryan's POV
"Oh yes… yes… fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" The girl on my TV screamed like her whole world was shattering apart from the way the guy was pounding into her? and for some stupid reason? I just sat there? staring at the screen like an idiot? letting the sounds get into my head while my eyes refused to blink? my jaw clenched so tight it hurt? and all I could think about was her.
anna.
I didn't even know when my hand started moving under the blanket or when my cock started getting hard again? but the second my fingers brushed over it? I cursed and yanked my hand away like I'd touched fire.
I wasn't hard because of the stupid porn.
Hell? I didn't even give a shit about the actors moaning like dying cats on screen.
I was hard because I was thinking about my little sister. My fucking little sister.
I buried my face in my palms? groaning in pure frustration as I leaned back against the couch like the weight of the world was pressing down on me.
What the fuck was wrong with me?
I hated this. I hated myself. I hated how even after all this time? even after running halfway across the damn country? changing cities? drowning myself in work? I still couldn't get her out of my head.
It didn't matter how much time passed? or how much I tried to stay away? anna was still in there, under my skin? in my blood? in the fucking beat of my heart.
I was twenty-three. acting CEO of Wolfe International's Nivelle branch. Smart. Disciplined. In control. at least that's what everyone believed.
But no one knew the truth. That I was barely holding it together. That I'd moved here not for independence or opportunity, but because I was scared. Scared of what I'd do if I ever got too close to anna again.
The girl I'd grown up calling my little sister. The girl who wasn't really my sister by blood? but had been raised like one. The girl who kissed me five years ago and ruined every fucking thing I thought I knew about myself.
I hadn't stepped foot in that house since the day I left for college.
Not even after graduation. When Mom called and begged me to come home? I always had a reason.
Work? deadlines? business meetings? travel.
and she always let it slide? thinking I was just busy being successful? but the truth was…
I was running. Running from anna. From myself.
From what that kiss did to me. How it fucked me up in ways I couldn't even begin to explain.
and I knew? deep down? that it wasn't just about lust.
It was more.
Way more.
Every time she was around me back then? it was like my body would go still? my senses sharpened? and something primal inside me would react to her. I didn't understand it. I didn't want to understand it. I just knew it scared the hell out of me.
I thought leaving would help. That maybe if I stayed far away? the obsession would die down.
But it didn't. If anything? it got worse.
Because no matter how many girls I met? none of them made my body react.
None of them made my cock hardened. None of them stirred my wolf.
None of them made me feel anything. Not even a damn twitch.
It was like my entire being was locked? like my desire? my hunger? my fire? was made for just one girl.
Her.
anna.
and the more I tried to convince myself it was just a phase? the more I realized it wasn't. Not when every time I pictured what sex would feel like? it was always her. Her body. Her skin. Her lips. Her fucking scent. Even when I didn't want it to be her? it was always anna.
Maybe that's why I never touched anyone else.
Why I was still a goddamn virgin. Because no matter how many girls tried to get close? none of them ever did it for me.
I tried? Goddess knows I tried. For my sanity? for some kind of relief.
I'd go out? flirt? even get to the point of touching? but the moment it got real? something inside me just shut down.
My body didn't respond. My mind couldn't focus.
Because it wasn't her. It was never her.
and if it wasn't anna… then I didn't want it.
Some nights? it honestly feels like I might die a virgin.
a grown man like me? untouched? because the only person I've ever truly wanted is the one girl I can't fucking have.
So yeah… I help myself in the bathroom at times.
I watch porn like every other messed-up guy out there.
But even then? it's her I see. Her moans I hear in my head. Her face I picture when I cum.
I stood up abruptly? yanked the remote and switched the damn TV off before I lost the last bit of control I had left.
"Fuck this?" I muttered under my breath as I walked straight to the bathroom and twisted the cold water on full blast.
The water hit my body like ice? but I didn't care.
I wanted the sting. I needed it. anything to shut my brain off and make my cock stop throbbing.
I leaned my forehead against the tile wall? water dripping from my hair? my back rising and falling? and I stayed there until the moaning in my head was replaced by the sound of water splashing against porcelain.
and then the doorbell rang.
Once.
Twice.
Then three times.
I frowned. Nobody visited me. Especially not unannounced. It was Sunday? and this was my only damn rest day. Who the hell—?
I grabbed a towel? wrapped it tight around my waist? and headed to the door? still dripping wet and annoyed as fuck.
I opened the door.
and my breath caught in my throat.
"Mom?" I blinked in surprise? completely thrown off by the fact that she was standing there with a bright smile on her face like this was just a normal? casual drop-by.
She didn't call. She never came here without calling.
"I know? I know?" she said? raising her hands in defense like she was reading my mind. "I should've told you we were coming? but it was kind of a last-minute thing."
We?
My eyes moved behind her—
and there she was.
anna.
Wearing a soft pink crop top and jeans that hugged her like they were made for her body.
Her dark hair was longer now? curled slightly at the ends.
Her eyes were wide when they met mine. Her lips parted like she was about to say something but froze.
and just like that? everything I'd been fighting? everything I'd been running from? came rushing back and slammed into me all at once.
Heat.
Lust.
Longing.
Pain.
She smiled softly. "Hi, Ryan…"
My throat dried up. My heart slammed against my ribs so hard I thought I might actually pass out.
She was here.
Right here.
and all I could do was stare at her like she was some forbidden fruit I was dying to taste but knew would burn me alive the second I touched it.
My towel suddenly felt way too thin.
and the only thing echoing in my head? louder than my pulse? louder than reason? was one word.
Mate.