Chapter 5 Mayson
five
Mayson
Finally, in the early hours of morning, we lie tangled together, her head on my chest, my hand stroking her hair.
"You still leaving tomorrow?" I ask quietly.
"I have to. I need to know if they're there."
"And if they're not?"
She's quiet for a long time. Then: "Then maybe I come back here. If you'll have me."
A bell rings in the distance. One of the early warning systems she set up.
We're both instantly alert, reaching for weapons, pulling on clothes. The bell rings again, more insistent.
"Raiders?" she asks.
"Or zombies. Or your convoy found us."
We move to the window, weapons ready. In the pre-dawn light, I can make out shapes approaching through the trees. Multiple figures, armed, moving with purpose.
"That's a lot of people," Ruby says.
"Too many for raiders."
The lead figure steps into the clearing, and I see him clearly in the growing light. Military bearing, scarred face, rifle held with professional competence.
Ruby gasps. "Holy shit. That's Devin. That's our convoy leader."
"They found you."
"They found me."
She sounds happy. Relieved. And also, unless I'm reading her wrong, a little conflicted.
The group approaches cautiously until Ruby opens the door and steps out onto the porch.
"Devin!" she calls. "I'm here! I'm safe!"
"Ruby!" A man breaks from the group, jogging forward. He's probably mid-forties, built like he was military before the outbreak. "Christ, we've been looking everywhere. When you didn't show at any of the checkpoints, I thought the worst."
"The storm scattered us. Dave died in the crash." Her voice catches. "His truck rolled."
Devin's expression darkens. "We lost two other vehicles too. Storm was worse than we thought, and raiders hit us hard while we were separated. We've been regrouping, but we couldn't leave without checking for survivors."
"How many did we lose?"
"Seven dead. Four missing, including you until now. The others made it to Dawson Ridge. We're staged there now."
While they're talking, the rest of the convoy group fans out, professional and wary. They eye me with suspicion, weapons not quite pointed but ready.
"Who's this?" Devin asks, nodding toward me.
"Mayson Clarke. He saved my life, gave me shelter, kept me safe." Ruby glances at me. "I owe him everything."
"Appreciate you taking care of our girl," Devin says, extending a hand. I shake it, noting the firm grip, the assessing eyes. "We'd like to repay the favor. Come back with us—we have food, supplies, safety in numbers."
"I'm fine where I am," I say.
"Man's a hermit, Devin," Ruby explains. "He's been out here alone for two years."
"By choice, I'm guessing?"
"Something like that."
Devin studies me for a moment, then nods. "Fair enough. But the offer stands. Door's always open if you change your mind."
He turns back to Ruby. "Gather your gear. We move out in ten."
"Ten minutes?" Ruby looks stricken. "I need, uh, can you give me an hour?"
"We're exposed here, Ruby. The longer we stay the more dangerous it gets."
"One hour, Devin. Please."
He sighs but nods. "One hour. Then we're gone, with or without you."
The group spreads out to establish a perimeter, giving Ruby and me space. She follows me back inside the cabin, and the moment the door closes, she's in my arms.
"I have to go," she says against my chest.
"I know."
"They need me. And I need to be there. I have obligations, responsibilities."
"I understand."
"But I don't want to leave you."
I pull back, looking down at her. "You're not leaving me.
You're going where you need to be. There's a difference.
" I cup her face in my hands. "You have people depending on you.
A whole convoy of survivors who just lost seven people.
They need you, your skills, your knowledge.
I'm just one man living alone on a mountain. "
"You're not just anything." Her eyes are fierce. "You're the man who saved my life, who made me laugh, who made me feel safe for the first time in three years. You're the man I'm falling for, and I don't know what to do about that."
Falling for. The words hit me like a freight train.
"Come with me," she says suddenly. "Come back to Dawson Ridge. You don't have to stay alone."
"I'm not alone anymore." I kiss her forehead, her cheeks, her lips. "You changed that. But I'm not ready to leave this place. Not yet. I have things I need to work through."
"Your crew."
"Yeah."
She nods, understanding even though I can see it hurts. "What if I came back? After we reach Old Pines, after I've helped the convoy settle. What if I came back then?"
"You'd be welcome. Always."
"Promise?"
"Ruby, I—" The words stick in my throat. I've spent two years not letting myself feel anything, not letting anyone in, and now here she is, asking me to promise something that terrifies me. But looking at her, I realize I'm more afraid of never seeing her again. "I promise."
We spend the hour packing her gear, stealing moments to touch, to kiss, to memorize each other. Too soon, there's a knock on the door.
"Time's up, Ruby," Devin calls.
She grabs her pack, her weapons, everything I've prepared for her. At the door, she turns back one last time.
"I'll come back," she says. "I swear it."
"I'll be here."
She kisses me one more time, fierce and desperate and full of promise. Then she's gone, following Devin and the others into the trees, and I'm alone again in my cabin.
But it's a different kind of alone now. The cabin feels empty in a way it never did before, and I find myself moving through familiar spaces that suddenly feel too big, too quiet, too cold despite the fire.
I make it until noon before I have to admit the truth to myself.
I'm in love with her.
Completely, terrifyingly in love with a woman who just walked out of my life, heading to a settlement a hundred miles away, surrounded by dangers and uncertainties and a whole life that doesn't include me.
And I let her go.
I sit by the fire, staring into the flames, and make a decision. She promised to come back, but I'm not going to sit here waiting like some passive character in my own life. I have work to do. Demons to face. A future to build that might actually be worth her coming back to.
I grab my pack and walk out to the fire scar, to the place where my crew died, where I've been punishing myself for years.
"I'm sorry," I tell them, tell the ghosts, tell the blackened trees. "I'm sorry I lived when you didn't. I'm sorry I hid while you died. I'm sorry I couldn't save you."
The wind moves through the branches, carrying memories.
"But I'm going to stop hiding now. I'm going to live instead of just exist. I'm going to be the kind of man who deserves someone like Ruby." I take a breath. "I'm going to let you go."
It doesn't fix anything. The guilt doesn't disappear. But something loosens in my chest, like I've taken off a weight I've been carrying for so long I forgot it was there.
I head back to the cabin and start making plans.