Chapter 41
~Elle~
Motel.
“I can’t believe this. Oh God! This can’t be happening.” Grabbing up the discarded package again, to ensure that this was not a mistake.
The flickering ceiling lights in this dingy motel bathroom illuminates the white and blue stick resting on the bathroom counter. My vision becomes blurred, as I look at the two blue lines that indicate that I’m pregnant.
Heart racing, knees going weak; I slid on to the bathroom floor sobbing uncontrollably. After all the upheaval, fear and despair, thinking that my missed period was due to stress.
I should have known better. When I was beginning to think that my life couldn’t get any more complicated. This happens. Now it’s not just me existing in this messed up world. I’ll soon have another tiny being who’d be dependent on me. Someone who didn’t ask to be here.
After all the chaos and uncertainty of my upbringing, I didn’t want to bring a child into the instability that is now my world. A month ago, news of a pregnancy would have added to my happiness.
We had our future planned together. But then he betrayed me. I should have known that he didn’t really want someone like me. Someone who was discarded by the very same people who were supposed to love and care for me.
Going from one foster home to another. Finally, finding someone to belong to. I should have known that it wouldn’t last. Nobody stays for long. The humming of the bathroom vent lolls me to sleep.
I’m startled awake by the slamming of a door in the apartment adjacent to mine. Getting up slowly as my limbs were stiff, I moved back into the bedroom. My hands unconsciously moved over my flat abdomen.
“You are not going to feel unwanted like I did. I’m going to love you and take care of you.” I can’t let him know. If I do, he’ll drag me back into his world and it won’t be because he wants me.
It's been three days since I ran. I can’t bear the humiliation that I feel whenever I remember his words.
The pain of being unwanted cripples me. It’s incomparable to the physical pain from the blow to my head when the bitch Catalina kidnapped me.
The throbbing ache is more of a nuisance than the crippling agony of having my heart broken.
How can I blame him? He never lied to me.
When Dominic suggested marriage, he made it clear—protection, repayment of a debt.
Never love. He couldn’t reciprocate, and that isn’t his fault.
But calling me docile, dismissing me as unsatisfying during sex…
that cut deeper than any truth. No woman deserves such public humiliation.
To have your supposed inadequacy laid bare threatens to unravel years of hard-earned self-esteem.
Dominic made it clear: I was never worthy of his love.
Just days ago, I was happy. Or so I thought.
That illusion shattered behind the red curtain, where I sat forced into that despicable corset, paraded like a prostitute.
I prayed, every second, for Dominic to rescue me.
Finally, when I heard his beloved voice growling, “fuck you” I was hopeful.
That hope was soon shattered by his words.
“It isn’t because I have any feelings for her.
” And while my heart was breaking, the bitch was looking at me with smug satisfaction.
I felt no remorse when Dante ended her, when she tried to drag me away.
Before this nightmare, I had suspected I might be pregnant. I had dreamed of confirming it, of sharing the news with Dominic. That dream is gone now.
But one truth remains: I will take care of my baby.